Grandsons first birthday present rejected

Lots of good advice esp from Faye. Important to focus on the child's needs not your needs. As others have said walkers are a particularly short lived and space consuming toy. Once the child is walking it won't be used again and they are not recommended as an aid to walking these days.

Most modern first world kids are drowning in toys. One family I know continually struggles with the overabundance of gifts from one gran despite many, many discussions. They have tried to give the gifts to charities after Xmas but even the charities refused brand new unopened toys because they so have so much donated after Xmas. The sad reality is that it all just ends up as landfill. Ditto the profusion of stuffed toys around. Apart from a couple of special cuddly toys no child needs or wants 100+ sentimental furry creatures that the gran buys almost every time she goes shopping. No use to the kids and bad for the environment.

For a one year old you can't go past a box of Duplo which connects with Lego as they get older. It has so many learning benefits for little ones and is perennial. When they visit my gc still play with my children's Lego saved from the 70s and love their Lego collections at their places.

It's understandable to want to buy a big present for a first birthday, but OTOH I do understand the space problem - my dd had very little space until she had her extension, and it's still not exactly huge.
At one I found my little grandson adored little push-along vroom vroom cars that made a noise and had flashing lights, etc. And still does - he's only 19 months now. I know it's a bit boring, but I've given something smaller plus an addition to the savings a/c before - IMO they have too many toys anyway.

I don't know whether this would be an alternative, but I recently bought a lovely wooden toy box from John Lewis - the one with brightly coloured animal faces on. At least it makes tidying up a bit easier.

Greenfinch, your comment about 'bits' really resonated. What with working 4 days and having a 1 and a 2 year old, my dd just doesn't have time to be endlessly sorting out all the toys with bits, so I have vowed not to buy any more until they're quite a bit bigger. What I'm going to get for Gdd's 3rd birthday soon I just don't know though. Might well end up being a summer dress plus something little, and a donation to her savings account.

Not everyone seems to have noticed that you want to use a VOUCHER.
Is it possible to (depending on the voucher) buy something small and give your son the voucher?

How about a starter layout of wooden train track. Make a bag for it and it can be added to over the years. We did this 40 years ago for DS1 and it is now being played with by the DGC and any visiting children. Still going strong when all the plastic tat is long forgotten.

I have learnt to sit back and see what others buy through experience,it will be my GGDs 2nd birthday next month (yes the time flies by doesn't it) her mum has 2 step fathers and 2 stepmothers so a very extended amount of GPs all trying to outdo each other to my DGSs disbelief.
DD and I now buy her the shoes she needs as and when every 3 mths and give a token present of items of minature furniture for her dolls house collection.

granophone -- don't know if this will help -- my D is an absolute clean freak (claims to have OCD -- when I say 'claims' -- I mean it isn't diagnosed) -- I have two granddaughters (2 & 5) by her that have every toy under the sun in their home -- that they're rarely allowed to play with -- and when they are -- they are made to put them away properly afterwards -- with D telling them -- if they're not put away they'll (toys) go in the bin. So what I do now -- is keep all the toys -- books -- games -- crayons & paper that I buy for them at my home -- they love it when they come because they know they can make lots of mess with Nanny and not get told off -- another option -- is books -- all children love books and these don't take up much space.

The ELC do a range of Happyland toys that are very good and not so large; I'm not sure where your voucher is for.

For something memorable that will last why not buy a Beatrix Potter book and then buy one or two every year until your GC has the whole set. They are beautiful and will never go out of date - my GCs read the ones that my son was given as a baby.

Don't take it to heart, it sounds as if your DS is being sensible and doesn't want you to waste money on another large toy which may have very little use.

Ask them what they would like for your DGS; he's only going to be one and won't know who gave him what. If they have room, then a Fisher Price item with little people could be a good idea. My DC and DGC all spent hours playing with theirs and using their imaginations from a very young age. But ask first!

I think its really disheartening to see a tidal wave of toys, all jumbled together, and lots not even played with. It seems to be a common phenomena these days. I sound like an old curmudgeon now..

I feel for you I really do, I have to reign in my desire to spoil my 1st grandson with toys, for his 1st birthday I brought him a Caterpillar see saw, the deal was I kept it here so when he comes ( which is 2-3 times a week) he can play with it and its "new" . You can always save the money that you would spend on him for when he goes to "big" school and needs a bike, and money for school trips, takes the pressure off mum and dad then. Im saving money to go towards such things in the future for him.

Well, I don’t think there are any rules here but I think it’s great that your son can say to you, don’t get that! It reflects on the honest relationship you must have and I wouldn’t be offended. Maybe there are other things you can use the voucher for..and maybe ask him what they’d like. I do know what you mean-it’s lovely to indulge a grandchild with what we want them to have but it’s not about us any more! My son has the same problem with a small house. They are having a second child soon and goodness knows where everything will go! There are things I’d like to give but I’ve had to ask them first for the same reason. I do sneak in a few tiny little things when I visit though and they’re ok with that...just cheap things..that they can get rid off when the novelty wears off if they want. And when they’re older, I’m sure the children themselves will have their own ideas, so I’m afraid we have to go with the flow.(and yes, the daughter in laws parents do seem to have priority there, we draw short straws having sons in that way!)

We asked our dill what to get our gd for her third birthday. She suggested a sandpit. We chose one and sent her the link. She agreed it was suitable and we ordered it to be sent direct. When it arrived she decided it was too big and we had to then negotiate to get it picked up by the supplier from an address that was different from our own. What a palaver and red tape. We now ask our Son what to get and only get smaller gifts. Lesson learned!!

I uua.lly ask for suggestions. Big hots witg one year olds have included building blocks, duplo, play farm and noahs ark . All are still played with by 7 yr olds. Also pop up or lift the flap books or some that have buttons to make noises. Big favourites.

Ask what they would like as a gift and see whether your toy voucher can extend to that - one of my step daughter’s lives in a very tiny house and I always ask what she wants because I know that unwanted large toys are immediately recycled at the local toy library - if you get what they want there is a good chance your grandson will keep it and really a child only needs one walker - so they have a garden shed - maybe they can store it in there and use it for walking around the garden

It was our granddaughter's third birthday this month. I asked her parents what she wanted and they said clothes. GD had received so many toys at Christmas the house couldn't take any more. GD was happy with her new clothes. I got extra cute ones from ASDA. All I'm saying is ask the parents what they'd like you to get, or give them the toy voucher.

Either it is a practical consideration, or a control thing. In either case be honest about the voucher and let DIL decide what you spend it on. We were given rules, limiting gifts to £10, and either books or craft things. We knew in this case it was a control thing by DIL, but we more or less adhered to it. We have suggested big presents to the other side of my family, my DD, and have just bought a massive trike, but we asked if it would be acceptable first.

Granofone, I'm afraid you've got a lot of learning to do here and I speak from personal experience. It's taken me five whole years of learning to control my indulgence. For obvious reasons we want our GC to have the moon and every other item that's in existence. I don't know if that's because many of us had few toys as children or because we somehow feel that giving 'stuff' is a measure of our love. It certainly wasn't the latter in my case but the pleasure in buying for them was irresistable. I'm improving but it's certainly not easy. Not at all. I went upstairs with one GC to help her find a specific mislaid item. I was so overwhelmed when I saw the collection of cuddly toys from various people that I decided to count them. 68. She plays with one doll and that doll only. I have given larger items that have simply disappeared. No comment from me - parental choice. It's an ongoing dilemma that I never anticipated but having them is such a joy that I'm going to try to conform and behave responsibly. Totally out of character for me!

Faye,

Great Rules.

Thanks.

I am in a similar position as you, my daughter seems particularly strict with me because she can be. I am allowed to buy my grandson preferably 2nd hand stuff as she doesn't want to have too much stuff. I get around it by buying him presents but they stay at my house as I do a lot of babysitting and need activities. For his birthday I am buying him some clothes which she can change if she wants to.

I always ask DD what she wants for my DGSs, DGS1 is 8 next month & is into WWE figures, DD has picked up 4 on offer for me to give him (I will pay for them) & I always buy at least 1 book, I have done this since his 1st Christmas. It's not a proper Birthday/Christmas present without book(s).

DGS2 will be 1 in May, DD wants TootToot cars track/cars etc & of course book(s).

I would always ask before buying what they would like toywise , space is often at a premium, also no child needs 2 walkers, ask your DS for other options. Is he aware you have the voucher (I won't ask which store)? There are lots of options, also I usually buy for next age group up as they grow out of toys at that age.

Good luck & please don't see it as competition with other GPs, children love unconditionaly[flowerss]

Try not to be upset by this, your DS is just being practical and I’m sure he has no idea that he has hurt you.
I always ask first and that way DGC get what they want/need and I don’t waste my money.

omg they can't possibly find room for that in a 2-bedroom flat! If you really want them to have it, why not offer to keep it at your place to play with when he's there?

Disappointment is understandable but he gave a reasonable reason for not wanting this particular gift. It doesn't sound like it was personal in any way and it shouldn't be an insurmountable disappointment. I'm not really sure why you are so invested in that particular present. It would have been nice to be able to give the child something that big but you can still give him a nice gift that he will like.
Disappointment is just part of life. Your son can't avoid it so there is nothing to do with it but set it aside and move on.

My much loved late Mama got so fed up with this type of issue when her grandchildren were young that she just sent money (and that was actually cheaper). The hurt inflicted on her by these constant rejections by my thoughtless brother & wife was such that it stayed with her until her dying day (last year). As for me I sponsor animals instead and let the parents buy (why waste my time and money)