Should I ‘publish’ and be damned?

My mum was pleased I was looking at family history, told me various stories about elderly relatives including her much loved grandfather who struggled to find his birth certificate from the 1860s when he wanted his state pension in the 1920s. After a year or two, I found out why. He and his brothers were all born illegitimate, each birth certificate being a slight variation of mother's husband's name and their father's, and all different. They were later legitimised when her first husband died, and she married their father. Clearly they all knew nothing about this. I chose my words and the moment with great care before I told her.

He's part of the tree so don't miss him out and I think you should be honest but maybe say he went to prison for assault if that feels easier. I bet if we all took our trees back far enough we would find rogues of varying degrees.

I think it would be great to have a notorious criminal as an ancestor. And although he was obviously a womaniser we should remember that in the past the level of proof required for conviction for a crime was not as high as it is now. Do tell her everything. She may not believe it anyway. Did you see Anne Reid on WDYTYA? I think it was her grandfather who was a scoundrel but she steadfastly continued to admire him.

Anya--- I would have been thrilled to receive such a wonderful present. My parents were orphans ,so I knew nothing about my family history until a few years ago when I started doing my own research. My own children are just not interested but I carry on researching for my own satisfaction and the occasional villain lends a lot of spice to a diet of agricultural labourers. I've found one relative who was hung for theft and two others who were transported to Australia. Just recently I found another relative who was imprisoned for six months for stealing a sack of flour; it turned out that 5lb of flour at that time cost a shilling and he, with a wife and several children to support, earned just 8 shillings a week as an agricultural labourer. How did poor families survive then?

Yes, publish ! Warts and all !

I love tracing family trees because you never know what you'll find and every family has its skeletons. Personally I'd include it. In my husband's family there was a bigamist who whenever anyone visited hid in the chimney, which we all find really funny!

Anya had this been for your DD then I would say yes, publish the details, but I wouldn't do this for a DIL for obvious reasons.If she is upset about it, it will cause a rift.
There is no need really, you could end the line at the ancestor that came after him?

Anya I definitely think you would have a few takers on here if you wanted to take commissions lol

I would LOVE to find something interesting on my family tree ...been researching it way back but so far only agricultural workers in Essex on my mum's side ...apart from one, as exciting as it gets, who had a 'carter' business ! My dad's side a little more interesting ...his family were Irish, who crossed to work in shipbuilding in Greenock then moved down to Liverpool for the same reason ....but no more interesting ! I would dearly love to have a book that told me more ...and like your dil's parents, I think your dil woud find it amusing ...her parents may have already told her about the less than desirable details ! It is all in the past and I am sure a lot of us would find #interesting# skeletons in the cupboards !

This isn’t the case with Anya’s research as her in-laws have provided information but Riverwalk is right to raise the point that some people do not like others doing their direct family tree a) because it spoils the excitement of doing the research themselves or b) because it feels intrusive. You need to either check with them or know them well. Sometimes, one member of the family doesn’t mind while another does. We got started in the 70s when a relative gave us DH’s tree back to 1630, but it had only basic details so only a skeleton!
Jalima1180 - I found several in my family tree who were transported to Australia on the First Fleet and the Floating Brothel. All for minor things like stealing 2 cows in Tottenham Court Rd. At least his death sentence was commuted. It really brings history to life and led to lots more general research & reading - & possible travel to Norfolk Is & Tasmania to discover more.

Well, same as your DIL's parents, I'd be absolutely thrilled with a book like that, gory details or not.

I think it sounds brilliant. I have found a few dubious characters in my own and my husband's family trees but never anything as exciting as that. I have an ancestor who pushed his pregnant wife down the stairs. The family had a whip round to get him out of the country before the police found him. He wanted to go to Australia but either not enough people liked him or the family were too poor as they only managed to send him to South Africa lol. DH comes from aristocracy (what happened ....why are we so poor [grin) and some of the things his ancestors got up to in the mid teen centuries are incredible and highly suspect .

ARE YOU trying to spite your DIL do you have a problem with her and feel she deserves a Christmas present that makes her aware that one of her relatives was a rapist!!!!????

Oh I would love to hear all good and bad. You see celebrity’s on the program hear all sorts of stuff about there ancestors I’m sure it will fine. As long as she knows your doing it I’m not sure how she will feel if you hadn’t informed her first.

Anya, it sounds as though you have done a very thorough research job. If you are confident of your facts then include them in your family history. It is the family history and no amount of whitewashing and denial changes that. Some family members may need time to readjust their "family stories" to fit a more accurate history. As most family history researchers have discovered family "stories" are not always the same as family history. Hopefully it will open up lots of interesting family discussions.

The best story I have heard about family stories was from a guide at Edinburgh Castle who told of one American visitor who solemnly told her she was descended from Greyfriars Bobby. The guide said she just didn't know how to tell her that he was a dog.

Good luck. It's all part of the adventure.

Does your DIL know of your interest in genealogy and that you are researching her family and not just your own?

If not, I would definitely not give her the book as a Christmas present. I would be afraid that it would backfire and cause trouble.

I could live with knowing that a distant ancestor had dabbled in the black arts, but a rapist? I'm not sure.

I know it is illogical, as facts are facts, but I think I would rather find this sort of thing out for myself than have my MIL discover it for me, if she was still in the land of the living.

I quite fancy having a go at this but worry as my memory is rubbish and my parents and grandparents are no longer living to ask questions.
Is it difficult and expensive?
Any tips?

Nothing to worry about, NotSpaghetti. This is just a recent feature which helps you find your own posts easily if you come back to a thread. Only you can see the colour on your own post - it just looks normal to the rest of us.

My great, great, grandmother had 10 children, 4 born after great,great, grandad died, she registered them all as his......what is the point of family history if there is nothing historic in it?

None of it reflects in any way upon those who are living now.

Please could some friendly gransnetter explain why, when I post from my iPad, my comments appear on a coloured background? Sorry for this everyone! And thanks.

Yes, if ancestry is a labour to discover the facts then I would include everything. Otherwise what’s the point?

I wouldn't care to be on the receiving end of that, thanks.o

Do your son and daughter in law know that you have been researching their family history? I think I would be a little uncomfortable to know that someone had been delving into my family history without my knowledge; (a relative was furious when I discovered by accident that she was illegitimate.) If they do know and are happy with it I would still be careful when I gave them their present; they might not want to read it with other people about looking over their shoulder. Recently a good friend produced a photograph from Google of the house where I grew up, and I felt uneasy, don't know why, about the fact of him delving into my past.

That's my thought too riverwalk.

Maggie I'm one who expressed caution. It's not a matter of my not wanting to know all the gory details if I go ancestry hunting - if that's historical fact then that's it.

However, I personally would find it intrusive if someone else went delving into my family history without my knowledge, particularly coming up with a convicted rapist.