Daughter asked by boyfriend if she wants a threesome

If she's never given you cause for concern before, I would trust her judgement. She's your DD after all. I'm sure you'll have set a good example. You can't protect them all the time and they have to make their own mistakes. When I was particularly worried , when they were hitchhiking across Europe for example, I used to comfort myself that no news is good news and there was no point in lying awake imagining all the horrors! Maybe we were lucky but they all survived. Now I will be fretting about the GC. Good luck with this crisis.

I by chance discovered my mum reading my diary, which I'd thought was hidden when I was 15, nothing to really hide, just a bit of snogging and who I fancied at the time. Result. I felt totally violated.
I never trusted her after that and became extremely wary about discussing my private life with her.

I think a lot of you are being very harsh on OP. Whether she is right or wrong, she is worried! Vik.... I totally understand your concerns and why you feel apprehensive (and yes I have 'snooped' in the past and I don't feel bad about it at all, although I was more concerned about drugs not experimental sex). As others have said, you really will have to hope she has enough grounding to be able to say NO to anything she is uncomfortable with.

The transition period from child to adult IS very difficult for parents but we have to let them go..........and pray!

Good luck

Vik65

Have p.m’d you.

To those of you who say you would worry ( we all worry always but you have to get it in perspective) can you honestly say that at 19 you knew what your child’s sexlife was like I certainly didn’t My two daughters both left home at 18 one to work in London and one to work overseas I had NO idea whether they were in good bad or destructive relationships I could only hope they remembered what I d taught them and they knew I d be there to pick any pieces up if necessary My son lived at home till he was about 21 but again although I knew his girlfriends I certainly did nt know what they were up to
I left home at 18 to work away from home and my Mum and Dad knew nothing of my sex life Surely you shouldn’t be snooping around to know her business if she needs help she s sure to ask you if you have a good relationship
And of course we always worry I still do but keep it to yourself

?

whispers quietly ....
perhaps it's a joke between them - perhaps boyfriend has a new dog who likes sleeping on the bed .....
or a cat .....

At least the boyfriend is asking her, and not springing it on her when she visits. In any case he could be referring to anything - eg eating out with a mutual friend, going to a film, or anything. Maybe he has a child from a previous relationship that he sees at weekends, or a family member that visits. Just make sure you are around and available in case she ever wants to talk, but don’t ask other than beyond the usual “did you have a nice weekend, do anything special?” Type questions.

I think you need to buy your own laptop of tablet if you can afford it. If you can read her messages she can probably read yours. What if someone were to private message you about this thread?

I know Jalima. I agree should have been done years ago since childhood really. Communications depend on the nature of the present relationship. Even so, a throwaway remark maybe such as "Take care. There are some funny people out there." might be well received.

Bluebelle and I worried about this thread, upthread. IYSWIM

We all know that this could appear on F B or the Daily Mail.
I do sometimes wonder about some threads mcem

A mother chooses to read her adult daughter's messages from her boyfriend and then proceeds to spread that daughter's business all over social media!
Don't let's fool ourselves that this is a cosy chat amongst concerned friends. We all know that this could appear on F B or the Daily Mail.
Heaven help the mother/daughter relationship if this conversation does spread all over the media, as well it might.
This is not just a minor invasion of privacy but potentially a real betrayal.

Yes, of course, Alexa but the chats between mother and daughter about respect for oneself and one's body should have taken place years ago and at 19 she may well not listen and tell her mother she is an adult and can do what she likes.

Jalima wrote:

"The DD in question is 19, not 16."

But I say better late than never. Much depends on how sympathetically the communications are done. It's a sensitive area.

As silverlining suggests, perhaps a chat with your DD without making it sound worried and without letting her know you have read her messages.
Letting her know that you know she is an adult, able to make her own decisions but you are her mother and will always worry about her.
You could invite the boyfriend to visit - sometimes seeing someone in your own home environment is enough to make you realise he 'doesn't fit in', although sometimes it takes a while to find that out.

I would be concerned if that were my daughter. 19 may be adult now but it’s still very young.
400 miles is a long way away, it’s probable that the relationship will fizzle out but I think i would still have a conversation with her, keeping it light. Only you know whether or not to mention what you read. Tough one, but that’s motherhood. Good luck.

First you say she doesn't know you have access to her messages, then you say you had permission to use her computer and it just popped up.

Might be worth pointing out to her that this happens without mentioning what you read and to be careful who she gives permission to use her computer. Maybe she needs to adjust her settings.

stop worrying, you can do nothing about this situation, unless you ask your daughter.
Please don’t do that or you will be posting on another thread on GN.
Accept that you should not have looked at a private message and move on.
And don’t do it again.
And like I said before it might not mean what you think, and if it does? Well so what? at least her boyfriend asked her first.

It's a mother's lot to worry I'm afraid. My daughter is 50 this year and still I worry about her.
A cheery prospect for you Vik

Just can't not worry

If you were given permission to use her computer and the message appeared as it does on messenger and internet explorer mail, although only part of the message you could say something. But it might not have been about sex. It could have been about including someone else in something else.

Vic65, if your daughters private messages are popping up for you to see, why the the great secrecy? Just mention to her that you couldn't help but see them and were concerned?

The DD in question is 19, not 16.

Of course mothers tell their daughters about the big bad world out there and the different types of men they may encounter. However, if you go on about it endlessly it could have the opposite effect to the one you wish, in that the daughters may rebel.

Were you really allowed to sit in a methadone clinic for an afternoon? Did none of the staff come and ask what you were doing there? That surprises me.

And - DC do not always tell their parents what they get up to.
And parents continue to worry about their DC (then their DGC) however old they are.

It comes with being a mother.

Gigi.... Respect from me. Did exactly the same to my own DD. Couldn't be prouder of her . X

Good for you Gigi. Realistic love.