no-chat partner

Sandra F,
I feel your pain, I'm in the same situation, I have only been with my partner for 10 years and he is not a talker, he doesn't even answer when I talk to him.
I feel more lonely now than the 13 years I was on my own.
The only thing he want's to talk about is politics and that is not my cup of tea, too many rows can take place.
I have chatty neighbours and I talk to my kids a lot so that helps a lot. I really miss the companionship of work.

paddyann

Kazziecookie we've lived and worked together for 44 years ...never run out of conversation.My SIL used to say the whole family fought for air space as we all talk a lot

My OH can talk for Scotland ,we chat all the time sometimes into the wee sma hours.In fact at 3am this morning if you'd keeked in our window you'd have seen us dancing round the sitting room giggling like kids.We'd been discussing his awful dance moves and he volunteered o be taught afew better ones ...at 2.30 .No time like the present says me ...lol

DH & I used to chat quite a lot, lots of different topics but there were also spells of quiet companionship.

Sadly I've been widowed for over 5 years , I do miss his company & sense of humour but am content with my own company although I have a wide social circle so never lonely. Maybe that will change as I get older.

I was always the one who could be silent having my nose stuck in a book reading or doing crosswords. Life can be as lonely in a relationship as being on your own.

My husband spends hours on his computer or watching tv and if I'm in the same room continually talks about what he's watching whether I'm watching it or not and consequently missing the next bit of the programme. I usually spend the afternoons sitting in the dining room with my knitting while he is watching afternoon tv but he has to walk through the dining room to get to the kitchen and bathroom and as soon as he walks through the door he starts telling me about what he has been watching. Bang goes the stitch count or concentration on the pattern.

It is a fact men are much less verbal than women and we don't gossip, well not in the same way. If we criticized each other the way women do it would quickly turn to fighting, whereas its just emotionally hurtful in most cases. We also don't discuss our problems, it is not manly to have emotional problems, we are supposed to be able to cope, so we keep them to ourselves
Even between long term partners conversation is inhibited by different points of view, any controversy is ended by one or other giving way to "keep the peace". Even after nearly 50 happy yrs together we are quite careful not to say the wrong thing, so we live in quiet contentment.
Conversation between women is coded I see it in these topics, men just don't understand what is being said and not said. On occasions I have eavesdropped on women's chat and have had no idea what they are talking about. You may see 2 couples out walking, both ladies always out in front chatting continuously, their men behind commenting occasionally about this and that, men are different!

My DH is the 'chatty' one. I am the 'very comfortable with silence' one. For the most part we both enjoy the way we are, although occassionally DH wishes I would talk more.
I appreciate that fact that sometimes he wishes I would talk more but he doesn't always realise that I am happy in my silence and that it's no reflection on him and sometimes I wish he would talk less! But we feel very compatible and get along so well.

Sounds like our house. My DH isn't much of a chatter and spends hours watching news or sports programmes on TV. I've got used to it and either bury myself in a book or go on my PC and leave him to it. Oddly enough he's always keen to tell me what fascinating discussions he and his mates have after a visit to the local pub where they put the world to rights . Love him to bits and we've been married almost 57 years so I think I'll just keep him!

Thought this was unique to me . I feel I am living with a business partner as we talk bills and what hours we are working etc . On goes the TV ...banned from adding comments about his fave sports although they mirror his . I just get on with life . I have got used to it . Suppose when my children were younger we had our agenda where he felt a bit left out as I had to organise everything . Holidays are better as we seem to chat more then . Think he sees home as a place where he can relax .

This so resonates with me - I am just reading 'Living Together, Feeling Alone'. At least we Grans now know we are not 'alone' in feeling this way - thanks OP for raising this topic. My OH devours the news but never brings up a topic of conversation; does not share anything other than what the weather is doing basically - drives me insane! My OH doesn't get my craving for connection - as I get further into the book I'll probably find that it goes back to childhood and I have unreasonable expectations ....

If I ever ask my husband why he goes for hours without saying anything, he always replies, " I only speak when there's something to say". I find that I'm driven out of the house to meet friends more than necessary as it gets very lonely at home.

DH and I are with each other constantly so although we chat (mainly about our guest house and guests) we often run out of things to talk about.
Having said that I have just had about 20 solid minutes of him telling me about the Monaco Grand Prix that is on today (yawn yawn but trying to be interested)
At breakfast in the guest house some couples chat and seem very affectionate to one another but you get so many these days that can’t put their phones down (even eat their breakfast one handed)

My husband is exactly the same, he only seems to chat when there is a program on which I really want to watch!!

I feel the same annep as my husband of 37 years hardly ever talks. I’ve told him how I feel but nothing changes. I still work full time as does he although he is keen to retire. I’m not keen as I enjoy the company/chats at work. I have to remind myself that he’s a good husband in other ways and I guess you can’t have everything.

Hubby doesn't chat at all but he frequently gives me his opinions. We've been married for forty-seven years so I guess I've grown used to it but it still drives me mad from time to time.

I summise that relationships are all about weighing up the positives against the negatives, does anyone have it all perfect ? I also think it’s so important that as well as you do loads of stuff together, that you also have interests of your own, with friends etc Men don’t feel the need to chat as many of us ladies do, but have you told him that you wish he would chat more as you feel a bit lonely ? I was lonely in both my marriages, the 1st was a dominating know it all, so I didn’t say much just let him “ ramble” hoping he would shut up eventually !! The 2nd was fine till his Co went under and he then became a heavy drinker talking garbage .... I am so happy being single !!

My late husband was a great communicator, both speaker and listener. It’s a rare quality nowadays. Sadly, he died too young.

I met my last partner (a widower) because I had written a blog piece about how so many couples no longer seem to talk. It was a casual observation about the silence of couples in cafes and restaurants. It got the two of us I chatting online about how we missed the conversation as well as the companionable silence we had with our late spouses.

Our relationship didn’t last as long as we had both hoped at first but it was lovely for a while having that back again. I can remember a particular occasion where he and I were sitting in a hotel restaurant just talking quietly, smiling, touching hands across the table, the things we do when we are in love when suddenly I noticed other couples looking over and smiling. It’s making me feel very wistful, the simple pleasures of being in a loving relationship and the loneliness that enforced silence can cause.

I wish DH were here to drive me mad chattering on about something he knows doesn't interest me (like fishing) instead of being stuck in hospital undergoing a barrage of tests. We're into our third week now with the threat of three more to come. He says he's longing for the peace and quiet of home whereas I'm fed up with the peace and quiet!

There's no pleasing some.

We chat about everything but don't always agree - especially politics. I often read out stuff to him from on here and he used to help me with the games..........when I still did them!

Mine has become less loquacious as he has aged. He talks (grumbles) more at the TV than he talks to me, and to be honest I don’t mind it in the house, but when we go out walking, conversation is like getting blood out of a stone. I think the major problem is his hearing, which is very poor (and he won’t do anything about it), so he has tended not to instigate conversations, especially with those outside the family, in case he can’t hear the replies, and now it has become a habit.

The Wonderful Man has just the right balance - he often initiates conversations and we chat about our lives and family, but he's not in love with the sound of his own voice.

Life is never simple is it?

My DH was a great talker and is now struggling after a stroke. It is sad because it has knocked his confidence and I often have to step in interpret the words he is looking for (don't always get it right).
Out of the two of us he was always the communicator so we now have a bit of a role reversal.

My mother told me she married my father because he was the first man she’d ever met who really talked.