Inheritance

I agree with Not Spaghetti. The money was left to you not your children for a reason; so you have something for your old age. We have done a similar thing in our will. The money will go to our children only. When they die their children will inherit from them.
I find it annoying that the next generation thinks everything is theirs by right. We never inherited anything from our parents and we had to pay for their funerals because that was the way it was.
'NO' is small word and very little used with our children. We also tend to forget that our children are adults just like us. Your son is an adult not a child who already benefits from your generosity by living cheaply, that is should be enough. If he doesn't like it he can always live somewhere else. Unfortunately reality is harsh and he has to grow up.

obviously NO. how has he got you in this position to think he can make you feel guilty? think it is time he tested his wings and flew the nest. The money was willed to you it is in your gift. No ifs and buts stand firm. You don't want to be dependent on him and you have a disabled son to care for. Thank goodness your father gave you some financial independence.

The money was left to you, to do as you see fit, or need to do (e.g. to look after yourself).

If the inheritance is big, and you know you will not need it all, inheritance tax means that it could make sense to gift some of it in advance of your death (at least 7 years in advance, to your sons or anyone else you want). If you die within the 7 years though it gets added back in to your estate and taxed anyway.

What sort of a person is he ? Is he selfish or caring ? Does he acknowledge that you are subsidising his keep and that you do lots for him ? Does he help you ? Does he waste money or is he a saver ? It’s hard to advise without all the facts, but the answer to these questions would definitely sway me one way or the other if I was in your position. With you having a disabled son, you so have to protect yourself for the future, so please think long and hard before you decide. Then have a long and honest chat to him ... good luck

Well, he'll get what's left when you die. That's how it's normally done, isn't it?

It might be worth considering making a loan to him for his deposit (so he can get his house sooner - that's his benefit) on the understanding it will be paid back by standing order. Actually you're subsidising him already with his rent, and once he moves out, you ought to better off financially.
Does he feel slightly resentful regarding the extra 'attention his brother gets/has always got?

No, this is your money. Money for your future so that you feel a bit more secure as you get "older".

Your son is paying you a pittance for his rent at the moment so I hope he really is going to move out soon. Maybe when he does you could give him a little to help him set up home. As luluaugust says - his £100 a month means you are already gifting him about at least £300 a month which is what he would have to pay anywhere else.

Agreed - if your dad had wanted it go to his GC he would have made provisions. My parents left some to both my sons and we gave them some of the money left by my in-laws but the rest has to see us through our retirement. We've helped them financially over the years and they will get it when we're gone. Your son is out of order I'm afraid.

In your situation I wouldn't give anything at present, is he making a big effort with the saving for his own place? You could tell him the £25 rent is your gift to him! don't let him pressurise you he could always go out into the real world.

When my DM died a few years ago we were left a sum between us & I happily shared mine with ny DS? He bought a car that would be a family car, paid off several things & saved the rest for 'baby bits'.
They could not have afforded a baby at the time if I had not shared so it was worth it to have my wonderful GS & later my equally wonderful GD.
My DS &DiL did not expect a share!

How sad/awful and the rest that your son would ask for a share. A resounding "no" from me. Your late father left it to you and had he wanted your children specifically included in his will, he would have ensured that they were included. But I'm guessing you now feel awkward. Don't!!! Money is definitely the root of all evil.

This money was left to you. If your father had wanted the grandchildren to have some at this point he would have presumably either arranged this in his will or at least told you.
If you feel there’s enough, you could assuage your (unwarranted) guilt by giving a gift on your father’s behalf, say at a birthday or Christmas. I know one member of our family gave all the children a choice of something from the house and £500 to buy something they loved as a keepsake.
I know you love him but personally I feel it’s rather selfish of your son. I know it will be tough on you but if he asks again, I suggest you just say “everything will be yours (and your brother’s) when I’m gone”
Good luck.

Good grief, it’s time your son started living in the real world.
I don’t think you’re actually doing him any favours there. Paying £25 a week rent is ridiculously cheap so trying to guilt you into handing over some of your inheritance too? He should be thoroughly ashamed of himself and made to move out.
Does he have a significant other?
I suspect not if he’s so obviously self centred.

Don’t. IME children turn on you no matter how generous you have been to them.

If your father had wanted your children to have the money he would have left it to them. I think it more likely that he felt the money would be more beneficial to you as not only do you have a disabled son to take care of but also your older son is living with you practically rent free. Don't give in to him.

No. It is your money and it is not his to think anything about.

I agree that you should not be pressurised into giving him anything unless you choose to.
So much depends on the amount involved, but assuming it is substantial, if you were to give each son the same amount, your disabled son could then have too much capital for any means-tested benefits. He would then be obliged to spend the money in legitimate ways, I.e living expenses, until it reduced to below the threshold.
If he has to start paying his way, then so should the older one. Gets complicated.

I agree with oopsadaisy you are already subsidising your son so why should he expect more.
It's your inheritance, it will give you peace of mind for the future. Enjoy some treats for yourself with it.

Although I don't have lots of money I 've told my 3 that, if I possibly can, I'll leave them my flat.
The savings I have are quite modest but enough that I can help them out if necessary or give gifts if I choose to. However they have all urged me to spend my savings on myself.
I (and they) would be horrified at the thought of being emotionally blackmailed into handing over my cash.

When my mother died I viewed the inheritance as mine after all my children will inherit from me in their turn! I have helped with things for DGC and a couple big purchases, but in my opinion that is entirely your decision

I agree, it is your money, you need it to live on and you can do what you like with it. Your son needs to enter the real world- if he is only paying £25 rent, will he ever leave?
Do not feel guilt tripped to give away a penny.

If he hadn't told you what he thinks I would of said yes give him something as your gift, but as he has told you what you should do with your money - no!

Well - to be very blunt indeed, your son needs to take a hike! It is YOUR money to do as you will with - your money, your choice. When we had a small legacy we did share it with our DDs for house deposits, but in no way did they expect this, nor would they have ever dreamed of asking/demanding that we should.

Cheeky fellow!

Sorry, money is yours

The money was yours, you were left it. Your son has no legal or moral right to demand that he receive any of it.

You need the money more. End of.