Is this acceptable in the 21st century

If your an elderly woman happily living on your own there are still some men out there who think you need controlling! They want to make your decisions, tell you how much to spend even make comments about your clothing. None of their business of course but it seems it will take a long time for men to accept that women are equal to them.

My OH has a habit of grabbing hold of the remote the minute I leave the room. Not proud of this, but I have started hiding it behind the cushions, I can see him looking for it, but don’t let on where it is. We could (and should) get 2 tv’s as we like completely different things. He doesn’t stop me watching what I like, but will moan and comment all the way through, which completely spoils any enjoyment. I watch a lot on my ipad on “catchup” channels

Not hard to believe at all. Most relationships have a power imbalance with one partner dominant. Some “experts” have argued that in order to succeed in an emotional relationship, you have to be willing to give up (some) control, to let the other person decide what to do and live up to their standards if you want the relationship to continue. I suspect not having any control over what she watches on TV is just the tip of a very large iceberg.

It seems that the old attitudes applied in the days when the husband was the main wage-earner, and supported the family.
Everyone depended on him and respected his needs.
But now the wife often earns more than the husband, so can have more control of what goes on in the family.
But is this the natural balance?

This attitude brought back memories of my own experience. As my children grew older I was able to go back to work and fortunate to get a job that meant on many occasions travel abroad. I had an aunt with a very laid back husband who clearly believed a woman's place was in the home and asked DH if he approved !of his wife (me) leaving him to look after the house and children..?

I am shocked at the number of young women who are controlled by partners. It is not something I ever saw with my grandparents or parents. There was a try with me but that was soon quashed and the offending and offensive partner was soon divorced.
I know a young lady who is probably mid 20s and she is so under the control of her partner that she asks permission to buy something costing £1.00 I was shocked but even worse is that I know what the younger lady's job is and I am sure that part of the ethics of that job is not to be bullied by anyone. I wonder what the "higher ups" would say if they knew her home position.

This reminds me of a story my late mother-in-law used to tell us. Her husband used to spend most evenings at the pub and consequently television became her companion. When he came home he used to go straight to the television and change the channel which used to infuriate her. One evening she had a hammer in her hand and when he went over to change the channel she brandished the hammer and told him if he ever did that again she would smash the tv with it. It did the trick and he never did it again. Thankfully my DH doesn't take after his father.

Truly shocking how so many women still allow these dinosaur men to dictate about so many areas of their life, makes my blood boil ....

My other half is only interested in Cooking, Gardening and Neighbours, it's not a problem I let her control the remote and I watch Catch Up with headphones, harmony!.
I learned a long time ago, go with the flow unless it is really important.

My husband likes sport especially golf and I can’t stand it do if I’m in he watches it upstairs but I am out a lot. If a soap comes on he leaves the room. I don’t ever have friends in because he doesn’t know many of my friends and it would be awkward.

I haven't watched the Royal Reading yet as was out on a painting course on the day. have arranged to view it with friend who has recorded it and seen it twice already!! However I do have a computer so can watch it on Iplayer but his is not quite the same as on a TV screen.

It’s all completely astonishing. Even if a couple can’t afford two televisions, there are usually two rooms. The one who doesn’t like the programme could go out, or into another room, even a bedroom, and read a book. Two sets are best, though.

What about iPlayer and catch-up?

DH and I only watch TV in the evenings, usually choosing together what we will watch. He records his favourite Soaps and saves them for when there is nothing else worth watching. We have limited channels in our area, so if I am not interested in what DH wants to view I put my headphones on and use my tablet to do something else. I could say DH has 'control' of the remote simply because he uses it more and is more familiar with the complicated TV menus than I am - I can't be bothered with all those endless pages of text! And if push came to shove we have a second TV in the dining room. But I would certainly never be told what I could or could not watch!

"Whilst I would never say “i’m Not allowed to.....” the reality in our house is that DH controls the remote. "
Same here. Also if anything goes wrong with the tv or we need complicated recordings etc, I'm hopeless, and he used to be a tv engineer.

My OH couldn't care less about TV unless it's Moto GP or the ITV weather girl Lucy Verasamy
I do tell him if I think a film is good on Amazon or Netflix.

I meant to say, I stated firmly my intention to watch the royal wedding and this was accepted. He even joined me for the service.
I think I might have had a problem if it had clashed with Formula One, as that always takes precedence.

Whilst I would never say “i’m Not allowed to.....” the reality in our house is that DH controls the remote. He watches his choice of programmes and mostly I go along with it, but sometimes I might watch elsewhere, or insist on my choice, or we record one or other programme.
About once a month he goes away to visit his family for a few days and then I watch all sorts of different things. Lots more documentaries, about A& E or gardens etc, Four in a bed, Escape to the country etc. Instead of endless antiques, police dramas, and multiple repeats of golden oldies.
I suppose I take the line of least resistance, but I know I can insist on my choice if I want to. But sometimes it just isn’t worth the bother.
We actually have four TVs in our house, but only one to sit and watch in comfort.

I have a friend who told me 3 actly the same as the OP - she'd live to have watched the Royal Wedding but her husband dint want to and wouldnt let her. They are not well off (in debt actually and live in a council house) so another TV set is not an option. I said couldnt she record it and watch it when he was out (asI did). Turns out they have no way of recording pregrammes, he never goes out (ill health) or does anything much other than watching TV. She is keen on classical.music (that is how I know her, through a music group) and was asking me about the music at the wedding. I told her but suggested she got a CD of the wedding music (I think there is one coming out) but she says he gets all the CDs and controls all the music they listen too. I was shocked into silence and appreciated DH even more!!

Perhaps she isn’t controlled but has happily given up the remote and spends her time doing something she enjoys instead?
It’s just the tele!!!
I know a couple of households where the remote seems to be attached to the husbands hand but it’s no biggy and the wives do something else.
I live alone so it isn’t an issue in my house!

I was married to one like that. If I needed to write a business letter, he thought he should ‘draft’ it for me, so that I could copy it out.
The fact that I had a degree in English didn’t seem to register!
He was always very rude to visitors, unless he thought they were superior people, and/or very attractive, in which case he was nauseatingly fawning
Mostly I just ignored him, but I couldn’t ignore his vicious temper and fists, so he became X.
I live very happily alone, and after 35 years I still revel in having my own way, watching what I like on TV, and not having to worry about OH’s temper.
Being alone doesn’t mean lonely - I have plenty of friends, and have had lovers when it suited me and I had the energy - but I don’t think I could ever bear to share my home with anyone again. The thought of them becoming bossy, controlling or bullying is just too scary!

Surely you have to strike the right balance in your marriage and have a bit of give and take. It does sound like this husband has turned her into a downtrodden wife who does not have much say. I do wonder if there are other areas in her life that he exerts a lot of control, as well as what she is and is,nt allowed to watch on TV. She needs to give him a big shock...next time he says we are,nt watching this, that or the other...say well you might not be, but I am ...I,ve bought another TV for my own viewing.....and that's just the start!

Thank you Sparkly Grandma. That means so much.

My friend mentioned above says that if she has a clear out of clothes to give to the charity shop, her DH goes through the bags taking out items and saying 'I like you in that' and putting them back in the wardrobe. Is it just my DH that wouldn't give a monkeys what I did and didn't throw away?

sorry didn't get the full link:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=aT6cB6vMWYU

Hopefully we've progressed a little since these days (which I remember):
www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w&t=58s