Has anyone mastered the art of saying No without the guilt that follows

I've never had to say 'no' to my family because they have never put me in a position where I might have to.

I'm talking about adult children of course. I said 'no' plenty of times when they were young so maybe that's why they understand what they can or cannot ask of me.

I have always been happy to help out wherever I can and sometimes a 'yes' goes without saying. I'm glad I've never had to say 'no.'

Do you not think though Paddyann that there is a difference between doing all you can to help your children and sometimes saying no ?

I often think that you do your children a disservice by never letting them feel the consequence of their action. I’m not suggesting not helping but I am a firm believer that if people never feel the pain they never learn.

Maybe I’m a lone believer in that, but I can only say that it has worked for my family.

I find it hard to say no,I'm a middle child who was raised to be a people pleaser .I always feel bad about refusing to help...well thats not strictly true I WOULD always feel bad about refusing IF I ever did ...but I dont.I didn't realise it was only until they grew up that I had to be their mother .I always thought that kids were for life..just like they say about pets..you know for life not just for christmas .I'll do all I can until the day I die .

I'm just like you Serkeen and get roped into all sorts of things I would like to have said a firm "no" to . You just can't help your nature .

If your son is old enough to have a partner and children then he should not be expecting his mother to solve his every problem. Decide what you can manage to do for him without compromising you own life and if he asks for anything else say no.

Why on earth should you feel guilty about this. He is the one who should be feeling guilty for not sorting out his own problems.

Next time you feel guilty challenge those feelings. Ask yourself why you should feel guilty. You will probably be doing your DS a favour by saying no and expecting him to solve his own problems. There may be tantrums and upsets to begin with but just treat him as you did when he was a tantrumming 2 year old.

I have often said through the years to my daughters ,’ I am not your best friend , I’m your mother. It’s my job to say no sometimes and tell you the stuff you don’t want to hear’.

Maybe it’s time to do the same serkeen?

"Rod" and "Back" spring to mind.

I'm pretty good at saying "No". Its the easiest option, in the long run.

I guess it depends how young your youngest is. Personally, once I felt my children were "launched" and adults in their own right I haven't found it hard to balance my needs with theirs. I like the easy equality in our relationships where we are all able to say no or yes to each other when it's appropriate.
I don't think I ever wanted to be Mummy with dependent children forever.

I've always believed a good parent frequently has to say "no". Otherwise how can the child learn any boundaries or how to cope on their own.

That is so true Christine!

Quite a lot to my youngest he hates it when he hears no

If you never say " no " what is your "yes" worth ?