What is the right thing to do

Hi dbDB77 before I give my update just wanted to say that my relationship with my grandson is far more important to me.

Ok so it worked!! Thank you so very much for all the advice.

What actually worked was when saying goodbye to give him something to take with him that he was asked to bring back when he comes back (a dragons story book in this instance) it worked a charm, it made such a difference and no tears.

I can not tell you how grateful I am

What a weight off my mind, it was upsetting us all, so thanks again so much

Always say goodbye and ask to look after scarf/gloves etc until you come again soon. He will be reassured you will return.

Lots of good ideas here but leaving with a laugh is a good thing to aim for. How about if you say 'See you later, alligator' and he will soon learn the reply! Shakespeare had it right when he said 'Parting is such sweet sorrow' (Apologies if that quote isn't spot on but you know what I mean.

I think you should do whatever your DIL thinks is best - your grandson will thrive whatever you do - as others have said it's just another phase & he'll get over it - the relationship with your DIL is paramount and should be treasured.

It's just like when your kids were tiny and you dropped them off at the childminder/nursery. Lots of wailing and gnashing of teeth to make you feel guilty but the second you got out of sight they just got on with things.

DGS1 still gets upset sometimes, other times when I'm leaving his home we say Good-Bye & he will often disappear to his bedroom. On occassion my DD & I will still be chatting 10 mins later when he comes down. He just looks at me & says " I thought you'd gone home Nan". Cue another kiss & hug

I have noticed he is more likely to cry when he leaves me rather than when I leave his home.

Just remembered what I used to say when Minibaggs was a baby and DD1 (19+ years older) was departing after a visit: "See you another day!" Minibaggs morphed this to "Subba-gubba-gay!" with the right intonation.

I think you should say goodbye, but add that you will be back again another time.

My son was the same, but it's better to be truthful - that way they learn to understand.

I would definitely say goodbye, and I like rockgran’s advice. I would feel more insecure in your grandson’s place if I never knew when you were going to disappear unexpectedly.

I usually say I am going to the shop and will see him next time. He now says bye.

We settled on "See ya later snootergator", where 'later' meant some unspecified time in the future. I can't remember where that came from but I suspect DD2 had something to do with it.

Shazmo24 I also wondered whether the actual words, "Good-bye" need to be said. If you can say something else - "Must go now and do (whatever) " or, "Grandad will be wondering when I will come home" or, "Look after this for me until I see you again on Tuesday" it takes the sting out of the fateful farewell.

Emphasise when you will be back, what you will be doing when you get home, and phone to report on how it went. Paint a picture of yourself still existing in your own home and thinking of him/her, not vanishing into thin air when you leave.

He'll grow out of it. Be thankful he cares so much about you!

I think you should say goodbye but may it short with a hug a goodbye and then leave even if he is crying or clingy. Just vanishing is probably confusing but there is nothing to gain by you being the one to comfort him if he is upset.
I like Barmeyoldbat's idea of giving him the details of when you will see him next but again, do it quickly, firmly and matter of factly.

remember that life is uncertain - if you left without saying goodby and something bad happened you would never forgive yourself - learning to say goodbye is an important part of childhood development - trust your daughter in law x

I agree with radicalnan... Say goodbye but say you will ring as soon as you get home so he has something to look forward to.

Totally agree with everything said about the importance of saying goodbye, I also think a ‘count down’ is really helpful as Lazymail suggested, it just gives children time to process things. As Rockgran says don’t string it out! That’s for your benefit not theirs!

Tell him you'll be going 'soon' but you'll give him a goodbye kiss and cuddle 'now' - then make your departure a non-event by going when his back is turned. I don't see the point in making him cry when there's a potential way around things.

We have found that it really is important to have a sort of countdown to leaving so that it's not such a shock when we leave. So we say, can I read you one more book before I go? Or can we play one more game before we go ... signalling that you are going soon.

I also give a funny kiss, like blowing a raspberry so we part laughing.

Just lately, now the GC are 3 and 5, we have started saying go up to your front bedroom so you can see us drive away. Lots of waving and kisses.

There are still tears sometimes but I'm assured they soon pass.

However it is done - do it quickly. Stringing it out is what causes most upset. Get organised for a quick exit then be cheerful, positive but swift. (Speaking as a retired reception teacher).

I love gagagran's suggestion of the kiss being left in their hand for later use. A gorgeous idea!

My gd always asks "When will I see you again"? We work out the number of days (usually only 2 or 3!) and she's happy once she knows.

Do say goodbye, get DIL to have him in her arms, big kiss and out. Over the years I have found the DGS's do this far more than the DGDs.

You should never just slip away without saying goodbye, as your GS would be totally bewildered if one minute you were there and the next minute you'd gone. Then it would be left to Mummy to explain that Nana's gone home, and surely he would cry then? So it wouldn't avoid the tears, it would only avoid you having to witness his tears. Added to that, he would possibly feel that you didn't think he was important enough, or didn't love him enough to say goodbye.
Young children don't have the ability to control or even understand their emotions. Tears come quickly as a reaction to all sorts of minor upsets and hurts - they are still learning how to cope with them. We shouldn't try to avoid these little upsets, because they do have to experience them in order to grow emotionally.

Serkeen
Can you not say you have to feed a neighbours dog,/ cat,/ rabbit and will let him know how they are next time you come to see him ?Usually a purpose does the trick especially if it is an animal..