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Is this acceptable in the 21st century

(110 Posts)
Mauriherb Thu 24-May-18 13:18:21

Sitting in the doctors waiting room, the lady next to me started chatting. I asked her if she watched the royal wedding on Saturday and she shook her head and told me that, although she would have loved to see it, her husband doesn't like the royals so wouldn't let her watch! The shock must have shown on my face as she went on to say that he won't let her watch "strictly " or any of the soaps. I find it hard to believe that in 2018 women are still bullied like this . Am I being unfair ?

OldMeg Thu 24-May-18 13:19:58

I’m guessing she was elderly?

trisher Thu 24-May-18 13:23:02

Was it ever acceptable? None of the women in my family would have stood for this. Not even my grandmothers.

Jalima1108 Thu 24-May-18 13:25:47

Nor mine trisher

Although I have heard of one or two who were that submissive.

Joelsnan Thu 24-May-18 13:26:12

Sadly there is a heck of a lot of controlling going on behind closed doors. Usually male against female, but not always so and very much not confined to the elderly.

ginny Thu 24-May-18 13:26:39

Oh my ! Worrying. I wonder what else he doesn’t ‘let’ her do.☹️

stella1949 Thu 24-May-18 13:30:02

She could have been any age - there have always been controlling men, and as long as women tolerate it, there always will be.

Anniebach Thu 24-May-18 13:35:01

Have hen pecked husbands vanished 😀

Mauriherb Thu 24-May-18 13:40:56

I would say she was late 60s. I've always been independent but if I have friends to stay I will always let them watch a favourite tv programme if they want to. Like Ginny, I started to wonder what her life was like, but she seemed quite confident. I suppose a lot of people, men and women, just accept things for a quiet life

Fennel Thu 24-May-18 13:48:51

I know a few couples like that. If you have only one TV it's difficult to reach a peaceful compromise. It's not so much "doesn't let" as he/she can't bear to watch.
Luckily for me there are few tv programmes I do want to watch. Husband likes some sport, and I quite enjoy that.
The answer is to have 2 tvs.

Joelsnan Thu 24-May-18 13:57:57

For those who are in a controlling relationship, standing up to or leaving the perpetrator is often an impossibility, often the control us accompanied by violence, so some are fearful to stay and fearful to go, so become submissive, they rarely 'put up with it'. or happily accept it for 'a quiet life'.

BlueBelle Thu 24-May-18 16:34:03

Totally different but I was equally surprised when an aquaintence a young gran with her grandchild of 16 months told me her daughter only let the baby wear long dresses or leggings as ‘ you can’t be too careful these dsy’ When I pointed out that at 16 months she was always with her parents or grandparents she held her ground insisting you can’t be too careful and adding all babies wear leggings now for the same reason
I found this very sad that that little girls legs are always going to be covered up and felt it was a huge over reaction

allsortsofbags Thu 24-May-18 16:50:38

That poor lady. So sad that there are such controlling people about. Age, gender, social status doesn't seem to matter, makes me angry.

Day6 Thu 24-May-18 16:58:10

It is hard to believe, isn't it, when women in this day and age don't do their own thing and submit to another.

There is compromise, going along with others for a quiet life, and then there is bullying and control. As Joelsnan mentioned, it can be very difficult to disobey a bully. The fear of violent repercussions must be always there. sad

winterwhite Thu 24-May-18 17:01:18

Or maybe just a manner of speaking as someone suggested up-thread. Few of us are at our humourous best in GP surgeries.
I’m sure my DH isn’t the only one to claim that he ‘wasn’t allowed to’ watch some sporting event that clashed with something else, or wear his fearful old scarf and cap if we were out somewhere smart on a cold day.

TerriBull Thu 24-May-18 17:16:57

I make my husband watch any tv golf coverage out of my earshot. Hope that doesn't constitute controlling behaviour on my part blush

Jalima1108 Thu 24-May-18 18:20:15

sometimes I even let DH watch Grand Designs

I'm very kind.

tinaf1 Thu 24-May-18 19:57:24

Agree with Fennel my husband loves all sport and I only like darts and occasional football matches he cannot stand the TV programmes I like usually crime drams from America so we have two TV's and get together to watch what we both like

Elrel Thu 24-May-18 20:14:12

DS doesn't watch Only Connect at home because his partner doesn't get it!

Elrel Thu 24-May-18 20:15:51

She really doesn't like it and doesn't want it on!
I don't think this is anything to do with the presenter!

Jalima1108 Thu 24-May-18 20:18:20


I like it!!
even if I don't get much of it

GrandmaMoira Thu 24-May-18 20:23:46

My first DH (divorced) didn't ban me from watching things but would moan all through about how could I watch such rubbish and how stupid I must be to like it. If he was out in the evening he would walk in and turn over what I was watching, though I complained and switched it back. Sometimes it is easier to give in than constantly argue/be nagged.

Belgravian Thu 24-May-18 20:39:01

I have also seen the other side when I played golf. Loads of women resented and made it difficult for their husbands to play golf!

I'm not talking about a young man shirking his fatherly duties but older retired men who would play once a week very early Sunday morning or during the week when the wife was getting their hair done or shopping.

The vitriol was bizarre.

sodapop Thu 24-May-18 20:48:39

Not sure the lady wasn't enabling this behaviour Mauriherb its surely possible to have access to another tv or record things to watch at a different time.

Elrel Thu 24-May-18 21:23:39

Jalima - I love it and am thrilled if I ever get anything! Once or twice I've even got even a line in the wall that the contestants didn't. So much luck involved in any quiz.