Gone off in a huff

Lots of people are scared of dogs with good reason, as most of them have at the very least never had a dog, others have been bitten as children.

Your in-laws are behaving as responsible dog-owners should and being willing to keep the dog away from you.

It's entirely up to you, whether you want help to control your fear of dogs or not, but I do feel your life will be a little easier if you do get professional help to overcome your fear of dogs, as unfortunately, lots of dog owners are, unlike your in-laws, not at all bothered by the fact that a lot of people are scared silly of dogs.

Our pets are, as a matter of course, kept away from visitors who are afraid of them, allergic to them, or who just prefer not to be in the same room as them. This to me is just good manners on the part of a host, and obviously your parents-in-law agree with me on this.

Forget about it. Just carry on with your day and don't even ask where he's been when he arrives home.
If you say anything it might be the start of an argument.
I'm not fond of dogs either and don't like them jumping up or sniffing me and definitely don't want them near the table at mealtimes or on chairs I might sit on.
It's ok not to want to go so don't feel guilty.

Minxie .I am of the opinion the dog is not the main issue here but you had already made plans for that day so are not happy to re- arrange.If ' him indoors'' having sprung this on you would mean letting down others who were included in your plans for mothers day so then a compromise, don't blame the poor dog, but speak to his parents be honest and tell them what you had already done and can you meet up with them another time It would not hurt the dog for a few hours to be in a cage but in the mean time consider getting more help with your phobia. Dogs are a part of our lives. This is something you have to live with.

I would go if the dog is going to be in a cage. Don’t worry about the dog’s wellbeing - I had a greyhound cross, a beautiful, gentle girl but the laziest dog I’ve ever come across. Your in- laws dog will probably relish the opportunity of a long, comfortable and undisturbed sleep!

Your dry sense of humour often makes me giggle Miss Adventure. ❗️ ‘Or a greyhound in a crate’. Love it.

I feel for you, but they’ve made an offer to help. If they already have a cage for the dog, that seems to imply that the dog already spends time in there, so no need to feel guilty. I know you said meeting up midway isn’t an option, but if you make the effort to go, showing you appreciate their provision, then you, or better still your OH could offer to take them out for a meal while you’re there.
My Mum lived nearly 2 hours away and we didn’t necessarily visit for a whole day, so a shorter visit would be another option if you are able to go. Hope you get something sorted.

Get some help dogs are lovely creatures. You will find it’s the best thing you have ever done.

Lots of reasons for being frightened of dogs, but every one of them points to the fact that you need to deal with this fear for your own mental well-being and that of others around you. Go to your local dog training school/club and you will probably find that they allow people such as yourself to attend the classes, to sit and watch at fairly close quarters, how dogs are trained, and you will then progress to being able to be much closer to a dog, and then maybe to even touch one. You have to make the effort because dog ownership is a fact of life. Your in-laws are making the effort for you by offering to cage the dog and you are looking for another excuse not to go by saying you'll feel guilty - this seems to be all about you and not your wider family. So, woman-up - get some help and be forward-thinking - what about your own children (do you have any) - are you going to pass on your dog phobia to them? I know two people in the same situation to yourself. One has a three-year old child and her hubby has laid the law down that she is not to put any such ideas into the child's head. This has prompted her to look more rationally at the situation and to have dog familiarisation classes. She's improving no end. One of the children of another friend has also had such a fear of dogs, and he's been to dog training school where he's been close up with dogs and even got to the point where he lay down on the floor and let a trained dog walk over him. Everything's possible if you take a positive view.

Then I think you could get some appreciation for the fear people have about dogs.

London I have ended up in hospital after a spider bite. Luckily discharged the same day after injections and observation.
Not in this country I should add, but they are something to be feared too.

Ring your in laws up and just be blatantly honest with them both ! Otherwise it can snowball and create all sorts of problems. We have all just responded to a thread with difficult DIL’s !!

There are lots of dog minders around now. Ours goes to one for the day occasionally and stays with her when we go on holiday. He has a whale of a time with the other dogs. Perhaps you could offer to pay for this as it would be much better for the dog than being in a cage all day.

Jalima: "Someone I worked with many years ago used to do this and did offer to help me but I didn't take him up on it

Like cats homing in on DH's dislike of them, spiders seem to seek me out".

True, fear of spiders seems to be inherent . The many replies show how fear of dogs was learned and is not inherent, and that is very interesting .

If Minxie could remember I'd bet that something or somebody in her past childhood taught her to fear dogs. Fortunately for Minxie she can learn to like dogs instead. All very interesting replies.

I too have been badly bitten and I am a bit scared of dogs especially when they jump up at me. It is infuriating when the owners say (as they usually do) 'oh shes's just being friendly! ' I'm sure owners can tell from my body language that I'm not keen. But it's not a phobia shich wpuld be vwry difficult as we see a lot of dogs out and ablu5t as well as at houses. With friends who have dogs I usually say 'Im.not a dog person' and they tend to keep dogs in another ROOM. But I can tolerate them in tge same room as log as they keep away from me.

As a lifelong dog owner I get so, so frustrated when I see other dog owners telling people who are obviously afraid "Oh no, Scruffy is really friendly"!

I'm not fond of spiders, over the years I can cope with them but if there's one in the room one of us has to leave! Usually spider, in a glass with a bit of cardboard - if he ain't paying rent he ain't staying! Imagine a spider the size of a dog, running in all directions, you're unable to guess which direction it's going to head for next, and tell me "Oh no, Spidey is really friendly"! Then I think you could get some appreciation for the fear people have about dogs.

Sorry I meant it IS right you should go not isn't.

minix it isn't right that you should go. Go for your DH who has been kind to your family. Think perhaps that his family would like to see you both together. Tell your DH that you would like him to stay close by your side and make sure the dog does not come near you but do try.
I have claustrophobia and have led a very restrictive life for years until I decided to go for CBT. It helped a little but enough for me to know I had to face my fears myself and find a way through. With the full support and help of my DH I have come on considerably and for the first time in over 40 years have been in a lift and a plane and a train. Phobias are real and hard to cope with but perhaps now is the time to try and do something about it. Good luck

I don't like dogs after being bitten on the face by my aunt's farm dog, when I was nine. For years I hid my phobia. I would go to friend's houses who had dogs and just cringe when they came near me. Now I'm happy to admit I'm scared of dogs. As your in-laws are happy to put the dog in it's cage you should go along with good grace.

I am so sorry you have a phobia about dogs - that cant be easy for you. I have a friend and when her mum and dad visit (her mum isnt keen on dogs) they arrange for the dog to go to a friends for the day as they completely understand how she feels and realised how important it is. Could they not do something like that just for a few hours?

Well done Everthankful for having the drive and motivation to get over your phobia. Did you have treatment or did you tackle it yourself?

I can sympathise with you on this mattter as used to have a phobia (not a fear) of dogs. I once froze and started to panic when a poodle was being walked on a lead on the opposite side of the street! I had numerous days off work when I couldn’t bring myself to walk past my neighbors garden when their dog was out. I would take lengthy detours to avoid any dog I can hardly believe that I have owned 3 large German shepherds, a Heinz 57, fostered a staffy and now have a Labrador. There is light at the end of the tunnel, just take it slowly and take baby steps.

I had in mind something like the desensitisation people get to overcome fear of spiders.
Someone I worked with many years ago used to do this and did offer to help me but I didn't take him up on it

Like cats homing in on DH's dislike of them, spiders seem to seek me out.

I had a lifelong fear of dogs having been attacked by an Alsatian when young. A few years ago now My friend had a Rottweiler and I was visiting her. I was scared but In time i grew to love this dog who was more scared of other dogs whatever their size than they could be of her. I was very sad when she died.
Another friend has a greyhound and she spends most of the time asleep. She is gentle and I am perfectly ok with her.
perhaos take the advice given and find someone with a really quiet dog. I really was thrown in it with the Rottweiler.
I still hate it when dogs bark esoecially when I am out but am much better than I was.
Hope it all goes well sunday.

Or a greyhound in a crate?

Minxie wrote:
"I will have another go at hypnotherapy to top me up so to speak ".

I had in mind something like the desensitisation people get to overcome fear of spiders. Someone suggested getting to know a harmless puppy for a start.

I noticed that my niece, who was timid around dogs, showed her fear by bending her elbows and holding her hands up on her chest so the dog wouldn't sniff them. The dog always thought she had a biscuit or treat in her hands and it was like a magnet. Once she learned to keep her hands down and open, the dog lost interest. She had to be very brave. Until we sorted it out, you could see that both were misinterpreting each other's body language and I could see how difficult that might have become if it had continued. It's good advice to see what help is available, but don't feel at fault for this phobia, which might have some very good historical reasons from when you were little.