Horrid neighbour

This man is a nasty old bully. Remember that and treat him with contempt. You don’t have to say anything just ignore him he is beneath you.

I might be tempted to give him ‘the look’ - one I’ve perfected over the years but it’s just as effective if you totally blank him.

Thank you. It was really for a rant as all you said I do and to be honest I can honestly say I deserve a medal for it too. Fence isn’t an option as the drive gets thinner at our house corner two inch either side to play with when backing car out. Moving no I won’t be doing that. Coping is ok ignoring I’ve done all along, apart from feeling picked on, a fence would of sorted it all,sunglasses this weather have been great

I think that you have allowed this neighbour to dominate your life.

Either put up a fence, move house or Find a way of coping.

You are better than him just blank him, don’t even look in his direction, put headphones in and listen to music as you walkout of the house, anything to prevent you from looking in his direction.

Time to get on with your life.

Hi,

Just a rant above the revving motorbike next door, incidentally revving by an 81 year old. Feeling very bullied he was away a week a week ago and oh my it was bliss. Doing what I wanted down my drive. Tuesday backing the car out the garage he came out, stood and stared pretending to do his shoe laces. I didn’t react just went off about my business. The boundary posts we put in nine years ago were just at the corner of the house to the garage bolted to our concrete even though there is a six inch soakaway in between the drives both neighbours own. He has started backing on our drive totally all four wheels on ours at the front of the drive, life is too short I know but I have such integrity, morals and hate rudeness for some one to do this especially when I keep to my property. It’s bullying and sense of entitlement, some down here have put six foot fences in between for privacy and to stop this. My attititude is we never know what’s round the corner but also need to rant about it. If you have nice neighbours it’s ok but he is a narcissist and I know what he does it for. It’s akin to a brother going in your bedroom when Mum says not to. Sorry rant over. I just have good boundaries mentally and physically ?

Yes, minxie’s idea could be worth a try. It wouldn’t be what he would be expecting!

You could use reverse psychology and every time you see your neighbor. Give him a cheery smile and a wave. It will completey throw him and eventually seeing your not bothered. He may leave you alone

Vickya, thanks. I see my daughter for all bank holiday next week so I’m looking forward to that. She is in houseshare so we stay in a hotel so I couldn’t stay with her. He’s out so I polished my car on the drive and enjoyed every minute of it, no sick feeling. I wish I could act and feel like this when he is in but if I were to do this he keeps coming out, plays the trumpet with windows open or sticks loud music on with windows open so I clean my car usually at the car wash. Sad I know, it’s just my way of not having a confrontation. Th sick feeling is like a dentist appointment, it also causes indigestion.,

I think this man is best ignored. Do you and your husband each have a car? Could your husband park your car in the street when he leaves and you intend to go our so that you do not have to walk past your neighbour and back out with such care because of the boundary fence?

What is your back garden like? Have you managed to get privacy from your neighbour there?

I thin you are feeling very lonely and depressed. Hopefully you can get some effective counselling help and start going out more to things that you enjoy.

It may be helpful to look for a Human Givens Therapist as they work to help you look at what is missing in your life and how to get your needs met. They are a brief therapy method that works in the present and is solution focused..

Guineagirl you can do it!!! I'm rooting for you ?

? Purplepoppies yeah maybe that would work. when I came back from the break last week he asked sarcastically ‘did you have a nice time’, as a way of getting me to interact, he didn’t ask in the way nice people do. I ignored but maybe I should of said ‘yeah did some wonderful things, thanks’, because I did.

He sounds like a right charmer!! How awful living like this without support from your husband.
In your shoes I would kill the neighbour with kindness, really OTT smiling and waving etc. Maybe even bake him some cookies! Make HIM feel uncomfortable if you can. It might just work, if you can find the strength ?

This is to everyone, thank you for chatting, it really means a lot to me. Vickya, I stayed at my daughters two weeks ago for a long weekend and go again in a weeks time. I feel a different person there and full of self esteem probably because I’m near her and I guess I love being with her and vice versa.

I went out earlier got the car out, he came out strutting about like a silver back and the nausea in my stomach went when I got out the street. Quarter of a mile coming back the nausea comes back. I think the problem is me really at my age I shouldn’t be like this. I can do pretty much a lot of things, which I’ve now mastered the underground now and have no nausea but here I feel sick, it’s mad really. I’m so annoyed with myself.

Have you spoken to the previous owners to ask if they had issues with the neighbours ? Or any other neighbours in the vicinity ? I would get the camcorder and every time he stands there staring at you I would let him see you film him while you walk to your front door. It records date so you have a record of the frequency of incidents. They obviously lead very boring lives, to be so focussed on yours, and obviously are too illogical for an air clearing discussion. I would also notify the Police at how intimidated you are now feeling. There is always newspaper involvement to embarrass them, or the tv show with the nightmare neighbours !!

Nasty man. He can't have much of a life, boiling away in his own bile and being hateful. I do sympathise and you must feel awful right now with all the unhappiness that you have had. Can you get some help from talking to a therapist/counsellor - maybe your doctor can arrange some sessions that will get you over this is bad time. I do wish you well.

It was a lady from the LA Neighbour hood Anti social behavior team that got my parents out in the end Yellowmellow.

Yes Grampie you are right about declaring disputes when you sell. My parents sold at £20k less than the going price (ex LA house so I'm only talking in the £50k's ) with a declaration made about the drug addict next door. Full police reports and anti social reports etc. were all handed over to the solicitor . The lovely couple who bought the house have stayed in touch with my dad (sadly my mum passed away) and even invited him round to see what they had done to the place. Looking at the young lad I don't think he would take any messing.

Why live in a situation you have hated for more than 7 years, you should have moved ages ago if you can't cope with things as they are.

When they threatened me, I rang the police and they said that they would ask them if they were prepared to leave. When I said 'but they threatened me' they just shrugged their shoulders. A bit later I looked out and they were laughing and joking with them

This sounds so familiar Jaycee5 it was our experience too!

In our case it was as though the police were keeping on her good side.

Guineagirl, would it be possible to have a break away from the house to de=stress and give yourself a change of scene? Maybe your husband would go somewhere or could you stay with your daughter for a few weeks? Is there a grandchild and has she got room?

You don't have to tolerate these people. I work for an Anti-Social Behaviour team. Report this person. You will be visited by a member of the team. Usually a Community Safety Officer PCSO, who will discuss with you the best steps forward. There is also a mediation service (which I doubt your bullying neighbour will attend). Once you bring in the ASB team and make it official I'm sure he will sit up and take note! Please don't be afraid to go head on with this man. the team will take up the case. If he ups the anti....so will they xx

Bear in mind that if you do sell to move away that as vendor you’ll be obliged to declare disputes with your neighbours.

One advantage of renting I suppose.

Guineagirl. It was the same for me. The gang that were tormenting my neighbour broke into another neighbours van. He chased them off and found that one of them had dropped his driving licence in the van. Neither that nor the fact that he had seen them was enough evidence. When they threatened me, I rang the police and they said that they would ask them if they were prepared to leave. When I said 'but they threatened me' they just shrugged their shoulders. A bit later I looked out and they were laughing and joking with them. By that time there were about 10 of the men who were in the late 30s. The police actually made things worse. I made a complaint but it was put on the police computer and after that when I had to call the police (which happened frequently until the neighbour they were targeting was hospitalise), I could tell when they had pulled up my address on the computer and the complaint came up as they became passive aggressively unhelpful. I spent 12 minutes on the phone trying to persuade them to come out when I could hear someone in her flat smashing it up.

Luckily it has been quiet since she has been away but it is still her flat so we cannot totally relax.

People still have to try them though because they probably vary.

Awful gillybob, I think it was easier to befriend the bully in your Mums case than put in the work to help her. It must of been frightening and stressful for her and for you trying to help her.

The police don’t always help in bullying, in my case I had no proof that masturbation leaflets, wrinkle cream leaflets etc were sent from them. When the postman brought the post they tooted their car horn, mmm no proof though.

My parents lived a nightmare for years with a drug addict in the (LA) flat next door to them. The police were completely useless and I still believe that she was on either some kind of protection program or else she (or a member of her notorious family) was a police informant. I remember one Christmas day she decided to set her wheelie bin on fire (for something to do) right outside my mums window, the FB and the police were called as the fire had spread to an old sofa she sat on outside to entertain her "fellow drunks and addicts" and they actually laughed and joked with her . My ( very mild mannered) DH went out to the police and reminded them it was Christmas Day, my mum was seriously ill and could take no more, he was told by the police in that patronising manner only they use " just go inside sir" No sympathy, no apology, no arrest. This was just one example of a catalogue of cr*p my parents lived with for years.

I don't agree that police can not help. We had drug addicts living in rented property in our street, the police were able to go to the landlord and told him to evict the tenants because failure to do so would result in him being barred from renting out the property again. Turns out the landlord was a relative and was relieved to be able to rid himself of his asbo tenants. The police were in our street daily and called and gave us updates on progress.

Thank you, yes I agree I do get emotional and even after 2 years still grieving x