Inheritance

The thing about the future is you don't know how long it will be and the fact you have little money you should keep all the money which your father left you.
Finding employment when you are older can be difficult and then there's the heath issue, you never know what is round the corner even if you are well now.
I think your son as a cheek asking for money from you and the fact he only pays you £25 all in is a disgrace.
If he is saving to buy a property and doesn't have enough income coming in tell him to work two jobs and cut down on expenses. We've all had to do it.

I think it's more of an emotional issue for him. Often it is the gesture that is important and not so much about the money. Did he demand this right away in an arrogant way, or did he at first express some pain about it? Was he close to his grandparents? Oftentimes grandparents don't put their grandchildren in their will but expect that the parent will give a nominal or sentimental gift to the grandchild. Is he a particularly perceptive or sensitive child? Sometimes a disability can make you more aware about matters of the heart. I may be the odd one out here, but I would not judge your son as spoiled, demanding or cheeky. Sometimes children can teach a parent to grow in ways that the parent might not see and in the end that child will be a blessing to you for having the courage to tell you. Look at him as a blessing if you know his overall character has been decent. He's not just wanting this for himself but for his brother as well. Maybe give them a gift and say, "Here. I know your grandfather loved you guys and would've wanted you to have this". It's not about whether he pays a certain amount for rent. I think he wants to feel that the family is cohesive. If they won the lottery, I'm sure they would at least want to give you something right. When there is generosity and cohesive in the family, it's amazing how healing that can be for everyone. Maybe give them an amount that would make you feel blessed in their situation but not more than you could afford . They will always remember it.

No you are not being awkward. It is frustrating when someone asks for our opinion/advice and then doesn't keep us up to date.

It is over a week since this post appeared and the OP has somewhat disappointingly not come back - perhaps she does not want to give any more information, which is her right, but there are some thoughtful answers, as well as some very forthright comments. It would be nice to know that she appreciates the time taken to answer her - or am I being awkward?

Sounds to me like he's a scrounging little git who should be kicked out of his cosy nest, and learn that in the real world you have to work to get what you want. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but too many youngsters of today expect to be given everything on a plate - no one said life was easy, and it certainly sounds like you haven't had an easy life, so why should he? He'll appreciate what he has far more if he has to earn it than if it's given to him on demand. Save it for your own needs and if necessary those of your disabled son.

I feel you are doing enough and its your money to do as you see fit. My son was paying that when he stayed here with us many moons ago.xx

Your sons will inherit what YOU leave, they have no automatic right to what has been left to you. Will your sons expect to share their inheritance with anyone else?

Put some aside to help them in the future if that's what you want to do, don't let your son pressurise you into sharing it just because he wants a handout. £25 a week is a pitiful contribution - I say that even though it's all my youngest DD can afford to pay me for her rent - I would have been upset if she had expected some of the small inheritance I got from my mother's estate.

You are at the stage in life where you have to think of our future and how you will manage to fund any care needs you may have in 20 years time.

If your son did actually save up and find himself a house, you might give something towards the down payment but nothing at present.

You are supporting 2 people you need your capital to ensure that when you need support you can purchase it or add to anything the state offers. If you are given free care that does not include cleaning the house. You always need some extra to make up for what the state provides.

There is more to this than meets the eye. I wish the OP would come back and give us some more information.

How old is the disabled son? What are his future prospects? Will he ever be able to live independently? If not, then mum may need the extra money for the right sort of property, or to help out if she cannot work in order to care for him.
If he gets means-tested benefits, a big chunk of capital for him could affect his benefits, so it is best in mum’s hands.

Presumably the grandfather felt his daughter would be the best person to manage the money for the good of the family. It sounds as if it is a significant amount.

If it is just a smallish amount, not really life-changing, then it is lovely if it can be shared around. My dad inherited a sum from his sister. I have no idea how much, but he gave me and my sister £500 each. We were young parents at the time so it was a treat. We did not ask or expect anything, but were very pleased at the time.

I have left a small sum in my will to each of my grandchildren, but the bulk will go to my children to do as they think best.
OP I hope you can sort this out.

Not saying that’s what the OP should do . Just what I would do .

No one in my family has ever inherited any money from anyone ever and I can’t see that changing over the next generation either. If, ( and it’s a giant if) I was ever fortunate enough to get something from anyone or anywhere I would be very happy to share with my children, grandchildren and my sister too. They would certainly not need to ask or hint . I would enjoy sharing my good fortune much more than keeping it for myself .

Whats the saying....if you ask you dont get. No way! The mony was left to you....for you to enjoy/make life easier. If there's any left Im sure you will leave some to your sons. At his age he would probably go out and 'enjoy' the money....you do the same....

It's your money. It's for you to spend on yourself or how you wish. Your son is already living on the cheap. He is lucky to have this. He is not entitled to your inheritance. His time will come. Stick to your guns. He is not owed anything.

No. Just no. In fact, I'm wondering if your current subsidising of his lifestyle ( it's only partly so he can save ) has made him feel so entitled to the shirt off your back.

I'd be revisiting how much he pays you in dig money. And putting it up to a more reasonable sum.

Read ‘King Lear’ and never give, money, power or influence away. Your son is being presumptious and will cut up even rougher if you give in to him. You can tell him nicely that anything you have left over after you die will be left to him and his siblings. After all, you are subsidising his living costs now. Hint that if he pushes it you will have to ask him to leave.

If you give the money to your son towards a house you will not only not have the money to live on, your son will move out and then not be paying £25 towards his keep. You will be doubly worse off. Give both sons a small amount as a gift and save the rest for your future.

My Mum left me and four siblings about £27 each after funeral cost. Me and three sisters chose to pass on £1k to each of our children. My other sibling chose to keep their share to themself. So 14 dgc got £1k each and 4 got nothing. It is your money and your choice. I have 2 adult sons living at home in loft extension and eldest (who earns more) pays £90 and younger one £75. This covers everything and they have Sky TV in rooms and superfast broadband but they do own laundry and youngest cooks for family once each week. My eldest saving for deposit but he has to learn value of money. £25 can barely cover his food let alone laundry, electricity etc. I would increase his contribution as he is an adult not a child.

They'll get what is left of that inheritance on your death (I presume). They have to wait their turn - you did!

You received your share after your father died, they will receive their share after you die. It was left to you.

Presumably therese, if your father had wanted your son to benefit from his estate he'd have left him something. I'd say 'no', you'll inherit from me one day; if there's anything left of course.

I would tell him he will get his inheritance when you die and not before, unless you come into a lot of money!

As others have said you are already subsidising him every week. For a start I think you should consider making him contribute more rather than living off you as a grown man. No, this is not his money but yours to live on for the rest of your life. He will have to wait his turn and see if there's anything left. After all you don't know what you may need. Firstly I hope you arrange a great holiday or treat yourself in some other way. Secondly put it well out of his reach. The fact he has asked you shows a terrible disregard for your feelings and a great sense of entitlement. You must keep control and manage your finances as you see fit.

You are already giving your son, by providing a home at such a small rent. He has no right to ask you.

Great post, Feelingmyage55.

Why isn’t there a “like” button on gransnet?

Your father left the money to you.

Perhaps you should sit down with your adult son and list all the household outgoings, rent/mortgage, council tax, repairs, tv licence, WiFi, electricity, gas, oil and the FOOD - his £25 probably barely covers his share of food so to me he living entirely rent free and you are heavily subsidising him. Does he have a job? Depending on the value of the inheritance I would be thinking along the lines of offering him - at a later date, not right away - an amount that would help with the deposit on a flat perhap a proportion of the deposit. May I ask how helpful he is with his brother. If he is very kind and helpful I would see him differently to the person asking for money. And of course only you know how nicely, or not, he asked and how sensibly he would use it. A gift is a gift but he has not waited, he has asked. Do not rush into a decision. And think of yourself. Perhaps you need some respite and a holiday to invest in your health and strength in caring for your other son. Lots to think about.