Difficult daughter

I agree with Bambam your daughter needs to start taking responsibility for herself and her children, you are enabling her to avoid this. For your own health and well being you need to reduce the help you are giving her. The three month idea is a good one and you must be strong and stick to the plan.
I hope you can work through this, look after yourself.

I can only say that all of you who are so critical have never experienced a D left and her life disrupted and her left devastated.
I have and we are doing all we can, fortunately our D is very grateful and full of thanks for all we do.
We do not want our GC to go without the life they had before their father left.

Your DD's ex should be paying child maintenance and ensuring that his children have a roof over their heads.

If her Ex has a new job and therefore can no longer have the children during the week then he should also be making other arrangements re child care.
Are there other grandparents in the equation that are able to help with child care?.

Perhaps writing a letter to your DD
Saying that you love both her and your DGC dearly
You will continue to help with child care but can not provide any additional over and above (except in an emergency of course)
Say you are willing to sit down with her and help work a family budget out.

She's having a laugh! So you paid for everything while benefits came through.
I hope you realize that she will have been back-paid from the day that she claimed.
She would have probably received (at a guess, with housing benefit and income support) a couple of thousand.
You seem determined to sort this out and you will feel better for doing it.
If you can be bothered, let us know how its going.

I am in the UK lol! We paid initially because she wasn't working when he left and didn't pay her anything towards the rent etc just £50 pw for the kids.
Then debts started building up whilst benefits were being sorted so my hubby paid them. It sounds crazy even to me so I can only imagine how it looks. But the disrespect is getting worse so my good will is reducing dramatically. She needs to move house but can't get a council house in this area as they are none available. And is paying a high privately. It's a mess. But I'm determined to pull the money tree from its roots.. .Her Dad!

I get the feeling that goodgran is not in the UK, so Bambam your ( good) words about tax credits etc may not apply.

Her husband left her "after warning many times that her behaviour was unacceptable"

You are paying for more of her outgoings than I care to list, and she has TOLD You that you will have to look after the grandchildren more?

Sorry to be blunt, but she sounds like an absolute nightmare, she may be a good mother, as long as other people are prepared to fund her, how good would she be if she actually had to sort it all herself?

Goodgran you say that you pay for her gas, electric, mobile phone and car insurance, sorry, but why on earth are you paying for all of this?

She doesn't smoke but goes out every other weekend. Yes to hair and nails! Thanks for your advice. I will definitly tell her to seek financial help

Bambam she doesn't earn enough even with benefits for the luxuries like a car but it's essential otherwise it would be me running them around. But yes I do feel she wastes money too on some of the things you've mentioned.
We've decided to cut back on what we pay so the gas and electric are now going to be her responsibility.
Your idea of 3 months notice is a very good one.
But I don't feel I want to help with childcare either when she is so disrespectful. I adore those kids butt something's going to give and I fear its my sanity!

This is not right, goodgran. Perhaps you should be Toogoodgran! . You should not need to pay for her gas, electric, car, car insurance and mobile phone. She is "taking the Mickey". And being disrespectful to you as well.
You say that she works and has three children, so if she is on a low income she will be entitled to Working Tax Credit. And maybe some Housing Benefit and Counsel Tax Reduction.
She will be getting Child Benefit anyway.
You don't seem happy with this situation so change it.
Tell her that you are giving her, say, three months to get her act together financially as you are not willing to subsidize her any more. If course, she is going to storm out and block your number. Let her! You hold the "trump card" so she will soon be back, when she needs help with child minding.
She will probably threaten you with keeping the Grandchildren from you but I doubt that she would cut off her nose to spite her face.
Tell her that, looking after the children while she works is all that you will be doing in 3 months time.
Btw what on earth is she doing with her money if you are paying most living expenses for her? Does she smoke, drink, but lots of unnecessary clothes, have her hair done all the time, false nails etc? Because it is going somewhere and not in the right things as a Mother of three.
She is being a selfish, rude brat and you need to stop allowing her to be right now .
If she needs financial advice , she will have to go to a Free Debt Advice Agency. And b---dy grow up.
No wonder you are feeling depressed. Sort it! Now!