Mental health

I have been through this myself and I know how absolutely draining and also frightening it can be.
You need support just as much as your AC. In my case I found very little out there.
If you need to talk to someone then PM me or some other ladies on here. This is a subject very close to my heart. And I truly empathise with you. Big hug for you. Xx

maddy it was the same for me with my daughter, one element of her illness acknowledged and no further help .

It is isn’t it Annie. Thank you Annie and Megan for your kindness. Everything is settled down now again, but it was pretty horrible weekend.
I know the depressive element of my daughter’s illness is much improved, but the other element is simply not being treated. It’s so frustrating. Unfortunately it’s the other element that causes the most trouble. Our family has been split asunder, much as yours was Annie. So sad. I’m also desperately unhappy for the very young children involved, their distress was so evident over the weekend. I want to protect them but I can’t. These recurring situations must be so difficult for them, they are so young, I love them so much and I can’t protect them, only try to mitigate their distress a little.

Maddy I am so sorry, it’s a constant strain isn’t it ? X

sending you (((hugs))) Maddy. It feels like a roller coaster I know. Keep strong, rest, and try to take your mind off the situation for a time - do something you want to do. I try to do some craft, read or anything to give my mind a rest. It is so hard. It will pass xx

Here we go again! More trouble and strife with my daughter. I just feel so down with it all. Had enough. Hope all of you who are also struggling are feeling at least okay at the moment.

I know I'm like cracked record on repeat but - austerity, cuts to all public services are continuing alongside what feels like an epidemic in mental health problems amongst our children and adults.
Meanwhile, Brexit dominates discussion in Parliament. I recognise Brexit is hugely important but it's not acceptable to destroy services when they are needed.

My own daughter has to pay for her psychologist and councellor, luckily the same person who is qualified in both areas. Her psychiatrist was NHS provided under our area’s Post Natal provision. She was seen at home by the psychiatrist, but as soon as she was one year post natal that ended. She has been seeing the psychologist for almost a year, and whilst improved, things remain difficult. It seems MH provision is patchy, varying area to area. Proper provision shouldn’t be a post code lottery in my opinion.

I do agree with Iam about the paucity of services, especially for young people who are afflicted with mental illness. The GC in question has been forced into going private. This should not happen.

I do think it is particularly hard for parents - this is the the child whom you brought up, cared for and love with all your heart. And suddenly they seem like another person - someone you do not recognise, or even (at times) like.

One thing that helped me when DD was so ill was speaking openly about it. As I did when depression knocked at my door. I just felt that the principle of not sweeping mental illness under the carpet was important, as well as the support that was forthcoming. I was surprised at how receptive people were and hope very much that this means that attitudes are beginning to change for the better.

We are all currently challenged by teenage GC who is suffering with anxiety and depression in a very serious way that could be life-threatening. What I find hardest here is that the direction of treatment is out of my hands and biting my tongue is so hard. I know what I would be doing, but cannot foist this on the parents. If love could be the cure there is buckets of it - but sometimes that is not enough.

As the OP says, mental health problems in one family member affect those closest first but also, the wider family. It can cause relationships to become fractured, as it did for anniebach and also, within my family. The increase in m.h. problems, as well as our society's greater willingness to talk about it is changing the way sufferers and loved ones are views. Sadly, it isn't leading to more accessible m.h. services for so many.

notoveryet. It was the same for me, I couldn’t/ wouldn’t cease contact with my daughter so my extended family ceased contact with me. It’s a lonely road isn’t it ? Rather like being in a place you don’t know, no road map, no sign posts,
I just kept going . I am so very sorry you are in the same place. X

Awful day yesterday, granddaughter has left me feeling so hurt and defeated. I know it's the illness affecting her but I just feel wiped out. There's people here who understand, not many do, and friends are urging me just to cease contact with her, which I will never do.

Thankyou, maddyone that's a powerful story. I do wish you well. I know that feeling of walking on eggshells that you must be experiencing with your daughter. You must be terribly worried about the little ones. I hope you have support, including the counselling mentioned by Alexa above

If you can afford the fees I recommend a qualified psychologist . Counselling is cheaper and often a help too.

Thank you for asking GrandmainOz, things bob along in our family, punctuated by my daughter’s rages and moods. When things are quiet I feel okay, when we have an eruption I get quite upset. The rages disturb me and make me feel anxious. I also worry for the very young children in the equation, who have witnessed these outbursts, and I feel that if it makes me feel anxious, how on earth do they feel?

I’m so sorry for your loss, to lose a child is absolutely awful. I think when you explain to the young children what has happened, you will find that they are very resilient. As they didn’t know your son they will be interested but not involved directly. However, do not hide your grief because they will learn about love and your family from your talking about your son.

My grandmother lost two of her brothers in WW1. When I was a child she used to talk about them to me, and show me photos, their medals and so on. Sometimes she cried as she told me about them, and I saw her grief fifty years after their deaths. I learnt about love and grief from my grandmother. Now on Armistice Day I remember for her as obviously she is no longer with us. These two people who died many years before I was born are real to me, and that is because my grandmother always spoke of them, made them real, and allowed me to see her grief.

I hope this little story helps you GrandmotherOz.

It was wrong of me GrandmainOz, I was trying to explain how families are affected when a member of the family has a mental illness .

Maddyone, I was wondering how things are going for you?

Absolutely nothing to apologise for, anniebach! That wasn't a rant. You're just expressing very complex and upsetting feelings. Photographs can be a minefield in my experience. Personally I still can't bear them, but hope that may change one day. And everyone has different views on how to handle the children, don't they? At the moment, my daughters, eldest son, and I are discussing what we will say to their wee ones (born after DS death) when they eventually ask questions. Not the same as your so very painful situation where the children have lost their own mother. I hope you and your family can find a way to navigate this. Best wishes

So much for avoiding photographs. My mother in law went into a care home last Monday,my sister in law is sorting out the house, sent a pile of photographs to my younger daughter who emailed lots to me. Photographs of my elder daughter when she was well with her children, they were sent to my elder granddaughter too, she said she has never seen them, my son in law sorted out all the photographs in my elder daughters house, he has them locked away, he can’t look at them so his children can’t see them, younger daughter is now on a mission to show my grandchildren how happy they all were as a family . One photograph was of my darling daughter just after the birth of her first baby, so much love showing in her face, brought back to me the memory of that morning, her holding her first born , her big blue eyes filled with tears, ‘ oh Mum, I wish daddy could see him’,

I felt hatred , never hate but I did yesterday, I hated the mental illness which took her life, robbed my grandchildren of a mother who adored them, robbed my son in law of the wife he adored, robbed my younger daughter of her only sibling, robbed me of the brightest light in my life,

Rant over ,sorry .

Personality is very important and this is where mental health treatment fails.

I've just read through this thread, so many people struggling but continuing to love and try to support their children who have mental health problems.
Maddyone has suggested her much loved adult child may have personality as well as mental health problems. There have been previous discussions on the possible influence of personality on behaviour when people ares suffering from mental health problems. Some people aren't comfortable with considering the influence of personality. My personal and work experience mean I do see personality as important.

Annie - I'll be thinking of you as your daughter's birthday arrives and sending positive thoughts x

Anniebach, I will think of you on Monday. Birthdays are so tough. And I certainly know what you mean about looking at photos!!
Maddyone, awareness of mental health seems to be improving so much, and with the right treatment people DO get better. I have. I'm not the person I was before, but I am strong, I am loving and available to my family and I know how deeply they value me. So not all stories end in tragedy.
Don't lose hope, and equally, don't lose YOURSELF in this dreadful time. I know it's impossible to see a way through right now, but who knows what the future will bring? I wish you the strength you badly need at this time.
Anniebach lots of love to you on Monday. The passage of time doesn't make the "big" days any easier, does it?

maddy. You are struggling with it now, you need help and support. Don’t let what happened in my family affect your hope for your daughters recovery x

Annie, so very sorry, these few days will be a difficult time for you. I wish I could do something other than speak on here, but I am thinking of you.

You’re right, this illness causes immense pain and grief to all concerned. It never goes away.