Visiting a dying friend

Thank you everyone for taking the time.
Thank you Alygran for reminding me about the husband. Yes I do know him well. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and thanks for your advice.

for you Alygran.

I think it has all been said - just be yourself.

I have a friend who has had cancer for many years - they cannot remove it, but she lurches from one course of chemo/operation to another. Every time I wonder if this will be the end of the road; and we do talk a bit about this, but mostly we just chat and put the world to rights when we meet.

My thoughts are with you Alygran... Its a difficult time.

Am a bit mindful of the fact I seem to be posting on all sorts of different boards with first hand knowledge but sad fact is, when you get to 64, you HAVE experienced most of what life can throw at you.

Sheila: 20 years ago, MY best friend of 30 years was diagnosed with cancer at 42. I helped her through it and was there at the end too. All she wanted was for people to just be themselves - not to treat her differently - talk as they always had done. She was upset that so many people felt they couldn't visit as they didn't know what to say!

We laughed, we cried, we planned her funeral together....I let her lead in it all. I saw her wishes carried out.

Unknowing to me she wrote me a letter, which I was given after she died, and in it she thanked me for 'always being me' She said the laughing we did, was so special and she was glad she could talk openly about her funeral (cried buckets after reading it mind you)

Of course, everyone is different so yes, just be guided by your friend but don't treat her like she is any different to the person you have always known.

My thoughts are with you and your friend at this difficult time.

Alygran I am so sorry, here's a (((hug))) and a ☺ for you. Xxx

My DH died at home last week. Friends called and chatted with him just as they always had, sharing past experiences and having a bit of a laugh. It was lovely to see. Just go and be yourself. Make sure you spend a little time with her husband too if you know him well. He will be in a sad and lonely place just now. A hug and a smile goes a long way.

I have never been in this situation but am grieving for the loss of my son and I just want people to be themselves. I also feel the need to vent and go on and on about things. Perhaps your friend shares some of these things with me. I think you should be yourself and be led by what she wants.

One of my old friends was told she had not long to live and when I went to see her I just burst into tears and we cried together. I was so angry with myself but she was fine with it. I'm sure it will not really matter to her how you behave just that you have made the trip to see her.

This year I lost my dearest friend. We knew for ages that her time was limited. I simply took my cue from my friend. It isn't all doom and gloom though. We had so much laughter and fun on her journey, which sounds weird but that's how it was. The last hours were unbearable, but she was past all suffering by then. You will cope, you have to for your friends sake. You will realise that it isn't about you it is about her. Don't worry.

I agree with kitty, just be yourself, when my brother in law was still at home but did not have much time to live, I used to make him laugh, in fact the last thing I said to him made him laugh, it will be fine and not half as bad as you think it will be, listen to some music that calms you an puts you in a good place, music always helps me good luck x

Just be yourself and let her set the tone. She wants to see you and won't want you to be different from usual.