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DIL v DIL

(27 Posts)
Millie8 Sun 05-Aug-18 22:57:43

Any advice please...
Son 1 has lived with girlfriend for 7 years.
Son 2 met girlfriend 2 years ago.
Couple 1 got engaged before couple 2 but couple 2 got married first.
Couple 1 are getting married next month and son 2 is best man.
Problem is this:
I had Dil 2 on phone in tears today as she thinks DiL 1 has an issue with her as shes been making comments about being jealous about them getting married first and only being together 2 years, about them having a cheap wedding and spending money thriftly (like my husband) and other comments putting couple 2 down. We have heard some of these comments but as they've been made in joking way and seemed to have been taken as such, have not said anything.
I am very easy going and dont get offended easily and I wonder if DiL2 is being a bit sensative (she's now talking about not going to the wedding) and DiL 1 is a bit thoughtless and likes being the centre of attention.
I dont want this to cause a rift, my H and stepmother didnt talk for 8 years and it was awful. We will tactfully say something if this happens in our presence and I dont know how to resolve this without making matters worse.
I would be very grateful to know your views and has anyone been in the same situation?

Greengal Sun 12-Aug-18 00:57:17

I'm sorry you and DH feel caught in the middle, Millie. What a dilemma! Criticize DIL1 and you risk a rift with her and DS1. But brush her comments off as "nothing" and you risk hurting DIL2 and a possible rift with her and DS2. Wow.

I would have opted for sympathizing with DIL2's feelings and validating her choices, while saying nothing to DIL1. However, it looks like you've already committed to "saying something" to DIL1 if these remarks are made in your presence. If that happens, I hope you say only something like, "Well, everybody's different" or "Different things work for different people" or ""To each their own" - and then change the subject as fast as possible. DIL2 might prefer if you criticized DIL1's comments, but I think the consequences of that might be too negative, so I wouldn't chance it. Hopefully, no such nasty comments will be made in front of you, "joking" or otherwise.