Yes, you abu. Your mum certainly should give her funds out where she wishes. You are quite lucky to receive inheritance.
Angela Rayner lashes out and calls Sunak “pint sized loser”.
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Mother's Will/am I wrong?
(206 Posts)Hi. I'm new to this forum and not a grandparent, but would like a grandparent's perspective. I'm in my 50's, have never been married, and don't have children. I recently became disabled not too long ago and talked to my mother about the possibility of setting up a special needs trust fund through her will. During the conversation she told me that my brother and I will be receiving 40% each, and that my nephew (my brother's son) will be receiving 20% of the total inheritance, (not 20% from my brother's share). I was honest about how this made me feel (in a respectful way) and told her that seemed an excessive amount for my nephew to be getting and that his share would take a substantial amount from my share. She got angry and told me that she had promised my dad before he died that she would create the will this way. It's been 10 years since his death and I explained that since I still wasn't married, didn't have children and now disabled that my dad if were still alive, would want to make sure I was taken care of and that he would've probably wanted my nephew to get less of a percentage. She said it didn't matter if this was right or fair, but that her keeping her promise to my dad was the priority. This hurt me very much since my mom knows I have been suffering alot because of my disability and I may never get married and have anyone to help me. She told me i was insulting her by saying this (which its always about the pain I cause her when I tell her about the pain she causes me). She hung up on me. I explained in an email afterwards more in depth but she won't respond.
My brother and his wife both make very good money and live in a very expensive home. My nephew and his wife both work and bought a home. I've been living very modestly renting studios/one bedroom apartments and usually can only afford the basic necessities. I've had to borrow money from my parents in the past, but it hasn't been on a regular basis, and I've only asked when I couldn't afford a car repair etc, not for any luxury items, clothes etc, but over the years it has added up. My mom also told me that what I owe her will be taken from my inheritance. Although I think this is somewhat fair, It seems somewhat harsh to me since they never paid for a wedding, gifts to a child from my end, or an education when they could've saved up for one, but didn't. They weren't rich, but maybe upper middle class, and they spent a lot of money on expensive cars, trips, furniture, swimming pool etc. Although they did give good gifts to us at Christmas /birthdays (nothing lavish) alot of money was spent on impressing their friends. They also told me that they didnt think a college education was necessary (yet my dad later told me that altgough i wasn't a doctor or lawyer, at least I wasnt on drugs or in prison....ha).
I am paying my mom back for her loaning to me because of my disabilty.
My nephew could end up receiving an inheritance in his lifetime from my brother and his wife (not his biological mom), his grandparents, his wife's grandparents, my mom, and then also his mom and stepfather, his wife's parents too. Its not my business, but I will only be possibly recieving an inheritance from my mom. His 20% will take a substantial amount from my share that I will desparately need in my life. It will also take from my brothers share, but my brother will benefit because it's his son.
Also, this has really added salt to my wounds because years ago, my parents received an inheritance from my grandfather through probate (he was bitter at his children and didn't leave a will). My parents were trying to hide from me that they received an inheritance but I found out in a serendipity sort of way from a friend of theirs, who thought I knew. I also found out that they were giving some of the inheritance to my brother and his wife, some to my mom's best friend's daughter, to my mom's house cleaner and a few thousand to their church (which I'm glad about that). But they didn't give any to me. My grandfather and I loved eachother and we were close growing up).
When I told my mother how this hurt me, she said she could do whatever she wanted since it was her money (which was true, I never wanted more than a nominal amount and to only be included). I then got a letter that week saying that they didn't want me in their lives.
2 years later I called them to reconcile and we haven't been estranged since then, but my wounds have now been reopened and it hurts. We might be facing estrangement again and her puting me out of the will altogether, which although may hurt me financially, would be very hard emotionally. For the record, I don't do drugs, get into trouble, sleep around or cause problems. I live a peaceful life as a Christian and, although not perfect by any means, feel that to most parents I would be a blessing. I call her regularly, give thoughtful gifts. Ironically, although I'm sure my brother loves her in his own way, he rarely calls her. She and my nephew aren't super super close, and although he's nice to her, he's never given her a gift and rarely thanks her when she gives him a gift. I think she resents me because I'm not married and haven't given her a grandchild, but these are things that have caused me pain ad well, especially as I get older. Ive often felt unloved by her growing up and my talents were not nurtured, (even sabotaged) and she was competitive with me.
My mom has a good side to her too. She gives generous gifts to everyone at Christmas, we've had many beautiful conversations where we talk about our faith alot, laugh, and have been a blessing to eachother. But she has an extremely stubborn side, can be hurtfu, has broken promises that were very important to me without admitting she's wrong and even told me after my disability began she wouldn't be loaning me money and told me that life was hard and that I would need to live in a shelter if I had to and give up my precious pet that is everything to me. Fortunately over time, she loaned me money and that didn't happen, and she's been a blessing in that way now. But now I'm struggling emotionally because of the Will issue. I would much rather have a family and a good close relationship with my mother, than alot of money.
Do you think I am being unreasonable about this?(Sorry about writing a book)
Any advice on how to handle this?
All I can add is, thank goodness the OP is not a mother herself. Yes, Grannyparkrun I too think we should all move away and stop flogging this dead horse.
This thread is leaving a nasty taste in my mouth now, and everyone else's I expect. Let's leave it.
New post - 'Feeling like we need a Laugh', is much more fun!
Irishjig's personal attack on MawBroon has been deleted.
Thank you GN HQ
SO your mother subsidises your living in some way?
Does she give an equal share to your brother?
Don't be ridiculous your mother probably said no because you are disabled and won't be a help rather more work for her.
For what it's worth YABVU. It's her money and it sounds like you've already had a lot.
Your nephew is a much loved individual whom your mother wishes to gift on his own right.
Nothing to do with you at all.
Also you sound like you may have NPD. The permanent victim.
Irishjig i d quit this thread if I was you it’s not going the way you expected, very few of us agree with your thoughts and actions Most people on here are seeing through you and you are not coming across as a very nice person
You have no right to keep banging on about your mum being NpD when it’s simply your diagnosis and most of us aren’t buying that one maybe you have the disorder
Enjoy your life for what it is, be around people you like and stop wishing your mums life away so you can inherit her money that’s gross
Hung up on %s but “it’s not about the money” 
Irishjig Are you saying that if your nephew was only getting 10% you wouldn't mind?? I wouldn't have minded if my mum had left 20%% or 40% or whatever!! My point being that if that is what she wanted to do with her money for her grandchildren then that was entirely up to her. And no I didn't see my brother as benefiting "emotionally and financially" from his children being left money by their grandmother ..what exactly does that mean?
I wish that I could still focus on having a loving and fun relationship with my Mum (and no our relationship was NOT always easy) ..but I can't , its too late for us!! You have that chance, take it!!
If you're disabled, Irishjig, how could you possibly take care of your mother, whether or not she wants you to?
Also, if you wanted to move to the same state as your mother, you can do it anyway, you don't need her permission.
Oh and as for always putting you second best - only you know if that’s true, but tough, you’re hardly showing her the love are you? Maybe your brother treats her better but it’s not the point is it.
I hope that would include rejecting any inheritance, then?
Wow you call yourself a Christian! Your self obsessed and greedy. Now you say your mum has NPD why, because she only left you a mere 40% of her estate, the same as your brother and because she wanted to leave her only grandson something! And all this before she has even died! You say you have had problems with her but they clearly weren’t bad enough to stop you asking for money when you needed it and I wonder was your brother cross about your mum bailing you out? You are eaten up with reasentment and greed. Your lucky, your mum is still alive, what more could you possible want - I so envy you that. Your mum made a promise to your dad so why on earth should she break that so you can get your hands on an extra 5%- shame on you! You asked for opinions and I, in an earlier post tried to give mine in a gentle measured way but after reading your further postings I have realised you are just plain greedy and to even be this grasping while your mum is still with you is unbelievable. A Christian? I don’t think so. You asked for opinions and that is mine.
I agree with Monica's first message. It seems to me that your mother has always put you second best and that all your life you have suffered rejection from her. She has hurt you all your life and she will not change now. She has not acknowledged that your financial need is greater than theirs as you live alone and are now disabled and worry about your future care. Not a lot of empathy or sympathy there! I am surprised that not many readers have felt your sense of injustice.....Personally I would dissociate myself from her and not contact her.... let her make contact with you in the future. Quite frankly you do not need this unloving hurtful person in your life. You are her child and she was supposed to take care of you and to love you but the truth is she has not.....the truth hurts....she is nasty and does not deserve you. Good riddance!
FFS 
?
Enough Already
Irishjig - you misunderstood - MawBroon was not calling you a dragon! We have a programme in the UK called Dragons Den where people wanting to start a business and needing capital, pitch their idea to a group of successful business people - the dragons. When they are not interested the dragons say "I'm out"
Wow, I tried to apologize to you sincerely Mawbroom. I get told my statements are" laughable" have contradictions everywhere, am jealous, greedy and now "a dragon" and yet everyone thinks I have the problem . You poke a dog long enough with a stick and even a kind one bites back a little. Thank you to the compassionate posters, and yes please take this thread down.
As the Dragons say, “I’m out” as there is nothing further to be said.
Ps. Sorry for my harshness to Mawbroom..but was because I felt she was calling my statement "laughable".
I'm sorry mawbroom, I misunderstood you about what you considered "laughable", hence the reason for my harshness towards you in my last post. By me saying that an "inheritance will not be paid back", I was emphasizing the issue of favoritism. I realize that inheritances are not paid back, Lol. My mother will be deducting what
I owe her from the will for some money she loaned me before my surgery. My point was the unfairness of me having to pay what I owe from the will when my nephew gets money that he's never earned.
Since you asked, I live alone, in a different state from my mother. I've told her several times I would be happy to move there and take care of her, if she needed it in future. She does not like this idea, because she doesn't want to be dependent on me, NPD mothers can't relinquish control, especially to their daughters. She supplements a certain amount of money for my basic needs, (not the bulk of it.. I receive disability and work some myself . What ive recieved from my mom since my surgery, i will be paying back with disability back pay. . Did you not read my posts? My brother will not be taking care of her, he will sell her home to pay for care that she prefers to get in a independent living facility or maybe hire someone to take care of her in her home. I hope that clarified things. I'm NOT JEALOUS OF MY BROTHERR! Lol. Yes, it IS partly about the money...we NEED money to live on. It's also about the other things I mentioned. No contradictions!! Ok, I need to stop..I don't think I'll be sharing something this personal ever again with strangers who don't know me!
I completely agree as the OP seems to have no inclination to listen to opinions other than those that support her, and is now sinking to personal abuse.
GNHQ, can you not delete this post now?
Maw Broon abusive ? Well that is the first comment from OP that has made me give a wry chuckle (or should that be cackle?).
Do you have someone objective you can talk to in RL, counsellor, pastor, good friend because I don't think this thread is benefiting anyone (Least of all you).
As has been said time & time again an inheritance is a gift not a right & you are way off the mark if you think that all parents can help their children out at every juncture, many would love to help out but are struggling to make ends meet themselves.
No one is pretending favouritism dosen't exist (though to be honest I see little evidence of it here) but even if it does what good does brooding on it do?
I agree with others that perhaps this thread has run it's course.
Good idea Granny23!
I have reported Irishjig's 'abusive' post and asked for it, or the whole thread, to be removed.
"Yes sunseeker, it's partly about money because one needs it to live..sigh."
You will be receiving money on the death of your mother, just not as much as you think you should.
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