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Son moving on

(37 Posts)
dogsmother Mon 25-Jun-18 09:46:12

Today my eldest is leaving the country.
He has a new job and is moving to live with his true love in Germany.
I am of course very happy for him, but also feeling emotionally on the edge...
Anyhow. I just would like a little advice on what to gift them if anything?

Oopsadaisy53 Mon 25-Jun-18 09:53:54

Might be best to wait until they are settled and then ask if they need anything?

He’ll be fine!

wildswan16 Mon 25-Jun-18 10:33:15

You've already given him the greatest gift you could - he's moving on into adulthood, he's working, he has a partner, he's exploring the world. You did a great job !

There will be mixed feelings, sadness and happiness. Hope you get a chance to visit them soon.

Lyndiloo Mon 25-Jun-18 14:12:47

It's very hard when children move far away. My advice would be - make sure you keep in touch. (Especially if grandchildren eventually arrive!) Text, email - and don't forget the bonus of Skype (and it's free!)

His gift will be your blessing!

Izabella Mon 25-Jun-18 14:16:23

Lovely post wildswan

OurKid1 Mon 25-Jun-18 14:17:45

You give them wings so they can fly.

annep Mon 25-Jun-18 20:36:40

If they are renting, something small like a coffee machine? When they are settled in their own home maybe ask what they would like, depending on your finances of course. You will get used to him being away. I know from experience. It will unfortunately never be the same as living close but not too far for visits. Keep in touch.

OldMeg Mon 25-Jun-18 21:21:18

Just slip him a few € inside a card and tell him and his partner to buy a nice bottle of their preferred tipple on their first night to enjoy in their new home.

Florabunda60 Tue 26-Jun-18 07:15:27

No gift necessary.

Do you have a partner? I ask because you are likely to need support at times. (My daughter moved abroad.) Take care and ask for help when needed.

Witzend Tue 26-Jun-18 08:41:14

Is it a permanent move, or for x years for work?

Dh and I lived abroad for 13 years, including when dds were small. Ironically enough, though, both my parents and the in laws probably saw more of us all in total through the year, than they did of other dcs/gdcs who were scattered about the UK, since we stayed with them on annual leave, and both sets of parents came and stayed with us for at least a couple of weeks at a time.

As for gifts, I would ask. Maybe they won't know what they might want just yet.

GabriellaG Tue 26-Jun-18 10:27:10

Germany isn't 'far away'.

fluttERBY123 Tue 26-Jun-18 10:35:40

Give them a token for return tickets so they can visit you!

Kim19 Tue 26-Jun-18 10:36:29

Hi! Why not save your 'gift' money towards a personal visit in a few months? This offers bonuses of having this to look forward to, the actual meeting and then perhaps the opportunity to visit their home and personally see (or hear a mention of) a need you could provide. My initial thought would be to live independently nearby (it would be an hotel for me) unless they insist otherwise. Good luck. Not at all an easy event for us parents, this parting, even when it's temporary.

humptydumpty Tue 26-Jun-18 10:53:50

Sadly this is the circel of life - when I left home I'm ashamed to say I was so excited I barely gave the emotional impact on my parents a thought - it's coming back to bite me now with my DD shortly to leave!

Apricity Tue 26-Jun-18 10:59:20

It's so very hard. I farewelled my only son to the other side of the world about 15 years ago. Partner, now wife and two children, sometimes I don't see them for two years. It's hard, it doesn't get any easier, it just is what it is. I take comfort from the fact that he lives in a beautiful, safe country and has a great life. No easy answers.

inishowen Tue 26-Jun-18 11:00:22

Germany is easy to fly to. We lived there for 3 years. I was like you humptydumpty, I didn't think how it affected my parents. They did come and visit us twice, and we got home twice. Fares in the seventies were so high compared to today.

GreenGran78 Tue 26-Jun-18 11:02:00

My youngest daughter emigrated to Australia 20 years ago. Youngest son went to visit, fell in love with a girl and also emigrated. When we went over for the wedding eldest son and his wife liked it there, and - guess what!
I miss them all a lot, especially since a baby arrived last year. I have managed to visit fairly regularly, but the journey is becoming too much as I get older.
Thanks to Skype, and the daily posts put on by the daycare centre, I manage to keep in regular contact. You do get used to it eventually, but I would love to have them back home again.

lollee Tue 26-Jun-18 11:11:56

I agree with the first reply, wait until they are settled. They may covet something they don't want to splash out on and you could send the money. I say money because it is so costly to send parcels abroad.
Life changes constantly and Germany isnt far. Who knows what the future holds, get to grips with skype if you haven't already.

crazyH Tue 26-Jun-18 11:12:16

My poor mother...I can still see her face at the airport, when we left for the UK. She adored my children and they adored her. Homeland was a long way away, very expensive to travel and so, we didn't visit often. I brought her to stay with us for 6 months. Our sincere intention was to return after qualifying but we never did.
Those days (70s), communication was difficult , only snail mail and the odd phone call, when she could arrange to get to get to the public phone box.
Germany is not far, so you will be able to visit, Skype etc.
All the best !!

Patticake123 Tue 26-Jun-18 11:17:33

Germany is so close, just think of the lovely weekends you will able to have! I understand your pain, both of my children live abroad and whilst it is lovely to visit them it would be lovelier if they were closer. Wait until they are settled before you treat them and then, why not go on a visit and take them shopping. Chin up, you’ve given him the confidence to do this which is to your credit.

luluaugust Tue 26-Jun-18 11:26:41

Yes Germany is easily accessible from UK, even by car! Its so common now for at least one of the family to work abroad but I hope soon you will see it as an opportunity to travel a bit. A good friend of mine has been half way round the world as her two sons move from job to job. Leave the gift until you have visited and seen where they are, a lovely new home card good idea.

humptydumpty Tue 26-Jun-18 11:30:13

GreenGran78, have you considered moving to Australia to join your children?

newnanny Tue 26-Jun-18 11:37:06

flowers I know it is so hard. You will find it hard for a while but it will gradually get a bit easier. Germany is not far and there are often cheap flights that you could take to go and see them. Ask if you can go in 3 months and then you have something to look forward to. I would give them euros to choose themselves a gift as you do not know what they will have and enough euros for them to come back for a visit around Christmas/New Year. If you can't use skype learn how to use it. Arrange a regular time you skype each other every week.

Coconut Tue 26-Jun-18 11:44:08

Make a joke of it with him ..... such as, you can’t get rid of me that easy.... and get on that plane whenever you can, just think of all those holidays you can now have !!

Conni7 Tue 26-Jun-18 12:04:32

I take comfort from all these posts. My three "children" all live in different countries. My daughter has been in California for 30 years, and we visited every year when my husband was alive. Older now, I find the time difference more difficult to cope with than the long journey, so don't go any more. I think I've said before that if we bring them up to be independent we can't complain when they are!