Mental health

Notoveryet and seasider, I’m so sorry to hear of your difficulties. I started this thread because I was at my wits end, and the number of people who have responded to say they are struggling has surprised me, but also saddened me. I’m saddened by the fact that so people are struggling due to the poor mental health of their loved ones. I have received a lot of support from some Gransnetters who have privately messaged me, and also from others on the thread.
I have found councelling helpful, I’m still going to my councellor. I’ve also read a lot around this problem, and although I’m not a doctor, I think it very possible that my daughter, and another close relative, are probably suffering from a personality disorder. I think it could be Borderline Personality Disorder. The mood swings and outbursts you describe seasider, are a main feature of this particular disorder, and crucially so is a close relative with the same condition. Seasider, you describe your DH and son as having similar behaviours.
I’m still in a very bad place re my daughter, I had thought things were improving, but it seems I was wrong. At the moment I’m avoiding having too much contact with her, which leaves her poor, ever suffering father to take the flak. Avoidance at the moment is the only way I can cope with it. Hopefully eventually I’ll feel more able to cope with her.

My DP has suffered with MH issues for years but it is starting to get worse and our teenage son is now enduring the mood swings and outbursts. I want to protect my son but that will mean walking away. I finally spoke to a counsellor last week who asked me why I never asked for help. I have spent years trying to "cover" for DP and making excuses for his behaviour but I have had enough.
DP lost his job a few years ago. He had never told his employers about his MH problems because of the stigma. With hindsight he may not have lost his job if they had known. He is working again now but in a much less responsible role.
The doctor once said he was at high risk of suicide ( never shown any evidence) it was really just his age. I was told I had to watch him. What a responsibility !

I don't know if any of you also feel you have lost yourselves. My life now just seems narrowed down to her and her needs. I couldn't begin to tell you what actually makes me happy any more. Sorry to go on a bit but it's helped to even write this.

It's heartbreaking. My granddaughters mental health issues have affected my retirement and all our savings have gone on supporting her to keep a roof over her head. I have been awake for hours thinking I just can't go on. My thoughts are with all of you walking this painful path.

Sending hugs to everyone on the thread, so many of us have this cross to bear.

Tenzina, so sorry to hear you’re having difficulties. It does go on and on doesn’t it.

You’re right Annie, at times it feels like a very lonely path, even when other people are around you.

You’re very kind megan, but I’m afraid I’m not a lovely mum. Maybe to my other children I am, but to this child, I get so fed up and down, and angry with it all, so at times I have to distance myself from her, it’s the only way to cope.

tenzina I feel what you are going through and I do think you yourself should talk to someone about it. I never did, I just carried on for years, and it absolutely wears you out, I am sure had I had some counselling at the time it would have helped me with the worry, the guilt and the feeling of hopelessness. As Annie has said it is a very long and lonely road.

Sending (((hugs))) to you and yours.

tenzina

Maddy so sorry to hear what you are going through. It is the most difficult thing to deal with and my heart goes out to you. MIND as mentioned above can help, there are experts there who will get back to you if you contact them. The worry is enormous, but you are strong and your daughter has a lovely mum who cares.

Keep strong, look after yourself and accept what professional help is available. Sending you (((hugs))).

maddy. I am so very sorry , it is a very lonely path.

I have a similar problem, and it has put a massive strain on our finances. If an adult child cannot contribute financially through no fault of their own, it is harder to be 'tough' and it it is affecting my relationship with my husband. I am at my wit's end and have never had counselling to deal with it all, has been going on for 25 years.

Hello again to those you who have contributed to this thread. I’m just wondering how you all are getting on, and giving a short update on my situation.

I really thought DD was improving, and I’m sure her PN depression is very much improved, but two recent incidents have reminded me that this is long, long term. In fact, although I am not a doctor, I take issue with her diagnosis, not the PN depression, the other diagnosis, and having read a lot about the subject, I feel that there is a Personality Disorder in the mix. Sadly, many behaviours are so very similar to another family member who does have a Personality Disorder.

It’s hard going, yesterday I had a little cry after another unpleasant outburst.

Do let me know how you are getting on with your own difficulties, it’s such a difficult and at times, lonely path to walk.

To Jane10 - I hope my last posts haven't seemed flippant. I know your experiences are more uptodate than mine. I used to work in mental health with young people, ages ago.
I think we have to use all sources available to help, practical and spiritual.

Fennel thank you . Brave elephant, didn’t give up

Yes Psalm 27 , 1st and last verse

Don't give up Annie. Remember the last verse of psalm 27 . And this inspiring video, the DM gets some good stories too:
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6480727/Trapped-elephant-clambers-canal-rescuers-throw-ingenious-ladder.html?ito=video_player_click

It’s good you are seeing a counsellor maddy, I start seeing one this week but I fear it’s ten yesrs too late.

Hello Twiceasnice, I do have a good friend who I talk to, and I have just started councelling myself. I’m very sorry to hear about your friend, but it does sound as if you are supporting her well. Times can be tough when there are mental health issues, but we are going through a fairly stable patch at the moment. There’s always the fear that it will suddenly deteriorate, but we must all take it one day at a time, I think.
I hope all the others on this thread find they have a little peace through the festive season.

My God daughter has more than one complex mental health issue and is very difficult to live with sometimes. I have supported her and her mother ( my best friend) all her life, she is now 29. She has a support worker and a CPN and has been hospitalised many times in psychiatric care , often because she has tried to kill herself. She is more stable at the moment and has gone from supported living to a small flat for herself just around the corner from her mother. The diagnoses took a long time to be realised and it is so worrying so you have all my sympathy. My friend had counselling for herself which she found helpful and I always support her. Do you have a close friend who understands you can offload to ? The Samaritans is also always available

Thank you so much grannyactivist and Annie. You are both so kind. I did indeed see the real girl today.

maddy, hold onto the visit this morning , your daughter is still there underneath the illness , you saw your daughter this morning not the illness. I learned to seperate the two, when times were realy grim it was the illness not my ‘sunshine daughter ‘. X

maddy I'm so pleased for you. Those 'normal' interludes give some hope for the future.

I think it’s similar to being the mother of a child who has been abducted, the mother keeps searching for their lost child.
Annie that is so, so true - we remember the people they were when they were well and sometimes we glimpse that person again and grieve for what might have been if this dreadful illness had not taken over.

I should have said, for the first time in a very long time, my daughter and baby grandson turned up at our house this morning, totally uninvited, and we had a pleasant half hour with her and the baby. She was smiley and happy, and baby adorable (as always.) She hasn’t called in uninvited for so, so long, it was a little taste of how she could be before.
Thank you for all your good wishes and prayers.
I continue to hope and pray for all of those of you who are similarly affected.

Maybe this will give those of you who are going through similar some hope, because my dear daughter seems to be quite a lot improved. I pray this will continue.

Thank you Jane. xx

Thanks maddyone. I'll try to do my best to be as supportive as possible. Best wishes to you too. It's a sair fecht as we say up here.

It’s true nina , well it was for me, I kept fighting, praying, hoping for the return of ‘the sunshine of my life’ , the illness had taken it from me