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Shopping & buying the first pram

(48 Posts)
NaNNaN00 Wed 07-Mar-18 14:09:21

Hello to all the experienced grandmothers on here. I am a very, very happy Nanna-to-be 'cause my daughter and son-in-law have, finally, been blessed with, (what is looking like) a healthy pregnancy after many difficulties and many years. Trepidly, they are starting to look to buy for the their little one, whom is due to arrive in July.
I have offered to buy the pram; believing it to be as-much-a tradition and rite of passage, for the mother of the mum2B to buy the pram as it is for the mother-of-the-bride to buy the wedding dress!!
Because I'd be paying on my credit card, I'd presumed that I'd be going with them when they went pram-shopping. I'd pictured my daughter's joy on, finally, being able to choose a pram for the baby she'd hoped for for so long........ a vivid picture in my minds eye that would, surely, help heal all the pain (mine included) that there has been in reaching this point. I was so looking forward to it; seeing her tentively taking a step closer to the preciousness of motherhood.
However, after a conversation with her, I realise now that she wishes for just the two of them to go pram shopping together until they decide on their choice. And then, on a separate day, for me to go with her, just to the one shop to order & pay for the pram they have settled on.
Now, I don't know if you'll understand me on this?, but, I'm piqued. Rightly or wrongly, I'm piqued.!!
(and, to spoil it completely, we've had "words").
I can only compare it to paying for her wedding dress without feeling the love as she tried numerous gowns before deciding!!!
Have I got it all wrong?, is it just about those two (three!)?, should this Nanna-to-be "step away from the perambulator!!!"

tanith Wed 07-Mar-18 14:17:04

Just give them the money and leave them to choose and pay for it themselves. It's their first steps to making their family together and you need to give them the space to do that. If you were invited them a different kettle of fish but you weren't so step back, smile and look forward to a lovely Time when the baby comes.

loopyloo Wed 07-Mar-18 14:27:40

Easy to get the pram wrong too. I went through a whole fleet . Had a convertible carrycot / pram that my mother bought but it was very heavy. Then I bought a second hand McLaren that was excellent . Light and easy to zip in and out of the car. 13 months had second baby and had a classic twin pram that was very good.Second hand bought from a mother who had twins. Good suspension and could put all my shopping underneath. Then had a twin McLaren buggy. You go through stages.
Be aware that bulky buggies are a real pain in shops and on buses. A babysling and a light buggy has a lot to be said for it.

Daddima Wed 07-Mar-18 14:32:55

You’ve offered to pay, so let them choose, and step back.

Lilypops Wed 07-Mar-18 14:37:22

NaNanana Noo. Can you not just give your D your credit card to go and buy the pram , it,s an exciting time for them , one of many things they will want to do as a couple , not three, be so happy for them , don't get upset or you will sour future relationships as Grandmother, , Give them your card with a big happy smile, You can always buy/knit a nice pram blanket,

Greyduster Wed 07-Mar-18 14:38:56

I agree. We offered to buy our grandson’s pram but did not impose ourselves on the shopping process - just handed over a cheque when the deed was done. The only stipulation from us was that it had to fit in our car! I must admit, it wouldn’t have been what I had in mind, but it was a practical, multifunctional off road vehicle that did him sterling service through his babyhood. Don’t be peeved. Just take joy in the fact that you have made a useful financial contribution to the the little one’s needs, which I’m sure will be greatly appreciated. Prams don’t come cheap!

Ilovecheese Wed 07-Mar-18 14:39:44

This is another problem of mismatched expectations isn't it.
I think you are just going to have to take it on the chin, say sorry for having words, and as you say "Step away from the pram!"

stella1949 Wed 07-Mar-18 14:44:42

As a mum I know that we dream of how things will be...but sometimes we have to accept that real life isn't as we'd imagined. In this situation I'd accept that after all the disappointments, they are excited and embracing this wonderful experience . Let them do it on their own - give them the money and let them enjoy the purchase together.

gillybob Wed 07-Mar-18 15:03:50

No I don't think you have got it wrong NaNNaNoo .

My DD is 32 weeks pregnant with the baby she was told she would never have and to say we are thrilled (and shocked) is an understatement. We immediately offered (well insisted would be more accurate) that we buy the pram and I was asked along to help them choose. I'm glad I did go along because I remembered to measure their small passageway (they live in a tiny box of a house) and they were quite limited for space .

They did make the final decision of brand, type, colour etc. but I was on hand with the credit card.

silverlining48 Wed 07-Mar-18 15:22:05

I remember wandering round JL looking at prams, until I was stopped in my tracks when I realised I had been missing out the final zero on the price tags. After I picked myself up from the floor I had to go and have a cuppa. Would have preferred a g and t but made do.
I was relieved I hadn’t made an offer and happy when daughter found a second hand pram ( which still cost what I would have anticipated paying if it were new).
We hated the pram, struggled to put it up and down, so many different buttons to push pull and press and it was huge, it was heavy. I longed for my simple buggy which folded on a clip and you could carry in one hand.

wildswan16 Wed 07-Mar-18 15:27:01

They've waited a long time for their baby. They want to share all the experiences involved together. Maybe her husband would feel a bit "pushed out" if you and your daughter were discussing things together.

Give them a price limit you are comfortable spending and then let them do it their way, and have a special time with your daughter when you go to buy it.

Jalima1108 Wed 07-Mar-18 15:30:56

loopyloo Absolutely - prams, pushchairs, all very individual choices and you only learn by experience which are the best ones for your circumstances (in my case, loads of steps to the front door).

I offered to buy the pram for DS and DIL's No. 1. I didn't realise it was the prerogative of the maternal GM, oops blush but just left them to choose it and handed over the money.

Don't faint when you get the bill.

Luckygirl Wed 07-Mar-18 15:33:03

Oh leave them to it - scrap the pique - life is just too short.

Jalima1108 Wed 07-Mar-18 15:33:12

and it wasn't suitable for No. 2 because they had moved house in the meantime, so they bought a new, lighter one themselves and I had the old one to keep here.

jusnoneed Wed 07-Mar-18 15:33:22

I would let them have the fun and joy of choosing the pram they want, then go with your D to buy it.
Many many years ago I saw the pram I wanted, told my Mil who was buying it. She went to the shop, paid for it and had it delivered to her house as she wouldn't let me have it in mine until after my son was born - bad luck!

silverlining - I must admit I was horrified by the price of the tiny things in Mothercare the other day when I glanced as I headed to the Early Learning part. They are only in them such a small time these days, not like ours stayed in the proper pram for a year or more.

gillybob Wed 07-Mar-18 15:36:11

My DD has never been extravagant bless her and she was deliberately looking at the cheapest prams available. I accompanied them around the shops and finally said "this one is lovely" and bless her she said "oh mum, that is one of the ones I love, but its far too expensive" It was the price I had in mind paying anyway.

gillybob Wed 07-Mar-18 15:37:28

I would have loved a new pram for my DS or DD. I ended up with a 50th hand jalopy of a thing for DS and a better 2nd hand one for DD.

Grannyknot Wed 07-Mar-18 15:48:57

Hi Nannanoo - in this instance, it doesn't matter what you want, it matters what they want (as hard as that may be). I can imagine that they are over the moon and "jealously guarding" every aspect of their shared experience of this new baby.

And with the myriad of choices out there, better to have as few opinions as possible.

If I were you, I would happily let them choose it and switch my focus and my dreams on the day that I accompany my daughter to pay for and collect the pram for this much wanted baby.

Congrats by the way smile

Willow500 Wed 07-Mar-18 16:02:01

I can understand your excitement at the forthcoming grandchild especially after so long but really much as you want to be involved this is your daughter and her husband's baby so I think it's a time to step back and let them make the decision about the pram themselves. Yes it's disappointing they want to do it alone but you are still going to be invited along to see it when you pay for it when you can perhaps chose some of the other things to go with it (bag, covers etc). It's 20 years since our first GD was born but we did pay for her pram and I remember I was slightly disappointed when they went for a modern small one rather than a lovely coach built one which I had always coveted but of course I didn't say anything and understood the practicality of the one they chose. Just look forward to the day when you're pushing your new baby grandchild around in whatever they decide on and be happy. Hope the pregnancy goes well.

Franbern Wed 07-Mar-18 16:05:32

Hope your credit card can take a lot of bashing. Almost need to take out a mortgage for many of todays prams.
Choosing a pram should very much be something the soon o be Mum and Dad do together. A lot of stores you have to make a timed appointment to be shown particular items,. Why should they want a third party along for that.?
Let them go along and choose it, if necessary give them some sort of price guide that you can afford - they may wish to top-up. Just enjoy their delight in their forthcoming baby and your own delight in becoming a grandmother.

Gerispringer Wed 07-Mar-18 16:08:29

Oh gawd I never offered to pay for a pram and I never thought about going pram shopping either. I had a ( 2nd hand) proper pram which lasted several years with one of those toddler seats on top.

mcem Wed 07-Mar-18 16:13:26

Although you've waited a long time and it's understandable, I believe you are putting yourself centre-stage and that is just not your place.
Their baby, their choices.
Tell yourself now that this is a first step for all of you. Is it a step towards being possessive and confrontational or a step towards becoming a supportive grandmother.
Apologise and get to know where you fit in to the family.
Good luck and congratulations to all ( but learn the art of biting your tongue).

Greyduster Wed 07-Mar-18 16:18:02

Both my children had second hand prams. DD’s was a horrible carrycot on wheels but was the only thing we could fit comfortably into our mini! I had that I’m mind when we offered to foot the bill for my grandson’s Mean Machine!

Coolgran65 Wed 07-Mar-18 16:20:58

I've heard just recently that it's daughter's mum who has the privilege of buying the pram.
Oooops, we bought the pram for each of our 4 ds first baby.

First we saw of it was when baby arrived in the pram to visit. We didn't do any shopping for it at all, and honestly didn't expect to. we get on well wth all our DILs .... it truely didn't cross my mind.

OP just say sorry that you were over excited... and make up with your daughter flowers

ginny Wed 07-Mar-18 16:59:45

My DDs did just what the daughter of Op has suggested. Looked themselves and then we went with them to order and pay. Not a problem.

Just enjoy the pleasure of paying for the prom and look forward to the greater pleasure of a new family member to love.