Shopping & buying the first pram

Loved the privilege of paying for the first travel system (definitely not merely a pram) and was awarded the gold star of taking the baby for her first outing in it (to the local library). Don’t sweat the small stuff, as others have advised.

My DS and DiL decided together on the pram they wanted. We offered to buy it, did so online and had it delivered to them. No problem

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Prams are very personal to a couple, they have to be so adaptable today. I only could afford 2nd hand prams for my children so have been really happy to buy for first DD then DIL. Both times the couple did the searching and I paid. The fun time is when you finally get to push out your grandchild, who in my case seemed to fall straight asleep.

It is hard to let them get on with it, but dont let it cause a problem.

I understand you are feeling upset as you had built up clear expectations of pram shopping that your DD does not share - but try not to fall out and create a rift at this special time. Having words and arguments about something that - in the great scheme of things - won't matter in 6 months will not be a great start to your grandparent relationship.

You need to think about what it is that is upsetting you. Why are you feeling left out? Did you want to choose the pram? Do you really want to tramp around multiple shops while they test prams and try to fit them in the car boot?Prams are very individual and needs to be chosen by the parents who are going use it day to day. Perhaps DD feels that she has waited all this time to shop for the baby and wants to choose her own baby items.

Or perhaps she feels stress. Do you think that your expectations of this wonderful pram buying experience that would "heal all the pain" might be too overwhelming for your DD? She may be feeling a lot of mixed feelings and find such high expectations presurizing. I also had a lot of difficulty conceiving and had multiple miscarriages. I did not find shopping for the baby to be joyous - I found it frought with worry and anxiety. I was not sure that there would be a baby (there almost wasn't as we both ended up in ICU). Shopping was very stressful and I felt better keeping it very low key and without expectations as much of the time I did not feel excited,

The OP asked to go.
Her daughter explained that she didn't want that.

That should've been it. No 'words' should've been said.

Especially to a woman experiencing a high risk pregnancy who has had to suffer losing babies before.

I’m at a complete loss here. I don’t think the OP said there were any strings attached. I don’t think she said she wouldn’t pay if she couldn’t help choose either .

I don't understand how you can feel piqued that this couple want to pram shop together for a much wanted and waited for first baby.
You offered to pay - you need to look at the cost of these baby machines, huge expense. Decide what you can afford to contribute, give that to them and step back.
Please don't fall out with your daughter about this, it just isn't worth it and is to be honest, shocking.

I hate you had "words" over a pram. Your dd has her own "pram dreams" and many other dreams as well. I think you would be wise to apologise profusely and take a step back.

I’m so happy for you all that there’s a new baby arriving.

One thing to consider though; your daughter has probably dreamed of pram shopping too, and coupled with losses/difficulty conceiving, this might be an extremely important moment that she’s imagined.

I so hope that your “having words” haven’t spoiled this for her and her other half.

It’s lovely and generous that you want to pay, but as others have said, if strings are attached to your gift (however well-meaning), it may cause upset at what should be a lovely time. I hope you can fix any upset caused.

I think if there have been problems conceiving then it will be very special for the couple and you should let them go together without saying anything. Your DD does want to include you in the final purchasing of it. Prams are very different now and the couple will know what is right for their circumstances. They might feel you would try and influence them one way or the other.
Having said that, we were asked to go with DD1 and SIL to choose and DD2 won't buy anything without me being there so went with her too and her fiancé was not asked (least said ...).

The pram will still be gift from you,
just chosen by the parents to be.

Its hard not to get carried away and picture how things will be when the new baby arrives.
You have wonderful times in front,
From your first cuddle to pushing your new DGC in their new pram.

Becoming a grandmother is a joy

A gift is not a gift if there are stringed attached.

If I were your daughter I'd tell you to keep your guilt money and because you'd 'had words' on something you had no right to dictate and ensure that you didn't spoil any other special occasions.
This is her rainbow baby. They were her losses and you had no right to spoil that for her or him.

And the chances of any 'Nanna-to-be' stepping away from the perambulator when that gorgeous baby is in it...are nil.

That was a bad choice of words gillybob, but I meant it in terms of being in 'a very important position', rather than the more pejorative 'centre of attention'.

Did the OP ever suggest she wanted to be “centre front” grannyA?

Oh dear. Unmet expectations are dreadful emotional triggers and this is what's happened here. Your daughter expected that she and baby's dad would take time out alone and tussle/argue/agree over pram choices, and as you're paying you expected to be centre front whilst the choice was being made. No right or wrong here, just the need NaNNaN00 for you to be the 'grown up' and swallow your (minor?) disappointment and focus instead on this lovely new grandchild. Here, have some to sweeten the pill and then maybe call your (emotional/hormonal) daughter and make up.

I didn’t think the OP was suggesting assisting at the birth or choosing the name..... she just said she would like to be there when they choose the pram that she will be paying for.

Why deny her that simple pleasure? I can’t understand it .

Maybe my DD and DDiL are just very easy going.

I agree with Maw and other posters. They have waited a long time for this baby and now want to prepare together.

Sorry NaNNaNoo I think you are entirely wrong to be piqued.
It’s their baby, not yours and a generous gesture is only generous if no strings are attached.

PS don’t we already have a Nannanoo (with or without the uppercase letters) ?

I do remember looking in John Lewis at the prams when our GD was expecting. As others have said I nearly fell over at the price, and said to DH, we could have bought a second hand car for that much.

Modern “travel systems” seem to come the size of a small family car and don’t cost much less.
DD2 (sensibly) used second hand from DD1 and her Sister -in - law - in fact there was a bit of a glut of travel systems!

I went with DS and DIL while they chose a pram, told them not to worry about the cost and stood back, when they decided I paid easy peasy. Not like the old days though, it was a travel system, I would willingly have paid for a Silver Cross coach built.

My DDs did just what the daughter of Op has suggested. Looked themselves and then we went with them to order and pay. Not a problem.

Just enjoy the pleasure of paying for the prom and look forward to the greater pleasure of a new family member to love.

I've heard just recently that it's daughter's mum who has the privilege of buying the pram.
Oooops, we bought the pram for each of our 4 ds first baby.

First we saw of it was when baby arrived in the pram to visit. We didn't do any shopping for it at all, and honestly didn't expect to. we get on well wth all our DILs .... it truely didn't cross my mind.

OP just say sorry that you were over excited... and make up with your daughter