How can you find what makes you happy

I hope everything is going as you wish it to Serkeen.

yes I did do that mawb but only after getting abused by him for 30 years. I really appreciate your opinion but do feel u r quite critical of me and feel that for some reason you have a problem with me

I was so upset at this because, were he changed his tone of voice, it looked like I was saying negatives but obviously I was not. I felt he threw me under the bus ... am I over reacting or am I justified .. It happened Sunday, today is Wednesday and we have not said a word to each other so serious and horrible sad

I find it hard to believe you have not spoken for three days just because he shouted (which he shouldn't have done), but you say he apologised after. Wasn't that an end to it?
Yes, TBH I do think you are over-reacting and don't understand what you mean when you say
sorry it was not genuine
Perhaps HIS nerves are a bit strained because you have told him you want him out of your house and out of your life and asked when he is moving out ??

I did ask him why he got aggressive but you know what men are like he just denied it, eventually he admitted and did say sorry but it was I want to keep the peace and end this argument sorry it was not genuine

Perhaps he just meant you to discontinue the conversation, when your DIL was in the room and leave it for later?

Why didn't you just ask him afterwards what he meant by it?

Is he still packing his bags BTW?

Need a bit of support again please...another volcano of an argument has erupted..We were at a family dinner and I was speaking about our youngest grandson..the same grandson and DIL that I had problem with in this post..I was just saying that his tantrums need to be ignored so that they do not hopefully continue..I was saying this to my husband, as I was saying this my DIL walked into the room at my husband instantly raised his voice at me and said NO he is fine he will be fine!! when previous to DIL walking he he was speaking fine normal tone but when DIL walked in he became aggressive with me

I was so upset at this because, were he changed his tone of voice, it looked like I was saying negatives but obviously I was not!

I felt he threw me under the bus ... am I over reacting or am I justified .. It happened Sunday, today is Wednesday and we have not said a word to each other so serious and horrible

Oh yes, its just that sometimes I can not sleep for one reason or anotherGrandma2213

It is brilliant of you and very kind to not have kept any anger or bitterness, you are a good example to your children

I hope I can do the same, I have let go of the anger and am now working on the getting over it all bit x

Thank you too Serkeen I too am sad that DC and he have missed out on this relationship and I do not see this as a 'prize'. I have always tried to keep doors open despite everything and am still friends with his family. It is hard to not tell the truth however to counteract what he says to them but they are lovely and do not judge so I will say nothing to keep my DC's relationship with them.

Hey what does it say about us that we are posting at this generally accepted unearthly hour!! DS thinks I am a vampire!! (Honestly... I'm not!)

Thank you Grandma2213 can not believe the cheek of your husband!! but you know what he is the villain here and I know I would rather be the person it done to than be the villain.

He may have gotten hold of some of your assets but he does not have the most precious ones, your children, how sad for him that his own children do not wish to be in his life, you definitely got the real prize in all of this, the love of your children

Serkeen just read through this thread and feel happy for you. There were so many posts to help you. Be careful about what your husband claims. I paid almost all mortgages and brought up DC single handed but ex husband claimed and won almost a third of my assets after almost 20 years separation when he decided he wanted it. No one could believe the law was on his side!!! DC are now totally estranged from him as they were so horrified.

Maybe I have never experienced much happiness but one thing is for sure ... I do not need a man (partner). I know there are plenty of people who care for me and that is enough for me. Actually reading GN I know there are people who care that do not even know me. Good luck Serkeen Gordonbennett and many others in similar situations.

Gordonbennett so sorry you feel you do not have anyone that cares for you--have you no children..sorry to hear about deaths of your family members but they would not wish you to be sad, think of what they would say to you if they could, have you thought of joining a local club maybe WI

I haven't read all the thread, but what I've read has given me hope, at least that I'm not alone.

I am unhappy also and feel like something is 'missing'. I can though, find happiness in lots of things, but alas not within myself.

I lost my mum 5 years ago today and my lovely sister 4 months ago. What somebody said upthread about happiness dependent on security, struck a chord. Since my bereavements I have become incredibly lonely and anxious, feeling nobody cares, so yes, I think having the security of knowing you're loved and cared for, in itself brings much joy..

You all sound so lovely on here with your replies..a lovely bunch of GN's

I think you might actually be mildly depressed. It would certainly be a good idea to do something lovely for yourself every day instead of doing things for everyone else all the time. Walking is a great therapy. It gets the 'good' chemicals going in the brain and lifts the spirits. Being outside is also therapeutic in itself. Or, join a Zumba class and do a bit of dancing. Happiness is about having fun, being with positive people and yes, being grateful for what you have and taking pleasure in the little things.

No divorce lawyer needed you can now obtain a divorce online, I won't be going there unless my husband asks for a divorce as I will never marry again

No argument about the property my husband is not going to ask for any part of it It was I that paid every mortgage payment

mawb you mentioned I have not been here since last Wednesday that is because was a bit embarrassed about how much I shared but I was low, all I can say is so glad it is all anonymous!

I am very grateful for every post it helped soo much.

I think MawBroon has a very good point here Re the property. I don't think it's going to be that simple when Serkeen gives her reason for kicking him out particularly when he tells his divorce lawyer that she visited him in hospital 9-7 each day for 3 months.
How would you view it?

Thank you MawBroon. Although Serkeen mentioned sitting at DH's bedside all day, I had no idea that he had had that very complicated and extremely serious illness/surgery etc. What I wrote may seem to be inappropriate in those circumstances.

We haven't heard from serkeen since last Wednesday.
Is all well?

Apologies if it inappropriate to resuscitate a past thread, but it has crossed my mind that Serkeens DH's unwillingness for sex may have nothing to do with her being menopausal or no longer able to conceive, but his own health? He cannot have been out of hospital for more than a couple of months with serious heart and kidney issues (heart medication often causes erectile dysfunction or impotence) and if he is still having peritoneal dialysis with a tube through his navel, sex could be very difficult. So given his health issue, perhaps it the last thing on his mind.
So don't beat yourself up about your age or even think he has "gone off" you, many men at the Cardiac rehab sessions Paw went to complained about the effect of both their medication AND lack of confidence on their sex drive.

A cautionary note.
Serkeens house may be in her name but her OH may well have a claim on it as he has presumably contributed to bills, maintenance, utilities, running costs etc.
And if the boot were on the other foot, a wife would surely not be able to be asked to leave without some sort of sharing of assets?
Others may know more about this than me, but it is rarely simple.

Surely what makes us happy changes all the time, I was happy if bought some sweets and a Beano at 10, happy to buy a new dress and go somewhere nice at 20, happy to have a new baby at 30, happy to enjoy my job and family at 40, happy to see DC growing up and doing well at 50 and happy to retire with DH and enjoy DGC at 60.Etc.
If talking of those rare bursts of happiness, pure joy, then they just appear out of the blue.Being content is a different thing, and IMHO much better.?

Lovely post, Lilyflower. I shall read it again.....wish I could print it out.

There are some really long posts on this thread. This leads me to think that if you have to write 4 paragraphs about being happy then you have got it wrong.
Apart from that there is a risk of being boring to others.

Happiness comes upon you very often by surprise. just when you are not thinking about it. Better to write about what makes you unhappy and then avoid it if possible

I think too much internet and telephoning does not contribute to happiness but leaves you vulnerable to being let down.

So happy for you Serkeen. What a relief. And some great posts. I felt for beigecardigan who lost husband from MND so did I - nothing is worse. After that everything does seem a walk in the park! And makes me enjoy it. Nothing is deserved. Nothing to be taken for granted. Sometimes it is bootstraps time. So good good good and I enjoyed margarita's posts too. It is surprising how much strength you get by being strong.

The next thing we should do is to help the others, like MAT35 and Sparkle199 who may be in a similar disastrous and destructive relationship.

Serkeen is fortunate that the house is in her name. This may be a rarity. It's possible that there are many others who have no such residential security - house in his name, or at least half-and-half.

However, remember that the new offence of coercive control is not just a cause for divorce (like adultery) but is a crime. Dreading to hear his key in the lock sounds typical of this. 'OMG what will it be this time? His dinner not right, his shirts not washed properly, whatever, it will be something. ' You just KNOW he will not come in and say 'oh, there you are, my darling, good to see you, missed you all day, let's have a cup of tea together and just relax'.

I am such a lucky woman.

I know exactly how you feel, which doesn't solve your problem I know, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.