Mental health

Someone I knew recently took their life ..

My heart goes out to everyone who has lost a loved one to mental illness- Its so sudden and unexpected, a numbing life altering loss -

I've one with bipolar - So I can relate to the unfiltered outbursts that arise while they are working through issues - And, yes, it can be difficult to endure- But it's not who they are as a person, it's a result of what they are going through- I listen until what's being said is BS- Not that what they feel is BS but when what's being said isn't true - Then I firm up -- and if it continues I bow out of the discussion altogether or exhaust them with the truth- As far as the other issue is concerned, I think everyone has some fear when it comes to losing loved ones - Sometimes no amount of kindness will save a life-

"kathsue* My brother did the same thing many years ago. He was also 24. There was no help then.

I've wanted to contribute to this thread for a while but every time I tried I ended up in tears. I'm feeling stronger today so here goes.
My daughter had MH problems all through her teenage years until she took her own life aged 24. She saw counsellors, doctors and a psychologist for her anxiety and depression but didn't get a proper diagnosis until a couple of months before she died. I feel so sad that all these professionals did not help her.
If we'd had a diagnosis earlier I might have been able to talk to people instead of bottling it up. My DH was less than useless and I felt very much alone, unsupported and helpless. There were times of hope and times of utter despair with no-one to turn to. Pity GN wasn't around then.
I've had a lot of counselling over the last few years and now I can see the whole picture and have stopped blaming myself so much.
Thanks for listening. to all who are suffering.

Not over yet my heart goes out to you. My teenage Dgd is struggling with anxiety problems and is getting professional help. Dd is doing her best to cope with the situation but she is also now showing signs of stress and has had a major fallout with my Ds. This has now escalated between my Ds and myself. I am just trying to support Dd as best I can as she is getting a lot of abuse from ex sil but this is upsetting Ds who believes that I should be paying more attention to him and his family. As has been said before on here, this is splitting our family apart and I cannot see an end to it. Thank you all for being there.

notoveryet you are in a nightmare, so much grief and worry added to it. Please ,please take care of yourself, basics ,eating , sleeping when you can, and cry if you want to, or rage, releases stifled emotions,

grandmainOz I am so sorry, yes you have to be involved, your child and grandchild .

Everyone keep sharing, we can all listen and understand x

My granddaughter has been assessed by the crisis team and admitted to hospital We were told that the staff knew it to be inevitable that she would have a complete breakdown but there was not the funding to intervene before it happened. I'm feeling near the end of my strength, my husband died 2 weeks ago and my life is a nightmare.

Hey ladies, how is everyone doing? megan you're having a difficult time. I do feel for you.
annie you and I have been through such a similar experience, although my DS didn't have children, he was younger than your Catherine. My DD who has recently had the new diagnosis has a little one who is himself going through the process of a possible autism diagnosis, so I have no choice but to be very involved.
My love never wavers, but my strength, energy and patience definitely dip often.
Wishing everyone the very best

I have come late to this thread, but I express my sympathies to all who are affected . My sister became ill when she was about 15, and I know the toll it took on my parents’ lives over many years. The relief when she was finally taken into a suitable Home was evident, as they had given so much of themselves to support her through her difficult times. They only ever came to me once for Christmas, ie once she was in the Home, as they had always been there for my sister in previous years. They were uttterly worn out.

Our parents are no longer here. Now she is very ill again and back in hospital. A couple of years ago she finally had to come off the one drug that worked for her as it was affecting her immune system. They will try other drugs to get her stable but they only have minimal effect. Her children have come through their difficult childhood and have their own lovely families.
Mental illnesss affects so many of us, and the provision nowadays is abysmal.

Just remember we are all in this together megan , we so understand x

Thank you for your kindness and understanding Annie.
You have lovely granddaughters.

megan please don’t apologise for being so unhappy and hurt and I am sure exhausted. Yes it is so hard at times to separate the two.

May I share this ? My grandchildren were so young when my daughters illness caused her to leave the family home, the girls were 9 and 11. They were bewildered, hurt, angry, the mother they adored had become a stranger.

They refused to speak of her as Mum, when I said ‘your Mum’ the reply was Catherine?

Last Monday my elder granddaughter was here for the
weekend, the day before she had sent me a close up photograph of her and her sister. She said ‘what did you think of the photograph?’, I said ‘I have the two most beautiful granddaughters in the world’ then she said ‘Grannie do you think I look like MUM?’ I said ‘yes you do ‘, then she said
‘You always said she could light up a room and my boss said
the same to me last week and I remembered you said the same about me’ , I had to hold back the tears ,then she said
‘I have started to remember Mum when she was fun before the illness, her illness took her away from us ‘.

So Megan , hold onto that my love and remember we are hear for you, we can’t take away your pain but we can certainly understand and share x

Well here we go again. Screaming and shouting on the telephone. I was expecting it, my daughter moved units on Monday and seemed ok but today back to how it was. I look back on my life and just see all of this having gone on for years and years without any let up. At 70 plus I know it is never going to be any different. I try to look at it as two separate issues, like Annie said, the illness and the person but sometimes it is just so hard. I just run out of words to say to her, I just try my best but its been meaningless really. Sorry just feel so fed up at the moment.
The prayer you put up for peace throughout the me world made me cry and cry. I don't like the world we live in and I don't like the one I inhabit at the moment.
Sorry just needed to put it down.

maddy living in the Welsh mountains I use to go up on one and rant,no one to hear (a few sheep and couple of mountain ponies), the fear, anger, hurt, despair, poured out.
Keeping these in they eat away at us . However we choose to let these emotions out it’s better than keeping them locked in. I expect God use to put his fingers in ears ! .

It’s good you had a councillor , and we are hear for you, to listen and to care.

Sending you a Welsh cwtch, and love x

Thank you again everyone. You’re right Annie, when the bad times come I feel exhausted by it, and I feel as if I can’t have a retirement after the many years of working. But others have far worse things to bear, I try to remind myself of that when things are quiet and I can think rationally. Then I remember that others have lost children, lost husbands, become divorced and lonely, have illnesses to contend with themselves or with other close family members. When things are quiet I try very hard to both think of others and to think that things are improving in my own family.
I have attended councelling which has helped me, I’ve learned to calm myself with quiet deep breathing and with quiet meditation, but I’m still learning and needing practise. I also have faith, but not as strong as yours Annie. I would advise anyone suffering to seek out councelling for themselves. The quality of the councellor matters, the one I found was excellent. I didn’t go to the GP as some previous councelling through official routes was unsatisfactory, so I had a long talk with my lady on the phone followed by a two hour introduction to see if we both felt she could be helpful. I preferred an older lady, one in my own age group, as I felt as well as her training she had life experiences under her belt. She’s been helpful.
Please PM me if you feel you need support, I have received wonderful understanding and support from others on Gransnet and from PMs.

megan123 thankyou for your kind message. I'm wishing you strength, too. It's exhausting isn't it?

Maddy glad things have settled a little for you. Take care.

GrandmainOz I am glad you have a different psychiatrist for your daughter. This was what brought some light into my daughter's life. A different perspective is sometimes all that is needed, some have very entrenched views and you are just floundering along. My daughter moved house and consequently came under a different Team, it was all that was required. We still struggle and I am expecting things to go pear shaped very shortly when she moves to a different unit, but it will pass.
I wish you well along this hard and lonely road, keep strong

maddy how I wish I could tell you there is a magic wand to solve your pain. All I can say is do all you can to stay strong and don’t give up hope, both can be difficult I know.
And share here x

Thank you for your replies, please come on this thread if you feel down and full of despair. I come back to it quite often and always receive support from lovely, caring gransnetters. It does make a difference just knowing others are going through similar and I often feel much worse than I am.
Our situation has settled for the moment again, thank goodness, after a weekend I don’t want to repeat. My poor little grandchildren, it’s so unfair for them, it’s heartbreaking.
Thank you Annie, Smiley, Bridgeit, GrandmainOz, and Grannyactivist, I have received PMs previously as other Gransnetters have reached out to me, and please any of you PM me if you need a caring ear. We all have to struggle on, and enjoy the good things in our lives. I have a good husband, other loving children, caring friends, and a good life. This is far more than many, many other people, including many Gransnetters. So many Gransnetters have lost a child, this must be one of the worst things in life to endure, a pain I can only guess at. Every episode of my daughter’s knocks me back, as it does for all of you ladies who are also struggling, but when things are quiet I try to get on with my life and appreciate my many benefits. But I really appreciate all the Gransnetters who have offered support when times are tough, and I hope I can do the same for anyone struggling.

It's the relentlessness of it that is so wearing, isn't it? We all need to hope and believe that something will change for the better, but with so many swingeing cuts to even the basic MH services now I fear that those of us who are caring for people with a mental illness are simply howling at the moon.

?and these for you too GrandmainOz

I lost one AC to mental illness. Another has been all over the place for years. Several suicide attempts etc. She saw a psychiatrist AT LAST a few days ago who has given her a completely different diagnosis from previous doctors/psych wards.
She has begun medication and is seeing a new psychologist.
We have been to hell and back, the whole family, but the burden of responsibility is always mine. Small GC involved now so I can't step back even now.
Seven years of grief since this all began with first AC. I'm exhausted and now have MH issues of my own.
Sorry, just whinging really, but longwinded way of saying I do understand and sympathise

Yes definitely, please don’t hesitate. Often it is far more difficult & stressful coping with our loved ones situations than our own . Best wishes
.