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Has this happened to anyone else?

(43 Posts)
Yellowmellow Sun 25-Feb-18 17:52:47

I had quite a large group of friends up until last year. In the last 7 years I have lost 6 close friends, all relatively young to cancer. I have recently found out that another really dear and close friend has stage 3 breast cancer. A lot of my other friends, only in their 60's also have health issues such as diabetes etc. Sometimes I feel so sad and feel as if I am going to be the only one left. Irrational I know.

Day6 Sun 25-Feb-18 18:22:53

Yellowmellow, we have been to five funerals in the last 18 months. Two have been the funerals of close friends who died in their 70s of illnesses.

Sadly, the other three were of young men, all under the age of 32. Two died of cancer, one committed suicide.

I think we have to accept that as we get older we will lose people dear to us. Life is precious but not all of us have the privilege of growing older and enjoying full lives.

I can understand you feeling vulnerable and sad and scared of a future without friends and loved ones in it. What is the alternative though? Best wishes - try to make exciting plans for yourself if you can so you look forward to your days rather than fear being alone, and also join things so that you still have a network of people to be there for you and to enrich your life.

BlueBelle Sun 25-Feb-18 18:27:14

I m lucky my four best friends are still going strong and my twelve schoolmates we meet once a month are all fit and well in varying degrees except one who has dementia but she’s still able to meet up with us she’s dropped off and picked up and recognises us We re all in our 70s to 80s must be the sea air

SueDonim Sun 25-Feb-18 18:34:31

We have been through a bad spell with friends, too. Of the husbands of the three couples closest to us, one has heart problems (hopefully sorted via surgery for now) another has early onset dementia and the third has a type of leukaemia, which may require treatment in the future. Our neighbour has also been diagnosed with dementia, which was a real shock. None are more than mid-70's. sad

I tell myself, though, that my mum is still going strong at 90 and my mil went onto 93 so it isn't all bad.

Iam64 Sun 25-Feb-18 18:54:13

Most of us are in the age group that means our family and friends are facing the kind of health issues that change lives, or cause earlier death than any of us hope for.
It's one of the challenges of the stage of life we're at, to face our own health problems and the loss of loved one's. Lots of loss and the need to enjoy the day and appreciate the joys in life.

nanaK54 Sun 25-Feb-18 18:57:43

Yellowmellow flowers it's so tough isn't it, I have also lost a lot of friends who were far too young to die

Bridgeit Sun 25-Feb-18 19:11:22

Yes, and it’s very very sad & you do start to wonder who’s going to be next. Perhaps compared to previous generations we are relatively living longer. It is the one of the few things in life which we have in common. Just have to remind ourselves we are the luckier ones for the moment, so make the most of every day, which doesn’t necessarily mean going ballistic trying to cram everything in, for me at least it is trying always to count the goods things in our personal lives & to be grateful for what we have.

SueDonim Sun 25-Feb-18 19:17:28

Iam64, I think one of the challenges for me has been that it's all happened so suddenly and in a cluster. If I had ever thought about it all, I imagined it would be the occasional person dropping off their perch, not all at once.

morethan2 Sun 25-Feb-18 19:45:03

I feel the same, it’s horrible isn’t it? I lost my mum in the mid 1970s then nothing until the last four+ years. There’s been no end of Sickness and death. I try not to brood because I know there lies the path to madness/depression. It also makes me want to live in the moment.

Craicon Sun 25-Feb-18 20:37:47

I had 2 friends die around Christmas. One late forties and the other mid fifties. Far too young.
It does make you wonder what it’s all about. sad

OldMeg Sun 25-Feb-18 21:29:52

We never know what’s around the corner for any of us, our friends or worse still our families. Enjoy each day. Don’t sweat the small stuff and be kind to one another.

It’s especially sad when someone dies and you’ve never had the chance to say ‘goodbye’.

MesMopTop Mon 26-Feb-18 00:06:54

Just recently lost my 57 yo friend, the first of our “age group’. Really made me stop and think of my mortality and had given me s nudge to start getting things sorted out like wills, healthcare directives and all the legal stuff. My friend dies quite suddenly and not from her ailments that had plagued her for several years. A beautiful soul that will always be remembered with love x

Grandma2213 Mon 26-Feb-18 00:23:52

Iam I totally agree with you. We as a family have always been pragmatic about death. Certainly at our age it is sad but to be expected. What I find hard to deal with is the loss of a number of DS's friends in their late 20's and early 30's in the last couple of years. One was knifed but 3 others committed suicide, all of them after being denied access to their children. Such a waste of promising young lives.

grannyactivist Mon 26-Feb-18 00:49:15

Thirty five years ago I employed an eighteen year old as my assistant after she had had a kidney transplant and regarded herself as 'unemployable'. She was not expected to live very long as, in addition to her kidney problems, she had a wealth of serious health issues, but she not only lived, she married a lovely young man from our church and they had thirty one happy years together. She has recently died at the age of only fifty three, but I must confess that I regard it as something of a miracle that she lived so long and had a full and happy life. We all knew that she was on borrowed time and so did she, so she truly relished life.
At the moment I go to about the same number of weddings as funerals each year, but I fear the weighting is sliding towards the latter with each year that passes.

kittylester Mon 26-Feb-18 07:43:06

We too have lost a fair few friends and acquaintances over the last 5 years but not in a cluster.

The shocking thing to me is the number of people diagnosed with dementia at our age - they have come in a cluster.

I remember divorce coming in clusters when we were in our 30/40s.

luluaugust Mon 26-Feb-18 10:13:11

Same here, a very dear friend died a couple of years ago under 70 and I miss her very much, we have lost count of the number of DH's work colleagues who have died in their late fifties and sixties.

Grandma70s Mon 26-Feb-18 10:33:02

One good friend died of cancer in June, another is recently diagnosed with what seems to be a terminal cancer. Both are over 5 years younger than me It is depressing and scary. I am scared of being the only one left, as happened to my mother. My children are supportive, but live at the other end of the country.

Persistentdonor Mon 26-Feb-18 10:37:50

I seem to be having a similar time - spending a great deal of time at funerals, and I agree it is a challenge that we face at this stage of our lives.

I try to remember my lost ones by celebrating the good times rather than dwelling on the mourning. Which is far easier to say than to do.

I read something about making our lives better, including appreciating "micro magic" - that is, really noticing small things around us to elevate our mood. [e.g. For me the rainbows cast by crystals hanging in windows is a continual joy and wonder!]

Hope you are able to feel brighter and more positive soon. flowers

Elrel Mon 26-Feb-18 10:38:40

Sadly this happens with age. I’ve lost several close friends, some younger than I am. My aunt began, in her 80s, to say almost all her friends had died, soon, sadly, all had gone. She however lived to over 100, always good company and lovely to be with.
I have two good friends 15 years older than I am. Also, through interests, I enjoy seeing much younger acquaintances. That’s life I guess.

BRedhead59 Mon 26-Feb-18 11:07:40

We keep being told we are all living longer and putting a strain on the NHS and other services. I have doubted it for some time, some are but many are dying of cancers, stress/suicide, dementia and other conditions. My philosophy is to keep doing what I want to do, travel and enjoy myself until something strikes me down.

grandtanteJE65 Mon 26-Feb-18 11:10:27

Sadly, we have to face the fact that friends and family die and deaths as you all say come in batches.

Try if at all possible to make new friends. I know it gets harder the older we get, and that nothing replaces the friends of our youth, but I can assure you there are plenty others in our age groups who have lost just as many old friends as we, so there are a lot of others looking for new friends and acquaintances.

henetha Mon 26-Feb-18 11:13:46

It's one of the saddest things as we get old. I've lost so many dear friends in recent years and miss them dreadfully.
But it's a normal part of life, I suppose. Luckily I have made some new friends.

Yorkshiregirl Mon 26-Feb-18 11:15:28

Sorry to hear you have lost so many friends Mellowyellow, and that you have a friend witb stage 3 breast cancer. I too have stage 3 aggressive breast cancer, but I am positive I have years yet to live. Things have progressed so much, and the cancer treatment is fantastic now. Maybe try to join some local groups and make some new friends

Sheilasue Mon 26-Feb-18 11:47:56

It is so sad lost a friend who used to be a neighbour too. Died suddenly heart gave out only 70. Was such a shock.

DS64till Mon 26-Feb-18 11:55:15

I lost a very dear friend this morning. She was in her 70s; I’m in my 50s but she really understood me. These types of relationships are so precious. My heart is really in pieces 😔