I have never thought of this...

It bothers me that people expect everybody to live to their standards. How anybody lives in their home is THEIR business.

I have had to clear 3 houses (my mother's, father-in-law's, and sister's). It's not a very nice job, but you have to try to detach yourself emotionally from it. I had a good friend who helped me with my sister's and her advice was to keep just a few things that were special to her.

I too have told my daughter to take what she wants and dispose of the rest (when the time comes!) as simply as she can.

What I find quite sad is that people hold onto things because they will be worth ' something ' because they were expensive. Collectors plates, commemorative items, or even hobby items that at the time were the newest, most up to date available. Most of these go down in value over the years and whilst valuable to the owner - is just clutter to others.

The pressure to clear my dads house was immense. I chose a weekend when my son's could come and help, it was torrential rain like a horror film. The charity shops refused to take more than 3 bags and they were 8 miles along country lanes, the tip was just as picky.

I am surprised no one broke a leg on the slippery mud everywhere.

The boys live miles away, so the following week I was back there again with a friend, word to the wise, take a gorgeous friend to help, I was amazed what the tip was prepared to accept from Alice, previously declined when the boys took it along.

I could not just get a house clearance firm in, as dad had told me that he had hidden money in various places, which were all empty. The carpets had to be cleaned and the house blitzed before the sale went through.

There is more to it all than just putting stuff in the skip.

Situpstraight, let them have their things all around them, if they give them pleasure, to argue with a parent about it is a pretty awful thing to do and they should be ashamed of themselves.
It's easy to be judgemental, when you haven't been in that situation. I'm certainly not ashamed to have argued with my mother, in order to try keep her safe.
In fact my mother broke her hip, after tripping over junk and she lay behind her front door all day, as I was at work. I found her lying behind the door when I went in to check on her.
She died a few months later from complications. I regret not being more firm with her, but she was not an easy woman to have a relationship with.
There is a difference between having your things around you to give you pleasure and serial hoarding , where there are piles and piles of clothes, newspapers and junk filling every room in the house, making it a health and safety hazard for the person who lives there.

I think that as long as the relative can be persuaded to leave the important documents where they can be found, then let them have their things all around them, if they give them pleasure, to argue with a parent about it is a pretty awful thing to do and they should be ashamed of themselves.
If the relative is a hoarder,there really is nothing that anyone can do, although my heart sinks when I hear that people throw away magazines from the 1970s,there are people who will buy them!
If you can’t cope with clearing a house, then get a house clearance company in, at least they know what to keep and what to throw away,
it might be upsetting but it’s just one more thing that we have to do when a loved one dies.

To put it mildly I'm a bit of a hoarder and when I was going on about how hard DH and I found it to clear stuff out, my minimalist DD told me not to worry, when the dread day arrived she'd just be hiring a massive skip, or probably two. My other DD is sentimental and will want to keep loads of things, DS will keep out of it, but certainly won't want to clutter his own home. I will try to clear the decks to some extent to make it easier for them, but it'll be a challenge, and which of us knows when our time will be up? My DP had no warning that they would both die in their early seventies, yet they'd put their affairs in order and got rid of so much, including things that held memories for me. My DMIL, in her nineties, left a house crammed with both treasures and junk, and it took weeks to sort through it all. Somewhere in the middle would have been nice.

One of my aunts went into a home and when she died I asked my cousin if she could find one of my aunts books for me (it was a private joke between us) She rang to say she had found it for me and said "Why didn't you just ask her for it when you saw her?" Did she really think I would have said "By the way Auntie, as you're going to die can I take that book of yours now?"

There was a thread on this very subject a few months ago, called, if I recall rightly ‘A Swedish Death Clean’ ( shudder.)
Cleaning out one’s home so that the AC won’t have much to do!
Considering I am leaving the house and whatever savings I have to them, they can hire a skip for whatever they don’t want to keep themselves, or have a house clearance done.
Am not a hoarder ( nothing like it) but have accumulated a lot of things that I enjoy having and much of it is used, admittedly some of it not all that often.

DH's uncle was a terrible hoarder. The cellar of his house was packed with floor to ceiling piles of newspaper, magazines and clothing. After a minor fire in the kitchen the fire service demanded that all the clutter was cleared as the cellar was a fire risk to the whole row of houses.

My late Husband was a terrible hoarder , after he died it took me three and a half years , working every day, to clear his stuff , some I was able to sell other items were given away or went to the tip , but , I felt very guilty at getting rid of stuff.
I have written a statement that , when I go , just three items go to a relative and all the rest to a named charity shop

Thank you ladies, I have read all of your comments. Some great advice and some thought provoking stories you shared!

I'll make sure there is enough left in the will for a few skips!

I had to clear my parents' house whilst they were still alive, which was awful, as it had to be sold to pay nursing home fees. They were the generation who couldn't spend, due to two world wars, were very thrifty and kept things because they would come in useful. The house was full of possessions from grandparents and uncle and aunt, as well as their own things, and things I had given to my mother for jumble sales over twenty years ago, but were ' too good for someone to buy for sixpence.' It took months and months of weekends to clear, as I am an only child, and lived three hours drive away.
As a result I am not much of a hoarder and my house, garage and shed are fairly clear, but admit to piles of old paperwork and books stashed away in the loft, plus a great many old toys and much hobby equipment belonging to my adult children, who are always going to sort it.
Clear the loft is this summer's project.

My parents-in-law recently downsized and moved to live nearby. They have purposely de-cluttered and have ensured that their wills and finances are sorted. The only outstanding thing to do is a POA for health, they have one for finances.
I am immensely grateful for their thoughtfulness, but as both are still working there will be a lot of work-related stuff, much of it highly confidential, that will need to be either shredded or forwarded to the appropriate bodies. I am hoping my father-in-law retires soon so that he deals with this paperwork himself.
The problem my children will have is not so much clutter, but the fact that this is a big house with plenty of storage that caters for lots of people. I have crockery and glassware to host huge numbers, similarly I have huge amounts of bedding and towels - not to mention the furniture.

My Mum lived with us for 4 years before she died so we gradually cleared her house while she was still alive which made it less traumatic I think. I still have a box labelled "Mum's Stuff" which I can't bear to get rid of and a box of her old family photos

We are quite a minimalist couple so hardly any ornaments etc. We cleared the loft a few years ago and it is now empty!

My Dad has gradually decluttered his house since my Mum died ten years ago. That said there is still a fair bit of stuff that no one will want, ornaments etc. But he has got rid of bigger items, sold all but one of his motorcycles (one is in a museum) and woodworking machines.
He has put all his paperwork/shares/bank details together in one place with written info of what's what. As various Bonds and savings have matured over the years he has mainly given them to myself and my brother or smaller amounts simply added to his bank account, bought a newer car etc - as he said the interest rates don't make it worth saving at his age.

My OH is a hoarder, the amount of stuff that will have to be cleared when he goes I dread to think about. Even now in his 70's he still starts collecting things .. arrgh.
I have craft stuff but try to clear some of it every once in a while - still too much really lol. But I no longer keep books like I used to, read them and off they go. One advantage of the Kindle. I don't have many ornaments and suchlike, don't like clutter around the house. Photo's I have made Scrapbooks for my lads, but still OH has boxes of old pics.

DS1 did some de-cluttering for me six months ago and yet I look around me and my heart sinks. He managed to dispose of a lot of books, reminding me that I could get many of them free on my Kindle if I really wanted to re-read them. Which is true, but I don't like the look of those empty shelves. There's unfinished knitting that I will 'get around to' some day and loads of half-used cosmetics and toiletries which I hesitate to dispose of, but have no intention of using. Old bank statements fill drawers yet I know I can access them on line and my shredder is ready and waiting. That's my confession for the day. Am I unique?

Following the death of three elderly relatives in the last 2 years, we have started to declutter. More importantly we have put our financial records all in one place. We have details of savings and bank accounts, Shares, utility bills, Will and Insurances.

Although clearing the houses was a difficult task, sorting the financial aspect was much harder. It is not just about making life easier for the children, but for each other too. We have several single savings accounts in various Building Societies and did not take much notice of where each other had savings. Our ISAs have to stay in single names but, as our variou Bonds mature, we are making them into joint acccounts.

In addition, my husband has some very valuable camera equipment, so the Insurance and purchase details are in the box too. This will make it easier if they have to be sold.

My parents died within days of each other- I was an only "child" so it was all left to me. My mother was never a hoarder so it was a very easy process. All paperwork was in one drawer and a couple of trips to the charity shop with their clothes. I was taking all of the furniture from Scotland to London, sell the house, sorted.

I am the opposite, hoarder supreme. I do not keep papers and cards going back years- it is clothes and "useful items". I am trying to sort stuff out now but it will be a long process for me.

I had to do this twice and its a very sad process. Our precious things are not always important to others, I agree about the social history aspect though, documents and letters are very interesting.
I don't keep clutter and I've told my children to hire a skip ( not available here in France) or similar and get rid of what they don't want.
My husband is not of the same mind and would keep everything if I did not put my foot down.

This is a topical subject for me because I've just finished a huge decluttering in my home. Like others, I had a huge amount of hobby materials stashed around the house; inherited ornaments, glassware and china etc. Before getting rid of anything I no longer wanted to keep, I asked DC to come and take anything they wanted (which was virtually nothing!). Everything left over went to the charity shop last week. I was shocked at how much stuff I'd amassed, some of it rarely, if ever used and I'm really pleased it's gone.

My parents both went to live in a nursing home before Christmas. We knew they would have to stay there due to their health but my Father would not allow anyone to start clearing the house. He died 2 weeks ago and now the house needs to be cleared and sold. Unfortunately he made my brother promise he would do it alone and my poor brother feels he has to honour this. My Mother is not happy all her stuff is being gone through but has had to accept it. It feels so wrong that I cant help but my Brother is insisting he follows our Fathers wishes and as I was semi estranged from the family for the last few years I have to let him bear this himself.

I too have a lot of hobby stuff, fabric, wool, craft materials, and tools and books for various hobbies. If we get rid of all the hobby stuff, how will we spend all the leisure time we will have in those next decades? Watching daytime TV from our rocking chairs while we wait for the grim reaper to call?

Will the children who want us to clear our houses long before we die be willing to keep us entertained and happy 24 hours a day for twenty years once we no longer have all the things that link us to our past and fill our present with activity?

Who knows how long they will live. Why should we crib and cramp our lives getting rid of things we get pleasure from when we could get pleasure from using them for decades. rememeber longevity is increasing by the year.

When I was a home visitor, I saw a number of elderly people regretting decisions to divest themselves of belongings, even their houses, on the basis they wouldn't live much past 80 to find themselves sailing hale and hearty into their 90s.

Our house is pretty full of stuff - I am a serial hobbyist and have collected masses of materials for all my hobbies over the years. I do worry about the amount of clearing our DC will have to do, but on the other hand, there should be no particular hurry for them. The house is all paid up, there is money in the bank for funeral expenses etc. So they should be able to do it at their leisure.
I do still worry about it though, but I really don't want to part with all my things yet! We're only in our late 60's and feeling really rather fit and well, with no plans to pop our clogs for another couple of decades at least!