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Child minding.

(65 Posts)
thomsnannie2 Fri 13-Jul-18 09:13:51

My D.I.L has a new baby and a 4 year old. She has accepted my offer of helping out during the school summer break. Her suggestion is 3 days per week at 4 hours a day.She wants to pay me £5 per hour. I really can't accept this from her. I am so glad that she has accepted my offer to help as gets very anxious on these three days my son is working. What rate would you suggest. She was going to engage a nanny at £19 per hour in her desperation, which they cannot afford. But is adamant that she wants to pay me child minding rate. My husband is happy for me to help but concerned that at 69 and the hour journey each way justifies his reasoning that I should be paid.advice please.

eazybee Fri 13-Jul-18 09:52:17

Ask for the cost of petrol; if she insists on £5 an hour, accept it, deduct travelling expenses and save the rest for the child. Paying you will make her feel in control and not beholden you.

gillybob Fri 13-Jul-18 09:55:38

I couldn’t accept any money for looking after my own grandchildren which I have done for over 12 years now. It just seems wrong. I have 3 of them ( soon to be 4) overnights all year round to fit in with my DDiL’s shifts .

That’s just me though .

Melanieeastanglia Fri 13-Jul-18 09:59:09

I get the impression you are uncomfortable about taking money off your son and daughter-in-law and I understand this feeling. However, an hour each way will eat up a lot of petrol and I certainly think they should pay this.

I would be satisfied with this.

Much also depends on their and your financial situation.

If they feel awkward about paying you nothing, ask for a nominal amount of £5 - £10 per day. You may very well not want or need the money but young people have their pride.

I don't think you should have to take a packed lunch either. It is for them to provide the food for your snack.

thomsnannie2 Fri 13-Jul-18 10:01:50

When she told me that she was hiring a Nannie at such a high rate I was aghast and naturally told her I would do it.But she is insistent that she would only take up my offer if I was paid. She feels embarrassed that she can't cope but better by feeling she has given me a job...

BlueBelle Fri 13-Jul-18 10:02:27

I m afraid I would never accept money for looking after my own grandkids I would be worth thousands and thousands if I had 😂no it’s not on to take money for your own flesh and blood
I have travelled by plane many times to ‘babysit’ or collect deliver them I always pay my way and theirs too probably why I m not too well off now 🤔

J52 Fri 13-Jul-18 10:02:47

Accept the money, if it’s a pride issue. Then at the end contribute it to the children’s savings, minus petrol costs.

Melanieeastanglia Fri 13-Jul-18 10:06:16

Eazybee's idea is excellent. I hadn't thought of that one. Another thought I've had is that, depending upon your tastes, your DS and DiL could perhaps buy you vouchers for the local theatre and you could have a treat at their expense. That way no hard cash is exchanged.

I hope you find a satisfactory solution to suit everyone.

J52 Fri 13-Jul-18 10:08:44

Sorry, I’ve repeated eazybee’s suggestion, in a different way 🤭.

AnnS1 Fri 13-Jul-18 10:10:25

Is it 3 consecutive days? Or alternate days? Could you stay over at all? Going to be really tiring. Could you suggest they fill up your car with petrol?

sodapop Fri 13-Jul-18 10:11:34

It's not a case of taking money for caring for your grandchild but as
eazybee said helping your daughter to feel in control and not beholden to you. Accept the money for your petrol.

thomsnannie2 Fri 13-Jul-18 10:13:07

It's 3 days following and I don't drive so it's a bus pass journey. I wouldn't dare suggest staying...we have all acknowledged in the past that we like our own company!

MissAdventure Fri 13-Jul-18 10:13:50

Take enough to cover your expenses.. that way everyone is happy.

wildswan16 Fri 13-Jul-18 10:18:46

I would accept the small payment. I would then open a bank account for the children and put the money into it.

It will help your DIL to feel she is not taking advantage of you, help the children when older, and help you not to feel mean by taking the money in the first place.

I would also tell DIL "I am going to accept your kind offer, but want you to know that this money will be kept for the children so I can treat them when they are older."

Farmor15 Fri 13-Jul-18 10:31:09

I would also take the money to cover expenses and agree with others that it lets parents feel in control. It also makes it easier for parents to ask for help later on and prevents you feeling you are being taken advantage of. (Even if you don’t feel like that now- just delighted that your offer has been accepted).

Just don’t let yourself get too worn out- you’ll find it quite tiring. Maybe your husband can come too on some days.

muffinthemoo Fri 13-Jul-18 10:39:39

I don’t think a fiver an hour is childminding rate tbh? I don’t use one personally but just going from my friends’ comments?

I would have thought petrol money plus lunches was an agreeable compromise to everyone?

trisher Fri 13-Jul-18 10:47:24

Accept her offer of payment but insist any activities you do during the time are paid for by you. It won't go far if you are going out somewhere. Save any left and use for use for buying things for the GCs, or save in an account for hols/treats for them. It will be hard work and you will be shattered but it is so worth it.

thomsnannie2 Fri 13-Jul-18 10:54:18

Thanks all, she has always found it difficult to admit that she needs help and will only do so if she can pay me. I am thrilled to spend this time with my gorgeous family and yes it will be tiring but as you say worth it. Negotiations still in progress....

thomsnannie2 Fri 13-Jul-18 11:16:06

Update....i have suggested that daughter in law puts money in envelope at end of 6 weeks summer break and then we renegotiate!

Dolcelatte Fri 13-Jul-18 12:13:12

I am sure that you will be a great help and they are very lucky to have your support. Why is she so anxious?

Jobey68 Fri 13-Jul-18 13:38:03

It sounds like she's adamant about paying you but you don't have to pocket the money if you feel uncomfortable about it, just put it away to treat the little ones with it. I'm guessing she's not actually working but struggles to cope on her own with them? My apologies if I'm wrong 😊
I have looked after my nieces little girl every Friday for the past 18 months and also now have my 8 month old granddaughter too, no money changes hands as I do it to spare them childminding fees while they work , I would do more but it's my only day off.

My niece drops her little girl off as she's only 5 mins away but I pick up and drop off my granddaughter as it's an hour round trip, they didn't ask me to I offered to spare them time either end of a working day.

I treasure my time with them and gladly help out, they are growing so fast and won't always need our help 😊

Brunette10 Fri 13-Jul-18 14:17:32

Think this the best solution thomsnannie2. You wouldn't worry about anything until the 6 weeks is up and whatever she gives you you can either bank it for the grandchildren or buy then some goodies they otherwise wouldn't get. think that would be the best. I would agree though that making sure there was lunch for you each day you are thee is appropriate. Can't imagine anything else. You have to eat and you are doing a huge favour one obviously you love but think lunch should def be provided.

thomsnannie2 Fri 13-Jul-18 15:49:17

She is not confident of her abilities and handles stress badly. She suffered with post natal depression with her eldest and hit rock bottom a month after my son returned to work.he has taken 2 weeks leave as a result . She really needs someone there and I think this is reason she insists on feel more in control. She thrives with someone to lean on.

JustALaugh Fri 13-Jul-18 16:53:20

I used to look after my son's girlfriend's boy (he's 4), two days a week....FREE. I also did their washing, ironing and washing-up on those days, as well as take the kid out and make his lunch.

My son isn't the father (the father is useless, as are the actual grandparents), and since my son and the girlfriend split up, she now has to pay for a childminder (she actually said she' s financially better off, on her own!)

JustALaugh Fri 13-Jul-18 16:54:04

I'm 59, by the way, and I work part-time too