Child minding.

I would be a millionaire if I accepted money for looking after my grandchildren. I take two of my grandchildren to and from school every day except one, and on that day I pick up the other two . I take them all to swimming and horse riding , and often sleep overnight if my daughter has a late finish at work.

I also do all my daughter's ironing when I'm there to pick up the children. And the washing , and cleaning the bathrooms .

My daughter offered me money at first - years ago - but I declined the offer. The reason I did that, is that in my mind, the minute I accepted money I'd be like an employee, beholden to her and tied to the arrangement . By doing it gratis, I'm still independent and doing the care out of love. We all see these things differently, but I prefer to remain unpaid.

tomsnannie2
Am I missing something ? No mention of DIL's parents.!

I think generosity includes generosity in taking as well as giving. You can find ways to use the money to help her if you want to but she will feel better for giving it and she would have to pay more otherwise. She wants to pay you. Allow her to or she may feel like a charity case.

Grab it, thomsnannie 2! If she was offering 19 quid P.H. for a nanny then you're a snip at a fiver an hour.

Plus, you won't need to provide a CRB check AND your DIL knows you.

Sorted!

I’d accept the petrol money and suggest a nice bunch of flowers at the end! If she insists you could deduct the petrol money, save the rest and treat the grandchildren.

I have looked after my DGC for countless hours, and because I was not well off, my DD insisted on paying me.
It made her feel happier, and I had money to spend on little outings, treats, and clothes for the little ones.
I am better off now, so flatly refuse any money. My daughter has accepted that so long as I have the means, having the children’s company is payment enough. As far as I’m concerned, any spare cash I have is for my DGC.
This is something that has to be worked out on an individual basis. If you are badly off, a little extra money will ensure better and more enjoyable times with your grandchildren, if you are reasonably flush, then accept it if it makes DIL happy, and save it up in a separate account for the kiddies.

I’m with eazybee on this. If she wants to pay, let her. She’ll feel more in control and if she’s already worried that she might not be able to cope, boosting her self esteem is good. An hour’s petrol is not a small consideration nowadays, but what you do with the money is up to you. We did accept considerable payment for looking after 2 of our GC from birth. It’s not a cheap business caring for and feeding children but we also saved the money so we could take them away on holiday with us or for days out. Once they were at school it was different though the petrol bill went up as the school was 5 miles away from us and 10 from their home. (Parental choice of local school didn’t work.)
Hope you get it sorted so you’re both happy.

Accept and save bar any expenses you may have. Have you thought of the implications of being paid e.g. tax issues. There is always someone only too eager to bring these things to the attention of appropriate bodies. Your DIL will be so grateful having you there and you will be able to bond with gc. Enjoy!

Accept it, and perhaps put it in a savings account for the children.

Take the money and put it into an account for your GC..she obviously wants to give you something so accept and put into the account

The important thing is your daughter in law gets enough help. If the only way she will accept it is to feel she is taking control by making a payment then so be it. I believe from your most recent post she will put the money aside until the end of the holiday period. Perhaps then you could chat with her and explain your discomfort. If she still insists (you don’t want to deter her from seeking help in the future) then save the money for the children in the future or use for a joint treat for you, your husband and the young family. You want to help and she needs help, the ‘payment’ is secondary in my view. Hope you don’t get too tired, it will be fun, enjoy it all.

I have never taken money for looking after my own GC, it would never cross my mind. If you take money it becomes a business arrangement.

I would take the money but after my expenses I would put the rest aside for treats and outings when the baby is older.

For the past 16 years I have looked after my daughter’s 2 children - still do - my daughter works away and they stay with me / my daughter has never offered to pay me, I am not desperate for money , I manage . Sometimes I feel used but she does buy some fruit and snacks for them and i’m sure if I asked her to get some meat as well, i’m sure she would. But, I don’t. They are my first and second grandchild and I will do anything for them . The other grandchildren (by my boys) are babies and I am now too old to take them on . I do the occasional babysitting , that’s all .

If you will be out of pocket due to travel expenses, then just ask for travel expenses.

If she insists on paying you, you could put the money on one side for the DGC, perhaps in a savings account for them.

I'm 59, by the way, and I work part-time too

I used to look after my son's girlfriend's boy (he's 4), two days a week....FREE. I also did their washing, ironing and washing-up on those days, as well as take the kid out and make his lunch.

My son isn't the father (the father is useless, as are the actual grandparents), and since my son and the girlfriend split up, she now has to pay for a childminder (she actually said she' s financially better off, on her own!)

She is not confident of her abilities and handles stress badly. She suffered with post natal depression with her eldest and hit rock bottom a month after my son returned to work.he has taken 2 weeks leave as a result . She really needs someone there and I think this is reason she insists on paying..to feel more in control. She thrives with someone to lean on.

Think this the best solution thomsnannie2. You wouldn't worry about anything until the 6 weeks is up and whatever she gives you you can either bank it for the grandchildren or buy then some goodies they otherwise wouldn't get. think that would be the best. I would agree though that making sure there was lunch for you each day you are thee is appropriate. Can't imagine anything else. You have to eat and you are doing a huge favour one obviously you love but think lunch should def be provided.

It sounds like she's adamant about paying you but you don't have to pocket the money if you feel uncomfortable about it, just put it away to treat the little ones with it. I'm guessing she's not actually working but struggles to cope on her own with them? My apologies if I'm wrong ?
I have looked after my nieces little girl every Friday for the past 18 months and also now have my 8 month old granddaughter too, no money changes hands as I do it to spare them childminding fees while they work , I would do more but it's my only day off.

My niece drops her little girl off as she's only 5 mins away but I pick up and drop off my granddaughter as it's an hour round trip, they didn't ask me to I offered to spare them time either end of a working day.

I treasure my time with them and gladly help out, they are growing so fast and won't always need our help ?

I am sure that you will be a great help and they are very lucky to have your support. Why is she so anxious?

Update....i have suggested that daughter in law puts money in envelope at end of 6 weeks summer break and then we renegotiate!

Thanks all, she has always found it difficult to admit that she needs help and will only do so if she can pay me. I am thrilled to spend this time with my gorgeous family and yes it will be tiring but as you say worth it. Negotiations still in progress....

Accept her offer of payment but insist any activities you do during the time are paid for by you. It won't go far if you are going out somewhere. Save any left and use for use for buying things for the GCs, or save in an account for hols/treats for them. It will be hard work and you will be shattered but it is so worth it.

I don’t think a fiver an hour is childminding rate tbh? I don’t use one personally but just going from my friends’ comments?

I would have thought petrol money plus lunches was an agreeable compromise to everyone?