Grandson’s nursery time

Some teaching jobs are more stressful than others, because of the role of the individual within the school. Some teachers find being a teacher stressful and some do not. Teaching involves having your every move watched and your every word open to judgement by a very critical audience, throughout every hour of every working day. There are teachers who deal with self harm, suicidal thoughts or attempts by pupils, families in crisis or in dispute, incidents involving the police, mental health services, young people in distress, social media, bullying, friendship issues, etc, etc. Incidents and concerns need to be addressed without delay and taken to a satisfactory conclusion before a child (& the teacher) will leave the building. Teachers can be dealing with these incidents and concerns while juggling their teaching. They are always (& rightly) accountable for everything they do and say. They are constantly (& rightly) trying to ensure that every pupil within every class is fulfilling his/her potential and that every lesson is the best that it can be. They live with the awareness that all their work can be inspected/observed with little or in some cases with no notice. It is a stressful job. Many other jobs are stressful too, but I do not have knowledge to judge them.
So I understand that a teacher may need a rest at the end of the school year. However, I do find it odd that a mother would not look forward to spending time with her child. I fully agree with the wisdom of keeping some contact time with the nursery but I would have thought that there might be a balance between time with mum and time at the nursery.

Those are long days for a toddler to be in nursery but each family has to do what suits them. Personally I would want to spend at least some of the holidays with him if I were your DIL but not everyone likes the baby stage and maybe she is just worn out and may reconsider after a week or two. It may also be she does not want to disrupt his routine if he is now used to going there every day and is happy there.

.My best friend was a teacher always bemoaning the fact she had work stress...teaching 6 year olds! It apparently hadn't occured to her that while she stayed at school ,then college I was already working and paying tax and NI ...for a whole 6 years .Education was free and she got grants so she never worked that whole time ,she used to say she had so much to learn.Years later my sister went back to college to do the same course,she was running a home ,bringing up two kids and working in a bar evenings and weekends and still managed to finish and get a decent job.She only retired last year in her late 60's.Clearly some people idea of hard work is very different from others .

Interesting, demanding employment that involves travel is often much better paid than eg teaching

Totally agree with OP, I find it inconceivable that a mother who , probably of necessity is apart from her child in term time wouldn’t be itching to spend every moment of her holiday time with them.By the way, I was a teacher and believe me , if you work smart six weeks is more than enough time for prep!

Interesting thread. I always enjoy the jousting of ‘my job’s more stressful than your job’. Unfortunately I do think many teachers adopt a ‘woe is me’ attitude as they often, by definition, have no experience of working life outside education. My DH (self employed engineer) regularly worked virtually through the night to meet deadlines. My DS (in London finance) travels extensively to Far East with meetings scheduled all week. No extra pay of course. He is always available because of time differences and family holidays are no different. My facebook friends who are teachers are frequently posting their holiday adventures so I don’t think their lives are too bad!

whoops I should have read that and made a much shorter post. Apologies folks. it's obvious I'm unhappy with the judgemental tone of some posts here.

Hello there newmom101 - welcome to gransnet. I hope you aren't too shocked by the number of judgemental, critical comments here.
Your summary of attachment theory is accurate but it isn't new to accept that the primary attachment figure is identified between 3 - 7 months. You are right, children form a primary attachment to their primary carer, which in our society is usually the mother. Once a secure attachment is made, it's possible for the little one to make good attachments to other caring figures. That's often dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, nursery key worker/childminders who are the 'second' main carer.
My children were cared for by childminders, my preference over nursery. The children in their 30's often bump into auntie x (the child minder they were with from age 2 - 12) as they're shopping locally with their own toddlers. Queue much hugging and admiring of the toddlers auntie x has with her and the toddlers who are children of the children she cared for.
Nurseries are not the places they used to be. My grandchildren have key workers - same much hugging if they meet at the supermarket.
It's just nonsense to suggest that the children of working parents always have a rough time. Just as its nonsense to claim the children of sahp's have a better deal. It's all dependent on the levels of care offered by parents or other care givers.
Harrigran, no personal criticism of you or your adult children meant here but honestly, if children in a nursery present at you describe - take the child out instantly. I regularly collect my under three year old grandchildren from their different nurseries. I arrive to find children happily engaged in activity, or sitting around the table/picnic area eating their high tea. Their key workers are friendly, know family members well and clearly enjoy the children they key work for.

My son and DiL almost always have to take their holidays separately to fit in with child care ( they only get 4 weeks each) and I do all of the rest . How do we know that the daddy is even had holidays during the school 6 weeks?

I think it depends on the child. DD took to it brilliantly, we went for a trial and she waved at me as I left the room, waved at me when I returned but didn't want to leave as she was playing with (well chasing and licking) the other children. During her settling in period I watched her through the window before I picked her up and she was the same, she loves it there. Some kids can take to it really well and some not so well, the quality of the nursery makes a difference. DDs nursery has lower staff to child ratios than recommended so that if a child is having a bad day they get one to one attention.

Are babies really happy in a nursery ? I turned up at GD's nursery unannounced one day and found most of the babies sitting crying and looking thoroughly miserable. GD was standi g in the middle of the floor chewing her sleeve, when she saw me her little face showed such relief that I started to cry.

Why do people have children if all they want is for somebody else to look after them?

RE: attachment theory, its widely accepted that children choose a 'primary' attachment figure from around 3-7 months, but are able to form more than one attachment past this stage. So that can include another parent, grandparents or nursery staff. Putting children into nursery has not shown to have any detrimental affect on attachment to the primary figure, usually the mother. Attachment to the mother depends on her responsiveness to the babies needs. So a child being in daycare will not cause attachment issues.

As for it being a long day, that seems to be depend on people's personal opinions. At DDs nursery she will be following the same routine as at home for naps and meal times and in between will be playing, having story time and playing in the garden, just like she would at home, it's not like school so I personally don't see how it can really be a 'long day'. There is also the added benefit of other children around, which she doesn't have at home.

Some of the comments on here are so judgemental, particularly the remark of how the OPs DIL is 'doing a bad job'. As I'm sure many of you know, being a mother isn't always easy, being a working mother is harder. It's horrid to see people making comments about why did she bother to have children. I'm sure she loves her child, just like anyone else who goes to work and has to put their child in nursery, and I'm sure she has her reasons for putting him there in the holidays. But people aren't expecting her partner to be using his holiday to be there for the child are they?

The OP has said that they worry her DIL has PND, what if she does? What if she is continuing the nursery place to give her the head space to be a good mum when he's home? At least his in a place where he is well cared for. There are plenty of children in far worse situation than this, so the saying 'poor child', 'why have children', she's 'doing a bad job' is really quite uncalled for.

Personally I would want some time with him, BUT if she feels she needs the break then as he is well looked after what can you do? If you say anything it will cause trouble....and it is your son and his partner's child.

I too find this very strange. Surely this is the time to really enjoy her baby, and have some fun together. I'm sure there are ways for her to do her prep, perhaps the child could go to nursery for a couple of days a week if she feels it's necessary. She certainly doesn't sound very maternal, but there's not much you can do about it.

Teachers, nurses, social workers, lawyers, accountants etc. all leave university with huge debts. Teachers usually have a first degree at 2.1 and then go on to do the teaching qualification, often a PGTC. Any professional qualification will be expensive in tuition fees and living expenses. I don't know any students who didn't work as well as studying. It's possible to the the PGTC over 2 years part time, whilst working possibly as a Teaching Assistant, so enhancing the learning experience.
It's of course entirely possible the mother referred to in the OP has huge student debts, as does the baby's father. Little wonder neither can afford to simply give up work and be a stay at home parent.

Unlikely gilly

My DD already has student debt from her time at Uni Crystaltips so def couldn’t take on any more . She needs to earn. Will look into suggestions though. Thank you x

Would they be classed as “professional” then OldMeg

Not gdp ! Duh! GTP. ( graduate training programme)

I understand the issue, and agree, I'm surprised too.
Perhaps now that little one is settled in nursery, parents don't want to disrupt his routine.

I think it’s rather sad that a baby is in nursery for such long hours, but like most posters agree that it’s up to the parents, the child might love it and be bored at home if the mum isn’t great with entertaining babies. I was a teacher but didn’t go back to work full time till mine were at school, I used to love being at home with them during the holidays, one of the few perks of the job.
gillybob one of my DDs trained as a primary teacher in a school and was paid to train. It was called the gdp, but I think it’s got a different acronym now. It was hard the first year keeping all the evidence and writing up lesson plans, essays etc but now she’s an asssistant head in a large school and loves it. This way you get paid and don’t have student debt.

Thanks to all of those informed opinion who ‘worked in a school but not as a teacher’

Nvella, I don't think attachment theory has been dismissed completely but it has been recognised that the consistent relationship can be with more than just two people and can/will include other carers. That is why children at nursery are assigned to a 'key worker' and will build a bond with that person; similarly with a regular childminder or grandparent. That may be one reason why this Mum is reluctant to take her child out of nursery for too long.