Grandson’s nursery time

I changed jobs for this very reason! I was working in London and living in the suburbs and was fine when I could have a childminder but as DDs grew older and wanted to be at home I wanted to be able to get home quickly and easily. I found a lovely woman who came to the house as they got home and she did some ironing/prepping for the evening meal. I was just a bike ride away rather than a commuter train journey so could be home by just after 5:00! So lucky to have been able to do that.

I have to agree Franbern. If at all possible (and obviously it isn't always) it is vital to be on hand for teenagers!

Many, many years ago, when my own children were small (pre-school), I became quite friendly with a lady who had two small pre-schoolers, but also two teenage boys, the elder of which had just got into Oxford. I asked her advice on many subjects, but it what she said to me about home-parenting that has stuck with me.
she told me that babies and toddlers can have a good variety of carers, and can bond quite happily with them - however it is during the teenage years that it is most important for a parent to be at home and available to them. When a teenager says 'I need to ask/talk, etc about something'......the worst thing to do is to say something like 'okay, when I have finished peeling the potatoes/sorting out the washing. etc. etc;. That will usually result in slammed doors and no conversation.
She said that perhaps we have it all the wrong way round, good child care should be available outside the home during those pre=school years, but at least one parent should be able to be at home during the early teenage years.
This is relevant to this discussion, I am disappointed (to say the least), as to how condemnatory some of the comments in here have been about this mother (who they do not know at all - except for a couple of lines by her MiL). The child involved seems to be well looked after and happy at their nursery, shame to break their normal routine. he will still be with his parent(s) at weekends, and - on any family holiday planned with both parents.
How many of the wonderful(?) parents on here who were so happy with the time they were able to spend with their pre-schoolers were just as available to them during those teenage years.
I brought up six children, - and did find those words so very true. I was able to be a stay-at-home mum right up to the youngest started Uni. All my four daughters have returned to work after having their children - obviously for money, bus also by choice for their own sakes. Good nurseries have been used, and all my g.children seem to be well adjusted, happy, confident people.
Every family has to adapt to their own needs and circumstances - there is no 'one size fits all' - as long as a child (of all ages) knows they are loved by their parent(s), then all else will fall in place.
Definitely not the place of a g.parent to, in any way, criticise, these sort of parenting decisions taken by their Dil and Son.

I know three Headmistresses and one Headmaster, all of whom passed as much child care of their (only) child to others, grandparents, childminder and other parent.
One, very ambitious and career orientated, had been persuaded into having a child by spouse and grandparents, two had late unplanned pregnancies when well into their career, and one regarded holidays as the perk of the job, and 'me time.'
The important point is, all those children have grown up into happy, self-sufficient and well-balanced adults, with good relationships with both parents and no sense of deprivation.
The poster gave very little information about her daughter in law other than she was a teacher and a distant mother, and no information at all about her son and their marriage, therefore I think many of the comments were unduly critical.
Some children would benefit from less time with a particular parent.

Well said HildaW and mamacass and yes Iam64 i am sorry for the the little boy being so young to be away all those hours from his mum and deep down I think the majority of grans on here feel the same ...

I'm bemused by how this thread is going. Someone posts about a situation and asks opinions....er......why all the flack?
Surely offering opinions based on our own points of view, our 'judgement' is what's expected? We are given a few facts....we are asked something like 'Welcome your constructive comments' and then people reply. There will be a few odd balls but mostly people think about their own experiences and choices and offer up thoughts and comments. No one is saying 'phone social services' or 'kidnap the child'. Some people will view the situation as a perfectly acceptable solution to modern living whilst some will find the whole situation strange and just not something they are happy about. What's wrong with stating an opinion in an open forum?

We were asked for our opinion. That's pretty hard to give without making some sort of 'judgement' , isnt it?

PECs is correct, judging other people's choices really isn't on. "child cruelty" does not include putting a child in nursery, no matter how "tender hearted as regards the love and welfare of very young children"
Child cruelty is a totally different thing than loving parents who chose/prefer/need to work whilst their children are young.
Also to say "sorry don't approve of nursery that young....." is both judgemental and passive aggressive. If you don't approve of something, say so without adding "sorry" when you clearly aren't sorry at all.

Should have been child not children cruelty typo and I must add iam tender hearted as regards to the love and welfare of very young children my 5 GC had lots of love and have turned out brilliant young people 4 in uni at the moment loving kindness never harmed them .

Poor little boy 3 months passed his 1st birthday and in nursery from 7-30 till 5-30 5days a week !!! to me a Gran of 5 that amounts almost to children cruelty sorry don't approve of nursery that young .....

I was going to leave this now but old meg has made me laugh so much. I nearly choked.

I thought that was the whole point of anonymous sites? To ask/vent whatever? Get feedback and do with it what you will? Am sure there would be a LOT of grandparents, sons, daughters, aunts, cousins and neighbours (to name a few) “pissed” off by now..?. ???

If I was that parent I’d be thoroughly pissed off if my MiL had invited others to post six pages of comments about me!

Of course it’s up to the parents OldMeg and nothing anyone can or should do but original post asked for comments and she has had 6 pages of comments to peruse over

I haven’t read all the thread, but has anyone mentioned that nursery fees have to be paid anyway? You can’t just opt out for the holidays.

As far as I’m concerned it’s up to the parents.

Well, opinions were sought, and that's what people have done..

In the last line of each post!

And your point PECS is?

P.S my teacher daughter has worked f/t since her youngest child was 4yrs old. She worked p/t when youngest was almost 2. She is effectively a single parent. Other daughter runs her own business giving her flexibility that other DD does not have. She too juggles childcare for her children. Her DH works shifts so that can knock plans sideways too! Life is not easy for any young family nowadays. Judging people's choices is not really on!

Teachers do get the school closures and can take family holidays in those times and arrange all dental /medical appointments etc. then as obviously not allowed in term time. School closures of course include the same BH as other workers are entitled to so those 8 days can be discounted. Add on the usual 3 weeks annual leave most workers have and that is 4 weeks. This still leave an extra 9 weeks that makes other workers very irked! I see my DD working in school/at home for the equivalent of least one week of each long holiday and a day or 2 of each half term so that is another 4 weeks taking her actual holiday down to 5 weeks a year. She is in school by 8 at the latest and leaves just before 6. She has a 20 minute lunch break. She often works in the evening too, attends school events at the weekend and evening. I am not saying that she has it tougher than other workers I am pointing out it is not dissimilar nor a doddle.

“Pass Off their kids to nurseries, nannies” - this thread reads in many places like The Judgement of the Grumpy Grannies”.

Sielha: Lots of differing opinions. I hope you have found some of them helpful.

Fact is: we all bring up our children as we think fit. I don't necessarily understand why a mother would not want to spend as much time as they can with their only child when they have time off.....BUT if that is her wish...so be it!

Maybe you could ask to have your GS for a few days each week? Even if nursery fees have to be paid?

My only negative comment was "Why do some people feel teachers have more stress than other occupations?" This was answered in two parts - the teachers or ex teachers amongst us who feel they can't cope with the stress (as their day doesn't end at 3 p.m.) Yep nobody said it did but neither do many other jobs and those who understand that ALL jobs bring stress and children have to be managed in the equation.

I don't feel comments like "why did she have him" are helpful t.b.h. Lots of people do pass their kids off to nannies, nurseries and such like and that's all the children know!

As you are concerned Sielha, maybe you can step in? Either way, it really is best not to voice your concerns to your Son and DIL as it will only cause friction.

I must be losing my mojo but I found the "why didn't she just get a cat" comment offensive and unnecessary.

"And why is looking after your own children today considered as 'so hard'?"

ask the OPs son maybe?

I am with Harigran, I don't understand women having children then farming them out to others to be brought up. And why is looking after your own children today considered as 'so hard'? It's just something you do.

But, as others have said OP, I would bite my tongue and just try and enjoy your time with your grandson.

Can’t imagine why she ever had a child

presumably it was a joint decision with the OP's son, is anyone going to ask why HE had kids since he isnt using up his leave on taking the summer off to take the kid out & about either!