How do you tell a loved one that they need to loose weight

I don't think you can do it without hurting them. On Saturday I visited my MiL and she said "you've gained a LOT of weight since I last saw you". It's not even true as I've lost a few pounds in the last few months, but I was really hurt and it's played on my mind since. I'm not enormously overweight-BMI of 27- but have gained weight over the past few years due to health problems and medication. I know I've gained weight, I'm dieting and doing more exercise than I've ever done in my life. She didn't think and has only hurt me by her comment. I'll get over it, I'm a big girl (obviously too big??), but I really wish she hadn't said anything.

Yes, try and help by example and encouragement rather than stating the obvious.

Annsixty- weight gain does often follow on from trauma of some sort, as you've spotted, so people being blunt and 'fat shaming' can be totally counter-productive. Buddy systems can be good- if you wanted to lose weight you could do it together and keep each other going through the hard times.

Don't! I agree with other GNs who have given wise advice here. DH & I are both overweight & are working on this. (Hence our dry January.) We don't need anyone else to tell us.... Please don't go there!

Over the years I have been between a size 10 and a size 22 and it has been a constant battle to keep my weight down and I have tried every diet under the sun. When you are overweight you know you are and don’t need telling.
My ex MIL once saw the biggest woman she could find sat on a bench (at least a size 30) and said “aren’t you glad you don’t look like that anymore”
My Dr used to go on about my weight all the time but said I wasn’t big enough to get any help.
It doesn’t make any difference some one telling you that you need to lose weight, you have to want to yourself.
I am at SlimmingWorld at the moment and have lost several stones. I really like what I am eating and never go hungry, so I am hoping this time it stays off.

lost not lots

A close family member was very overweight a few years ago. My DH kept saying to me 'tell her'. I said 'Why don't you tell her? No? I didn't think so'. She was obviously unhappy, embarrassed and miserable. Why would I want to make her feel worse? In her own time she did something about it and lots stones.

Find a subtle way of offering to exercise with them?

Old Meg, I hope you aren’t my SIL!
That’s exactly what happened to me, saw a photo of a stranger with my husband and daughter at a wedding, taken by my SIL and then realised, to my horror, that it was me! Shifted the weight pretty quickly, but until then I hadn’t really noticed. I think that until something clicks in your head nothing anyone else says really sinks in.

I agree with everyone - you can't you shouldn't and it won't help. I have had this problem with my daughter since she suddenly became really overweight in her final year at university. to tell her would have been very stupid. Of course she knew. You have to be patient and wait for every sign that they want to confront it and obviously encourage it - but not too enthusiatically! She has a MIL who comments and is a laughing stock for doing so - and thought of as cruel.

Unfortunately Serkeen, you can't. Turn the situation around and imagine how you would receive such 'loving' criticism. Whilst it is much of our concern it is really none of our business if we are dealing with average intelligent and educated people. I put it down, yet again, to the high cost of loving.

Everyone has the right to make their own choices - even if those choices have a negative effect.

We can only be responsible for our own choices and we have no right or responsibility to govern anyone else. The only thing we can do is to change the way we think about this.

People know they are overweight, they don't need anyone to tell them. They need to make the decision themselves.

You could make it your problem. You could say you are worried about your health and need to start going to a gym/ health club/ slimming club and would they come with you.

Its one of the last areas where people feel they can 'tell' you what they think for your own good !!!

Ask yourself honestly OP how you would feel if they had that conversation with you ? It might surprise you to know that fat people see they are fat every day , not just in the mirror but in how other people interact with them. So its not surprise.

I think its one thing to say something like ' I feel I need to get fitter , I'm going to XXX , do you want to come along and keep me company and on track?' . Its quite another to say' You're fat , you need to go to the gym !'

So perhaps its in how you phrase it? Or perhaps its just offering healthy options when you're together and letting them make the choice - it is their life after all .

Depends who they are. I’m quite blunt with DH and put him on regular diets. Anyone else ?? sorry don’t think it’s wise.

I did once kick start sister in law into losing weight when she saw a photo I’d taken of her.

Well done to your OH mumofmadboys.How did he do it?

I think it is different with your OH. My DH was overweight which I used to regularly tell him worried me a lot. He has recently lost nearly 2 stone and looks great! He is now 2 lbs heavier than he was when he got married 36 years ago.

They probably know they are overweight so telling them won’t do anything to help or encourage them.

This very subject came up within my family recently. One close family member took it upon themselves to tell another close family member that they ate "the wrong things", were very overweight and were putting their health at risk. I cannot describe the upset and turmoil those comments caused within our family. The "overweight person" was only too well aware of how overweight they were and really didn't need the obvious pointing out to them. It's caused a really unpleasant, and counter productive, division in the family and has done absolutely no good whatsoever. Please OP, your family member does know that they're overweight; they don't need you to tell them. Perhaps you could offer practical support by saying that your thinking of joining a slimming class and ask if they'll accompany you for support.

Is it a recent thing - making bad food choices? If so, they're probably unhappy about something.
Mentioning their weight won't help them at all.

Serkeen you have shared your own worries about your weight with us. I think if it is your OH you can influence what he eats by only preparing healthy meals, but anybody else is an adult and your comments would almost certainly have the effect you fear.

We all know when we are overweight, and most of us know what must be done. We have to decide when. For me Its now. Again.

Impossible. I have also tried to suggest to OH that his current lifestyle is damaging his health it is not just his diet.

Agree, you can’t. I have a close family member who has piled on the pounds and she doesn’t need me to point it out to her, she knows it’s a problem, and she knows it’s down to her to tackle it. Always best not to give advice about a personal issue unless it’s asked for.