Autism

@Sielha Your grandson sounds exactly as mine did at the same age. My daughter got the health visitor round to see him and she realised straight away that he was autistic. My daughter had a diagnosis for him by two and a half. He is now thirteen. He couldn’t cope in mainstream school and moved to a special school at the beginning of year one. He learned to speak within a month of being there. His speech will never be fluent, but it’s good enough. He is a strange mixture of being age appropriate and having the mental age of about four. His twin siblings who are six are more advanced than him, yet he makes films, edits them, does voice-overs and records his own composition music. He prefers his own company and even on his birthday opened his presents and retired to his room! You grandson will have his own skill set and some difficulties, but you have to go with the flow and adapt to what he can cope with. Good luck and don’t forget that disability living allowance and carer’s allowance is available once he is diagnosed and they have helped my daughter immensely to be able to cope financially.

Sending you warm thoughts & wishes Sielha. I too am in the same position with my GS who is older, 2 1/2 now. I am a retired primary school teacher so have had experience on pupils on the AS in my class. Ive had my worries about DGS for about 12 mths now, mainly driven by his lack of language, hardly any words by this age sounds alarm bells. He is otherwise a happy little chappy, points to objects, understands everything & is a delight. Parents seem to be in denial so i dare’nt raise it myself, just hope the nursery pick it up. Keep smiling, as all the other posts say it’s a steep learning curve but not the end of the world. Keep us posted on the outcome.

What a lovely way to describe it, sandwichgeneration. Thank you.

To those of you worried about lack of language - there was another thread recently about that. It was mentioned that boys are slower than girls to develop language, and this goes on for some years. Affecting reading ability too.
Their brains seem to be wired differently. I notice everyone on here mentions boys, not girls.
Ask for advice by all means, but try to be patient. Children sense adult anxiety. Sometimes young children have a sudden spurt in one area of development.

sandwichgeneration That is such thought provoking piece of writing and so true. It is applicable to all the different life experiences we face. Thank you.

ps and thanks from me too, sandwich generation.
One of ours was diagnosed as ........ various quite serious things. As an adult.
But he has made the most of his other abilities, is married and has a lovely (adopted) family. TG.

I understand. I was in shock for months after I saw my first grandaughter showing the traits. entranced by Spinning, only being calmed by physically being tossed and hugged by father, ignoring name, no eye contact, mute it came out of the blue. She is now 6. Is lovely but my problem is that neither of her parents will acknowledge her condition. They say she is shy, etc etc. I kind of know what they are saying not wanting labels and luckily she has a younger sister who is neurotypical and they adore each other. But we can't talk about it. So you are not in this position, there are lots of books and support and as someone else said - Chris Packham. And you can help each other. I think other ways of seeing and understanding are fascinating indeed. Feel your way.

SANDWICHGENERATION (I don't k ow how to get the bold letters...)
Many parents of sp needs children HATE the Holland story. When you're dealing with some tough stuff it's so sweet and twee.
Our son died in his sleep at 18. (Sudden death in epilepsy). He had a rare chromo disorder. One of worst affected. Those on more able spectrum have autism. Its often part of a 'package'.
I don't mean to sound horrible about the Holland story but within our parents group we had pet hates, this being one, plus 'God knew you'd be good parents for him', lots more God involved, often with sad creepy voice.
OP you sound like a lovely Granny. One day at a time

Sielha, if no-one has mentioned this upthread, you might like to watch BBC 'The A word':

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0759b0c

sandwich
Thank you so much for posting that poem. It's such a wonderful analogy, it brought a tear to my eye.

A friend has a daughter who has Down Syndrome and a younger son who is autistic. They have both grown into lovely young adults and are currently both at college. Yes, they have needed a lot of support over the years but their parents are (rightly) very proud of what their children have and are achieving. It might help to join a support group - there are ones for parents/children/grandparents or multi level ones open to anyone. Hope your DGS and DD get the support they will need x

Bridgedsdaughter O'm surprised at your groups feelings for the Holland story but of course you are all entitled to your opinion.

BTW to get bold print type * nina * without the spaces nina

Also have autistic GS. At the moment it is thought 1-100 people are on the spectrum. Could be more as girls are better at covering up and copping with the social interaction.

Yes, we do have to maybe change out vision for the child, and they may need more of our time, love and friendship. We have to learn their ways but really we have to do that with everyone.

I love the post by sandwichgeneration.

Poem ??? Silly me, it's a story

I don’t care for the Holland story either.
When your eight year old is screaming and punching you in the face ( for example) it’s hard to put up with anything a bit twee.
Not all autistic children will do that of course, some will do worse and others better.
For my DD and son, it’s not a matter of delightfully quirky,
It’s anger/meltdowns/ fear / physical abuse/ verbal abuse at times.
On top of that, much worry for his future when all of us aren’t around anymore.

I like the Holland story too. But I do find inspiration in lots of quote. I don’t feel it’s set out to minimise anybody’s feelings or experiences rather just pointing out we can’t always plan, as life is full of twists and turns. Setting off on another path is not always the disappointment at first feared. Well that’s what I get from it anyway and totally agree.

I am so pleased that other posters see the other side to the story as I posted upthread.
To see my GS crying every night because no-one in his class will play with him because he is such a serious child is heart breaking for his parents.

Sielha, at least your family are aware there is a problem so can start strategising and learning about how to facilitate your GS being the best adult he can be. My GS is the same, coming up to 3 and his parents are in complete denial although as I was at a meeting held with a speech therapist, I was able to subtly push for assessment which he has soon. I think my DS knows but doesn't want to face it because he will have to browbeat his DW into facing it. It's a very difficult situation. My grandson has all the red flags your DGS has so I know how much you will be worried. I sometimes feel quite sick with worry but I am sure, whatever is wrong, we will cope in the long run.

We've been there ann.
Our son has never had a true friend. All through school he was lonely and as a teen there were a couple of boys who used him (getting him to buy beers etc) for a few months until I found out and talked to him about it. He decided to cut contact.
It is heartbreaking to see a 27 y.o. who has zero social life and no job.

nina thanks

I know a little about autism, though not from personal experience, and Jane10’s post is excellent. But yes, Seilha, we grannies do have a lot to deal with!

I quite like the Holland/Italy analogy. Whether we like it or not, it is apt. My son ( now 43 ) has Down's Syndrome, and when we were told, we were, of course, disappointed and upset. At that point, we had a normal, healthy two year old daughter, and we were happy with our lives. My attitude was that we hadn't lost anything that we already had ie our lovely daughter, our parents and siblings or our good health and reasonable security. We had received 'something' that wasn't what we expected, so we had to accept and adapt - and rise to the challenge. That overriding thought of not having lost the joys in our lives kept me going during sad and difficult days. So, we didn't get to Italy, but we at least were able to go to Holland.

Hope your husband is well along the road to recovery. Personally I would try to think of a friend you can share things with.
Regarding DGS, contact local CAMHS (Child and adolescent mental health service) and find out what is available re diagnosis, support and special nursery provision. (This may vary from area to area) If they refer you to local authority, take the name of the person you are talking to, ask for a name or job title and phone number of who you should contact.
I'm sure I heard something today on BBC radio news about trying to get CAMHS help down to 4 weeks.
Be pro-active and good luck.

I agree with Doodle although frankly, I've no experience of Autism in family or friends.
Please don't serve yourself a huge helping of worry. Things pan out in the best way possible if you just do what you can and surmount obstacles when you reach them.
I wish you and your family all the very best and your husband a speedy recovery.

Good luck, hope your husband gets better soon and things start to improve all round for you - all of us Grans and Nans are rooting for you xx