Lost

Mum has been gone 20 years and Dad was still with us last Christmas but sadly passed in January. It's very sad but it's the way of the world. For me the thing that is hard to bear is loosing my little sister seven years ago totally unexpectedly at the age of 47. She should still be here, we still had so much to do together.
Huge love to all of us missing special people this Christmas x

Yes, there's always GN! We're a great bunch! But is there a Circle group near you? or maybe a local "Older Generation group - ours is for over 55s - you'd probably find that there is someone who would love to become an adopted granny. Try a local church or maybe put a personal ad in local shop or paper. How about a penpal circle who may find your perfect older friend?

Yes, I am a befriender with Age UK.

It's a good idea. I visit an elderly lady once a week.
You can choose your own times and days to suit.

Or maybe volunteer in a charity shop serving.
Plenty of people to chat to.

So it was you who walked away from your father because you didn't like your stepmother not the other way round.?
You have more in your life than many but this does not appear to be enough..You say you have no relatives
How far have you looked ?
You do not mention a MIL or a FIL.Does DH not have aunts and uncles who would be in an older group which it appears you are seeking Does he have a grandmother?
Talk to your husband about your feelings as I certainly would not put an ad in the paper. You have no idea what you could be letting yourself in for.

Certain the internet has an answer somewhere, it's just a question of finding it

Find a WI with members of your own age. We have loads of 40ish mums.
You will be warmly welcomed & make new friends. My DH complains I'm never in.

I am in south Derbyshire

Thankyou all for your suggestions. I did get back in contact with my father a couple of years ago and found out I had two half sisters. I am in contact with them but they are not close. He told them he didn’t want to see or contact me as ‘too much water had gone under the bridge’, I struggle but mostly block it out, it’s his loss. I have contacted age concern and will follow through with the befriending option there.
GabriellaG thankyou for your kind suggestion. Whereabouts in the UK are you?

There are a lot of older people who might fit the bill. There certainly seem to be a few who are on this site. Don’t know where you are but you could try your local church or social services.
I was listening to Jeremy Vine the other day and he had a woman on who was looking for people to share their Christmas Day. Perhaps he could find you a granny? Payback for featuring gransnet on his programme!

I used to have 3 older ladies I visited, one was a much older cousin, one was my husband’s aunt and one was a neighbour who had gone into a home because she was immobile. They were all lovely very intelligent ladies an visiting them was a great pleasure. When the last one died, I suddenly realised I knew no one older then me! No one to tell me stories of the “old days” and no one to tell me how they would have liked to change the world - but left it too late! I realised I am the older person now! Fortunately I am active and busy as a school governor and have children and grandchildren to to whom to tell my stories now! I went into my grandson’s school to talk about living through the Blitz and they loved it. As so many Gransnetters say we have to get out there and make an effort to be with people - which is a compliment to our past friends!

It is so much greater to give than receive. You sound a lovely person and we have so many elderly, lonely people in our community. Just over a year ago the Chichester Anna Chaplaincy was established (many more all over the country)

Read about it here chichesterannachaplaincy.org.uk/

We are looking for more 'Ana Friends.'

You would make a lovely volunteer for a befriending scheme. As well as Age UK check out www.brfriending.co.uk to see if there are schemes in your area. I also endorse the WI. Our has members from their 20's to 80's but plenty in their 40's. Hope you find someone or something to help you.

I had a quick look at the adopt a gran info emily put on. I know a bit about the german system and as far as i know, it works.
I can understand how you feel and wish you well.

Taylil01, Sounds to me as though you have already SO much. Try revelling in that and have a wonderful Christmas season.

I don't remember my grandparents either, just a vague recollection of one Grandad.

I was 30 when dad died, and 31 when mum died. My husband's parents were also gone at this time. I have found it really sad that they weren't there to see their grandchildren grow up. I'm 65 now and some of my friends still have their parents around. I am so envious of them. I wonder if you could volunteer to visit older people in a care home. There must be a way to meet lonely people who would really love to have a young person to talk to.

discreet ad.

Taylil01

You could talk to me. All my children live outside England and I wouldn't mind being an 'adopted granny' in fact, it might be fun having another family. Aside from that, how about finding an older person in your area? Try finding out (Google) if there are any organisations in your area who might know suitable people for you to befriend or possibly think about a small discreet in your local paper.
I hope you find someone special

That was a rotten time to lose your Mum, I am so sorry. My DP had both gone by the time I was in my mid-forties, although I did have a lot of other relatives including siblings and a MIL.

Sometimes it's very hard to have to always be 'the grownup' when you need an older family member to talk to.
I do hope there are some good suggestions on here to help you.

I do understand a little of what you feel, I only had one very elderly granny when I was growing up and by the time I was your age only my mum survived of the next generation. Now she is gone I have a lovely husband and a kind brother but no females of my generation. Thank goodness for my children and grandchildren and good friends, some of whom are in a similar situation - far too many unmarried aunts when I was growing up. I assume you are not looking for an opportunity to contact your father or other family?

Germany has an adopt a grandma scheme
www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/world-europe-28798474/germany-s-adopt-a-grandparent-scheme

There is a very small UK scheme started in 2012
www.adopt-a-grandma.co.uk/contact.html

Lior Smith

07530367886
[email protected]
www.adopt-a-grandma.co.uk

If you are interested in getting involved, as a surrogate grandparent or family, please call or email us. We are also looking for volunteers to help promote Adopt-A-Grandma
and put on fundraising events, so please also let us know if
you would like to help out. We look forward to hearing from you, whatever your interest!

Thee might be a Facebook Group but I do not know as I do not do Facebook

Good Luck!

I somehow managed to lose two sets of parents, natural and adoptive before I was 40 so I do sympathise. Fortunately I got on well with my MIL. She was not like a mum but a very independent, wise lady. I also "borrowed" friends' mums quite shamelessly for tea and chat.
But I do remember that feeling of the house not being full enough at Xmas when everyone else had their parents to stay.

This scenario always gets to me for a very different
reason. I am 65, my Mum is 88 and I am the only one out of my numerous friends, who still has their Mum alive. Unfortunately because of my Mums dictatorial ways, we have a very fractious relationship. I am a calm person and have done all I can to mend this but she is the same with everyone and upsets many people. She is not losing her marbles, far from it and has been bossy all her life. And I will always regret not being able to have a Mum where we can be friends. That programme on the tv shows how elderly people so enjoy contact from children and vice versa so others suggestions on here re the befriending scheme, sounds just perfect and well worth a try.

I watched the programme on tv last night about the lonely elderly people who were put together with 4 and 5 year olds. It was truly heartwarming.
The suggestions already made are helpful taylil . You need to meet a few people and if you hit it off invite them for a cuppa and take it (carefully! ) from there. Good luck.

Whatever you do, I’d do it after Christmas. This is such an emotive time of year. Probably everyone feels lonely at times. If it still feels important to you some time in January, there are ways of changing things as the other posts have mentioned. If Christmas seems impossible, you could maybe volunteer with giving out Christmas dinners on the day...lots of organisations do that. Look forward to a Happy New Year.