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no-chat partner

(86 Posts)
annep Sat 26-May-18 09:27:44

Anyone else feel lonely at home because their partner doesn't chat? I have friends but sometimes it's like living in a silent retreat. And then suddenly for a short time he talks nonstop and I can't cope with the sudden change. Sorry to moan.

midgey Sat 26-May-18 09:33:59

I have one of those! Drives me demented.

Lovetopaint037 Sat 26-May-18 09:38:35

What is he interested in? Can you start a conversation going? It has probably become a habit not to chat unless it is necessary. Have you told him you want to chat? What’s his reaction when you tell him things you have seen or done? Some people only talk when they think they have something to say. Can you share a joke or laugh at daft things?

lemongrove Sat 26-May-18 09:38:49

I don’t think that men chat in the same way as women annep although when meeting other men they certainly seem togrin my DH does anyway.They don’t seem to do ‘chat’ with their wives /partners all that much......should we be grateful? I instigate chat, ie. a subject, and he says what he thinks on the matter, but men don’t generally seem to let conversation flow on and diverge into other subjects as women do.
Having been married a long time am used to this and accept it and sometimes a quiet time is rather nice, but I can see that in some cases ( yours) it can be upsetting.
I have plenty of friends to chat to and belong to hobby groups and family all live locally, but I could see that if you didn’t you may feel alienated by the silence.
Try talking about things that interest him just to get him talking?

Welshwife Sat 26-May-18 09:45:50

Mine can be quiet for ages reading. DIY magazine sort of thing or doing something and then when I am watching TV or deep in a book come in and talk non-stop! I say nothing for a good bit as sometimes the episode is quite short lived but I do have to point out what I am doing sometimes.
I am just glad I still have him though as he nearly died a couple of years ago.

Oldwoman70 Sat 26-May-18 09:55:35

Am I the only one who had a chatty husband! One of the many things I miss are the long conversations we would have over dinner every night

MawBroon Sat 26-May-18 09:59:29

We sometimes chatted but also latterly enjoyed what you might call “companiable silence” in between discussions about whatever was in the news.
It reassures me to know that one of our last conversations just a day before he died was about a particular Tory omnishambles (Pritti Patel and Israel) and we were in full agreement.

sunseeker Sat 26-May-18 10:01:24

I also had a chatty DH Oldwoman. I was once asked if we were newly married (we had been together 35 years at the time), when I asked why the question they said it was because we were always talking, she had run out of things to say to her husband years before!

downtoearth Sat 26-May-18 10:11:51

I am the silent partner...a woman of few words

Panache Sat 26-May-18 10:38:09

Another rather non chatty hubby here!

Bring up any of his favourite subjects and/or the daily news and he is away on a tangent.
Otherways he will sit for hours quite happily lost in his own thoughts.

As a bit of a "chatterbox" I have at times felt rather peeved.

However overall I am pleased to add we enjoy our times of "putting the world to rights" as well as companioble silence, spent always together in close proximity one to another.

Jane10 Sat 26-May-18 10:39:19

Once, while running my group for late diagnosed men with Asperger syndrome, I suggested that they ask their partners how their day had been. This was a tremendous success (even though one of them queried the point saying, 'What? Even though you're not interested?')
I told my DH about this and now he does it! Please note he doesn't have AS and I'm sure your DHs don't either. Maybe it's a man thing.

Grandma70s Sat 26-May-18 11:09:01

My mother told me she married my father because he was the first man she’d ever met who really talked.

blossom14 Sat 26-May-18 11:58:48

My DH was a great talker and is now struggling after a stroke. It is sad because it has knocked his confidence and I often have to step in interpret the words he is looking for (don't always get it right).
Out of the two of us he was always the communicator so we now have a bit of a role reversal.

MawBroon Sat 26-May-18 12:04:17

Life is never simple is it?

grannyactivist Sat 26-May-18 12:17:41

The Wonderful Man has just the right balance - he often initiates conversations and we chat about our lives and family, but he's not in love with the sound of his own voice. grin

Greyduster Sat 26-May-18 14:26:03

Mine has become less loquacious as he has aged. He talks (grumbles) more at the TV than he talks to me, and to be honest I don’t mind it in the house, but when we go out walking, conversation is like getting blood out of a stone. I think the major problem is his hearing, which is very poor (and he won’t do anything about it), so he has tended not to instigate conversations, especially with those outside the family, in case he can’t hear the replies, and now it has become a habit.

DanniRae Sat 26-May-18 14:43:08

We chat about everything but don't always agree - especially politics. I often read out stuff to him from on here and he used to help me with the games..........when I still did them!

merlotgran Sat 26-May-18 14:59:53

I wish DH were here to drive me mad chattering on about something he knows doesn't interest me (like fishing) instead of being stuck in hospital undergoing a barrage of tests. We're into our third week now with the threat of three more to come. He says he's longing for the peace and quiet of home whereas I'm fed up with the peace and quiet!

There's no pleasing some. grin

LiltingLyrics Sat 26-May-18 15:20:34

My late husband was a great communicator, both speaker and listener. It’s a rare quality nowadays. Sadly, he died too young.

I met my last partner (a widower) because I had written a blog piece about how so many couples no longer seem to talk. It was a casual observation about the silence of couples in cafes and restaurants. It got the two of us I chatting online about how we missed the conversation as well as the companionable silence we had with our late spouses.

Our relationship didn’t last as long as we had both hoped at first but it was lovely for a while having that back again. I can remember a particular occasion where he and I were sitting in a hotel restaurant just talking quietly, smiling, touching hands across the table, the things we do when we are in love when suddenly I noticed other couples looking over and smiling. It’s making me feel very wistful, the simple pleasures of being in a loving relationship and the loneliness that enforced silence can cause.

Coconut Sun 27-May-18 09:29:16

I summise that relationships are all about weighing up the positives against the negatives, does anyone have it all perfect ? I also think it’s so important that as well as you do loads of stuff together, that you also have interests of your own, with friends etc Men don’t feel the need to chat as many of us ladies do, but have you told him that you wish he would chat more as you feel a bit lonely ? I was lonely in both my marriages, the 1st was a dominating know it all, so I didn’t say much just let him “ ramble” hoping he would shut up eventually !! The 2nd was fine till his Co went under and he then became a heavy drinker talking garbage .... I am so happy being single !!

Bobdoesit Sun 27-May-18 09:39:48

Hubby doesn't chat at all but he frequently gives me his opinions. We've been married for forty-seven years so I guess I've grown used to it but it still drives me mad from time to time. smile

Armynanny Sun 27-May-18 09:43:46

I feel the same annep as my husband of 37 years hardly ever talks. I’ve told him how I feel but nothing changes. I still work full time as does he although he is keen to retire. I’m not keen as I enjoy the company/chats at work. I have to remind myself that he’s a good husband in other ways and I guess you can’t have everything.

Lindaylou55 Sun 27-May-18 10:03:47

My husband is exactly the same, he only seems to chat when there is a program on which I really want to watch!!

kazziecookie Sun 27-May-18 10:10:48

DH and I are with each other constantly so although we chat (mainly about our guest house and guests) we often run out of things to talk about.
Having said that I have just had about 20 solid minutes of him telling me about the Monaco Grand Prix that is on today (yawn yawn but trying to be interested)
At breakfast in the guest house some couples chat and seem very affectionate to one another but you get so many these days that can’t put their phones down (even eat their breakfast one handed)

SandraF Sun 27-May-18 10:12:34

If I ever ask my husband why he goes for hours without saying anything, he always replies, " I only speak when there's something to say". I find that I'm driven out of the house to meet friends more than necessary as it gets very lonely at home.