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Has anyone out there ever tried to find a child that was adopted?

(30 Posts)
PamelaJ1 Mon 20-Nov-17 18:12:18

My DSinL is dying now and wants to try and find her daughter. We visited her yesterday and she said more to me about it than she has ever said.
She has a problem that may be genetic and feels that her daughter should know.
I have started to find out how to go about the process and it is very confusing. So far I have given her the number for a family social worker in her area.
There seems to be a lot of talking about using an intermediary but I’m not too sure how to find one. She is not only not very well but also without internet. We live quite a long way from her and if anyone has any tips I would be really grateful.

MissAdventure Mon 20-Nov-17 18:16:00

Do any of the family use Facebook? Apparently it's a good way to find people
Is it the salvation army which will trace family members? I'm almost sure it is, though they charge for the service.

PamelaJ1 Mon 20-Nov-17 18:22:21

Do they try and find adopted children or just people who are missing?
I will try them. Thank you

MissAdventure Mon 20-Nov-17 18:24:52

Oh, I'm not sure on that. Social services might be your best bet? Good luck! Hopefully someone will answer you who knows more than I do about the best way to go.

Grannyknot Mon 20-Nov-17 18:26:44

Pamela there was a recent thread on here about it. I will see if I can find it for you.

Grannyknot Mon 20-Nov-17 18:31:23

Here you go:

www.gransnet.com/forums/relationships/a1241691-Reunion-with-adopted-daughter

Grannyknot Mon 20-Nov-17 18:34:45

And here's the detail that might help (copied from the thread):

Can I just say that for those mothers and siblings still looking for their family that the Government Adoption Register is how I made contact with my daughter. It is a service that puts families who register on it back in touch with each other, I registered 5 years ago, my daughter also used the service and within 4 weeks had my details, the officials contact the birth mother to confirm she wishes her contact details are given, and the rest as they say is history.

Nelliemoser Mon 20-Nov-17 18:58:15

The government Adoption register is your best bet, I does depend on how old the adopted child is though .

PamelaJ1 Mon 20-Nov-17 19:09:20

Thank you granny knot, I did look for threads but couldn’t find one.

GrandmaMoira Mon 20-Nov-17 19:11:33

Contact the Natural Parents Network
www.n-p-n.co.uk/. They are a charity run by and for birth parents and can advise.
This page tells you about the official intermediary services
www.adoptionsearchreunion.org.uk/contact/intermediaries/questionsanswersrelatives.htm.
The Post Adoption Centre in London has a helpline who can give you appropriate advice and information. I believe they can also provide an intermediary service.
www.pac-uk.org/.
The government adoption register will only be helpful if both parties are on it.

GrandmaMoira Mon 20-Nov-17 19:12:37

The Salvation Army do not help with people who were adopted.

Iam64 Mon 20-Nov-17 19:34:04

The adoption register is the way to go. Your sister in law will probably remember which local authority/agency was involved in the adoption of her baby. Any information will help, did she register the birth, was the baby born in a Mother and Baby Unit, was a religious organisation involved. Our local Catholic Children's Rescue Society and CofE diocesan adoption teams have experienced workers involved in this type of work. A friend found the daughter she placed for adoption after giving birth in a Catholic Mother and Baby Unit aged 16 because she and her by then 40 years old daughter both registered with one of the agencies that specialist in helping in these situation.
I do hope your sister in law can be helped.

grannyactivist Mon 20-Nov-17 22:32:45

Iam - I have very happy memories of working for the Catholic Children's Rescue Society; the staff were among the nicest I have ever worked with anywhere and the nuns who ran it were the epitome of kindness and compassion.
PamelaJ1 your first port of call should be www.gov.uk/adoption-records/the-adoption-contact-register then fill in the form: www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/244016/Part_2_application_form.pdf. (There is a fee for this.)
Because your SinL has a life limiting illness it may be a good idea for her to write a letter in the event that her daughter doesn't get in touch soon. I agree with Iam about also getting in touch with the agency who placed the baby for adoption; under the circumstances they may agree to contact the adoptee and inform them of the situation.

BlueBelle Mon 20-Nov-17 23:03:11

fB is very worth trying too I have seen many people trying to find family members and it can be shared thousands of times and can be used as well as the more formal routes

PamelaJ1 Tue 21-Nov-17 08:51:28

Thank you everyone. I have downloaded it, printed it and will get it off to her today.
If we find her daughter I will report back

WendyBT Tue 21-Nov-17 09:49:59

I suggest a contact to the agency who handled the adoption.
Church of England Children's Society, local authority,etc.

I traced my birth family this way.

radicalnan Tue 21-Nov-17 10:31:55

My friend used a private detective and it cost £250 and was almost immediate, certainly same day.

That was about 5 years ago.

Jaycee5 Tue 21-Nov-17 10:36:53

Is the internet unavailable or is has she just chosen not to be online? Maybe you could get her a smartphone and show her how to use it.

Tutumuch Tue 21-Nov-17 10:50:22

Hi - I would caution against using Fb - you need to think about the age of the adopted person and how much information they might have been given about their birth family and the circumstances around the adoption. The birth mother needs to speak with the adoption team based within the area where she pays council tax - they will probably be unable to offer a tracing service within her timescales but will signpost to the voluntary agency they have an contract with - it will probably cost if birth Mim goes down the voluntary route but social services and social workers can be trusted and are
more likely to deal with issues sensitively.

grannyactivist Tue 21-Nov-17 11:04:03

As a social worker part of my job was to offer the statutory counselling required for adoptee reunions. Your SinL's health is something that both she and her adopted daughter need help to deal with; can you imagine being the daughter and having to deal with a reunion with a dying birth mother?
My very strong advice would be to go through the 'proper channels', i.e. the contact register and/or the adoption agency that placed the daughter. Definitely NOT FaceBook.

Ph1lomena Tue 21-Nov-17 12:16:17

Facebook sounds a far from ideal way of making contact but I also wonder how successful it would be. Unless she knows the adopted names of her daughter she won't be able to find her. So much depends on how long ago this adoption was because the rules have changed so much and adoptions tend to be far more open these days.

grannytotwins Tue 21-Nov-17 12:47:33

I know that my mother would have loved to have seen her mother and hear her say her name. Perhaps as well as a letter a short video could be made while she is well enough just in case the search takes longer than expected.

Shesanana Tue 21-Nov-17 13:01:03

All of these suggestions are excellent. I had to go through the adoption services of my local county council to find details of my birth mother so they would certainly help and advise. The Adoption Search Reunion is definitely worth a try. Good luck!

Theoddbird Tue 21-Nov-17 13:52:21

I do so hope she finds her daughter. Please give updates as I am sure everyone will want to know the outcome. Good luck x

jimmyRFU Tue 21-Nov-17 15:02:04

Firstly it depends on whether the person wants to be found. Secondly, Davina McCall and Nicky Chapman have just this week or two been advertising for people to take part on the programme Long Lost Family.