Child minding.

I would accept payment if it makes your DIL feel better and save it for a long week-end away with your hubby at a later date.

I am looking after grandchildren during the summer holidays AND being paid. Reason being I cannot work myself during the time am looking after them. Depending on your circumstances I don’t think there is anything wrong in accepting payment for regular childminding. It generally saves the parents money and puts their minds at ease that they are not exploiting the good nature of GP’s.

Please take the money. This is very much about boosting her self esteem and giving her confidence, I think it is a bit unkind to reject it. Have you ever considered that deep down she really wanted the nanny, but is being kind to you?It would boost her morale to feel she is doing something for you, helping you as it were . Much better than being beholden to you which will add to her feelings of inadequacy,

I think that you should think about something specific that you want and perhaps take her with you to choose it. When ever I bought a gift for my mother she would say, “oh you should not have spent your money on me. You have enough to do with it”. Just once it would a relief if she had behaved graciously.

Can you suggest that she pays your travel expenses, provides any meal you have there plus out of pocket expenses (E.g. parking, admission food for kids and you when out).

If you don't want the money and she insists then pop it into an account to treat the kids to some days out.

I've re read your OP. I think the hours journey on a bus is a bit much. Your efforts should be very much appreciated and I really hope that the heat or any type of adverse weather doesn't affect you on the two hour round trip.
Are you doing this as a long term arrangement? Can your husband drive you there and stay and help?

Take the money because it makes her feel better and save it to buy the children something when they are older. My DiL has never offered me petrol money (and we used to do 180 miles a week) and doesnt even leave us a meal when we babysit in the evening even if we are there to feed the children.

When the six weeks holiday are up spend the money on school supplies/extra uniform/school bag for the elder child.

Or treat them to a day out.

I think the theatre tickets idea was very clever.

I couldn't accept money either.
I don't live near to my grandchildren and am very happy when my DIL asks if I could help out with childcare in the holidays whilst she is working. She's never offered me money, but goes out of her way to let me know how much she appreciates my help, which is all I need.

thomsnannie please be aware that people in that state of mind can be very unpredictable - speaking from experience it will not be all sweetness and light but hopefully as you can go home each night things will be fine. Keep the money for treats for the DGC and grow a thick skin, you might need it ?

I’m with those who say take the money and save it for the DGC. If only to pay for treats and uniform when the oldest starts school.

This is a long term commitment though, maybe even until the youngest is old enough to walk home from school and be left alone (about twelve years?) - be sure you want to take it on.

Very bewildered, does DIL work? If not why would she need a nanny?

I suppose acceptance of money is dependent on several factors - would it make the person who wants to give the money feel better? Are you existing on a very low income and this could make a difference between just surviving or living more comfortably? Are you giving up the chance of working for the joy of looking after the DGC?

Those who are comfortably off could do well to ponder other people's situations.

(not meaning to sound prissy!)

This is a difficult one : I would never accept money for looking after grandchildren but ,if the boot were on the other foot, for example if my DD offered to do some regular housework for me, I would not accept unless she accepted some sort of payment.

I'm 73 and travel an hour each way to look after my beautiful granddaughter. I would never accept money as it's a joy looking after her and we have a wonderful bond. Do it for the memories she will have of you.

Legs55 ....here it comes ...? .....duck !!!!’?
Neither well off nor a saint .....just stupid ?

The poster has said "I don't drive so it's a bus pass journey". However, I agree with the others who say to accept payment but set aside for grandchildren - maybe for their future education?

I’d just take petrol money. Parents have their pride too and could easily feel guilty about asking you to do this when it might put you out of pocket.

It’s a sort of adult compromise.

Because we lived close to grandchildren we never asked for money but they did ‘reward’ us by asking us to dinner, etc. on a regular basis. It was their way of saying thank you.

I'm far too selfish to spend time doing other peoples housework, I'm afraid.

I would take the money if it makes DiL happier about you helping out. If she has Post Natal Depression she may be finding it very difficult to cope (my SiL was Hospitalised with it, this was over 30 years ago). What you choose to do with the money is your decision. I hope you can find a suitable arrange & hope DiL finds her feet again

Those of you who have never taken any money for caring for your DGC must be comfortably well off or Saints

Ok "tin hat" time & duck

Please let her pay you, but negotiate a lesser amount if it makes you feel better, otherwise gracefully accept the money and bank it for the GC.

Your DIL has a lot to cope with, and she probably feels it will be easier later on for you or she to stop the arrangement if she is paying you, rather than you doing her a favour.

First priority here is to keep the good relationship you have to her - otherwise she would not be asking you for help.

GabriellaG That's the point - I am a mother all over again. My favorite job ! I don't feel the slightest like a "skivvy", I feel like a Mum.

If the poor girl has post natal depression she needs help, if it helps her to pay you please allow her to do that. She doesn’t need to know what you are doing with the money but little trips and treats out in the holidays soon add up! Not every woman is Wonder Woman and what one finds a breeze another finds difficult.

Take the money to make your DiL feel better. As someone suggested above, buy your petrol out of it and save the rest to give them a treat some day. She won't know where the money came from.

I csn't understand having children if you are not there to look after them/ bring them up and rely on GPs ( paid or unpaid) to do pick ups, after school activities, sleepovers, take to and from school and feed them.
The comment re ironing, cleaning bathrooms and washing plus looking after the GCs, screams 'skivvy' to me.
You might as well be a mother all over again.

Tiring? A 4 yr old and a baby?
Give me strength.