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(85 Posts)
therese Tue 20-Mar-18 22:15:34

I would be interested in your opinion. My father left me some money when he died. I am a single parent with a disabled son. My 27 year old also lives with us. He pays a nominal rent of £25 a week all in, partly so he can save to have his own place.
He thinks I should give some of my inheritance to him & my other son, even though it's all I have to live on for the future.
What are your thoughts please.

Granny23 Tue 20-Mar-18 22:33:21

Hi, Therese. I am afraid you would have to give more details of the sums involved (perhaps more info. than you would want to reveal?) before we could advise.

All I can say is that we have an agreement in our family that any inheritance , or lottery wins, etc. is split 4 ways between us = 1 share for each of the 2 DDs 1 for DH and 1 for me. None of us is 'well off' but neither are we on our uppers.

I remember that when I was still living and home but saving up to get married, I paid my mother 50% of my salary for bed and board - which would be far more than £25 at today's prices.

silverlining48 Tue 20-Mar-18 22:46:11

Hmm....don’t be pressured, i dont know how much it is, but it’s your money for you, from your dad. If he didn’t leave anything to your sons and if it is reasonable amount you might consider giving something to them, but do not leave yourself short.
Your son already benefits from paying minimal keep, only do this if you really want to.

Cherrytree59 Tue 20-Mar-18 22:58:43

Your father left the money to you.

When my father died I gave a small sum from my share to each of my two children.

The rest is to see me through the next 9 years until I receive my state pension.
The money I passed on to them is long gone.
However I am able because of my fathers gift to help my children out financially,
for example
Car repair bills. Unforeseen household expenditure.

This way they are still receiving the benefit of the inheritance.

Only you can judge what would be beneficial to you and your sons.
You have to consider your future as ultimately it will have an affect on both your sons, probably more so your disabled son.

Good luck

MissAdventure Tue 20-Mar-18 23:04:18

I would keep it all for myself, if that's what I thought would be best.
It was left to you, to do what you see fit. If you decided to treat your sons, that would be your decision, not theirs to make for you.

Bluegal Tue 20-Mar-18 23:14:42

Therese, why should your son expect you to give him any of the money? Tell him you will leave (whatever is left) to him in YOUR Will! I think for a 27 year old, living at home virtually rent free, you are doing plenty. Time for him to find his own feet perhaps? Its really cheeky of him to make such demands on you. Please don't be blackmailed in any way. If you CHOOSE to help them out, then that is different.

mumofmadboys Wed 21-Mar-18 06:51:55

I gave my children a small amount when both my parents died. They didn't know how much I had inherited though.

Oopsadaisy12 Wed 21-Mar-18 06:54:28

if It’s all you have to live on in the future, then no.

Tell your son that If you gave him any money he would have to start paying you full rent, so that you can survive.

If there is any left, leave it to them in your will.

OldMeg Wed 21-Mar-18 06:58:22

How dare he? You are virtually supporting him now.

Madgran77 Wed 21-Mar-18 07:41:15

Not sure why he should think there is entitlement to anything really - its your money! He is perhaps rather less aware of the "real world" and cost of living given his comfortable circumstances. Might be worth pointing out Te reality of what hi £25 pays for against the reality of what he costs you, living at home!

M0nica Wed 21-Mar-18 07:55:05

The money was yours, you were left it. Your son has no legal or moral right to demand that he receive any of it.

You need the money more. End of.

M0nica Wed 21-Mar-18 07:55:41

Sorry, money is yours

Luckygirl Wed 21-Mar-18 08:13:01

Well - to be very blunt indeed, your son needs to take a hike! It is YOUR money to do as you will with - your money, your choice. When we had a small legacy we did share it with our DDs for house deposits, but in no way did they expect this, nor would they have ever dreamed of asking/demanding that we should.

Cheeky fellow!

jusnoneed Wed 21-Mar-18 08:21:44

If he hadn't told you what he thinks I would of said yes give him something as your gift, but as he has told you what you should do with your money - no!

Charleygirl Wed 21-Mar-18 08:22:00

I agree, it is your money, you need it to live on and you can do what you like with it. Your son needs to enter the real world- if he is only paying £25 rent, will he ever leave?
Do not feel guilt tripped to give away a penny.

jenpax Wed 21-Mar-18 08:57:55

When my mother died I viewed the inheritance as mine after all my children will inherit from me in their turn! I have helped with things for DGC and a couple big purchases, but in my opinion that is entirely your decision

mcem Wed 21-Mar-18 09:04:29

Although I don't have lots of money I 've told my 3 that, if I possibly can, I'll leave them my flat.
The savings I have are quite modest but enough that I can help them out if necessary or give gifts if I choose to. However they have all urged me to spend my savings on myself.
I (and they) would be horrified at the thought of being emotionally blackmailed into handing over my cash.

sodapop Wed 21-Mar-18 09:07:40

I agree with oopsadaisy you are already subsidising your son so why should he expect more.
It's your inheritance, it will give you peace of mind for the future. Enjoy some treats for yourself with it.

Cabbie21 Wed 21-Mar-18 09:16:24

I agree that you should not be pressurised into giving him anything unless you choose to.
So much depends on the amount involved, but assuming it is substantial, if you were to give each son the same amount, your disabled son could then have too much capital for any means-tested benefits. He would then be obliged to spend the money in legitimate ways, I.e living expenses, until it reduced to below the threshold.
If he has to start paying his way, then so should the older one. Gets complicated.

radicalnan Wed 21-Mar-18 09:33:30

No. It is your money and it is not his to think anything about.

Oldwoman70 Wed 21-Mar-18 09:39:44

If your father had wanted your children to have the money he would have left it to them. I think it more likely that he felt the money would be more beneficial to you as not only do you have a disabled son to take care of but also your older son is living with you practically rent free. Don't give in to him.

Coco51 Wed 21-Mar-18 09:42:05

Don’t. IME children turn on you no matter how generous you have been to them.

Craicon Wed 21-Mar-18 09:45:10

Good grief, it’s time your son started living in the real world.
I don’t think you’re actually doing him any favours there. Paying £25 a week rent is ridiculously cheap so trying to guilt you into handing over some of your inheritance too? He should be thoroughly ashamed of himself and made to move out.
Does he have a significant other?
I suspect not if he’s so obviously self centred.

NotSpaghetti Wed 21-Mar-18 09:47:35

This money was left to you. If your father had wanted the grandchildren to have some at this point he would have presumably either arranged this in his will or at least told you.
If you feel there’s enough, you could assuage your (unwarranted) guilt by giving a gift on your father’s behalf, say at a birthday or Christmas. I know one member of our family gave all the children a choice of something from the house and £500 to buy something they loved as a keepsake.
I know you love him but personally I feel it’s rather selfish of your son. I know it will be tough on you but if he asks again, I suggest you just say “everything will be yours (and your brother’s) when I’m gone”
Good luck.

Teddy123 Wed 21-Mar-18 09:53:03

How sad/awful and the rest that your son would ask for a share. A resounding "no" from me. Your late father left it to you and had he wanted your children specifically included in his will, he would have ensured that they were included. But I'm guessing you now feel awkward. Don't!!! Money is definitely the root of all evil.