What do you think

We are fortunate that we will not be on our uppers to write it off. And yes it is only because the need for the house has gone that the return of the deposit comes into question.

However I do feel the need to Speak of my disappointment to the partner. Our paths cross about once a week. My dh will tell me to leave it.

Thank you for your supportive comments. I was starting to doubt myself. My dh says to forget it that ‘no good ever came of bad money. ‘. And that Karma will out.
We are talking a substantial 5 figure sum that was a 10% deposit.

I guess I feel we’re being taken advantage of (albeit legally) by someone we cared for and was part of our family for over a decade.
And indeed we had lent

I just feel so sad and let down that this person can do this to us seemingly without conscience.

You are right. Much depends on how much you lent. If it was a large amount (and I imagine it was knowing the price of even quite small properties), you should quite definitely pursue the matter. If it wasn't too much, I might take a different view.

It depends also, I guess, on your own financial position.

I hope you get your money, or at least some of it, back.

coolgran morally the money is yours, but if you can afford financially to let it go, then let it go. There’s a saying that you should only lend money that you can afford to lose.
Perhaps take some consolation from the fact that in taking this stance, the partner is showing their true colours, and it’s better that your offspring has found this out at a relatively early stage, rather than wasting half a lifetime on them.

I agree with everyone else. Morally that money should be returned to you. I imagine it was understood at the time that the money was, however loosely, a loan and that you signed a document to the effect that it was a gift only because this was a requirement of the mortgage company.
Had the couple stayed together and therefore were still occupying the house, then I'm sure you would happily let it go and perhaps they would repay the loan at some future, maybe distant, date, or maybe not at all. However, they now have no need of the house, and therefore no need of the deposit money. It should unquestionably be returned to you in full, and I am astonished that the partner thinks otherwise. What an absolute cheek

Coolgran
Have sent you a PM.

Absolutely you should get your money back, it was given/lent very kindly for a house and if that house no longer exists it should rightly come back to you

Yes, you are right in my view OP,( morally )you gave the deposit so they could buy that actual house.After it is sold it would be the decent thing to return the full amount to you.

Morally you should get it back so must assume the partner has no morals. I know it is early days but do try to let it go or you will be so full of bitterness it will make you very unhappy and your daughter will feel guilty as it was her partner.