Birthday blues

I'm afraid to say i'd consider this laziness and taking you for granted. He could have made something and picked a posy of flowers if he'd forgotten. Nothing to do with being romantic but valuing you. Please don't be revengeful, be honest. Let him know how hurt you are. Small things are so important in relationships and this thoughtlessness, disregard and discourtesy is appalling. Hope he bought Champagne in the evening and said how sorry he was. No excuse I have to say.

*MawBroon
*I feel special every day, not one day a year but then, everyone has their own expectations.

Silver lady - I make the big fuss myself. Buy the card and pressant from my dear husband. Mothers day the same. If I did’nt I would be so dissapointed and upset. My husband try’s but is rubbish at it. I remind family of all birthdays and to send cards.

I’m so proud of my sons who go out of their way to spoil their ladies and make them feel special with lovely personal, thoughtful gifts. Personally I have never had this, even with 2 ex husbands ! One bought me a flower vase, I said “thanks, I’ll put it in the cupboard with the other 5 I already have” .... after years of neglect, my sarcasm was in full swing ! The 2nd one once bought me a small ornate cabinet and when I asked what it was for he said to collect thimbles !! I gave it straight back and said that if he thought I was the sort of woman that collects thimbles, then he truly didn’t know me at all ( apologies to all ladies who collect thimbles but it’s just not me). We were penniless at the time as his business had gone under, any practical gift would’ve been so cherished. Luckily my 3 AC always spoil me .... so they more than make up for everything I have been thro.

I have been married 4 times (my current one is the successful one that has lasted nearly 30 years) and in not one of those marriages have I ever been able to remember our anniversary (yes, I am the wife). It occurs to me now that I should put it in my calendar, but for the life of me I can't remember what date it is to enter it even! My first husband used to give me a gift but got put out when I was puzzled by it and he had to tell me it was our anniversary. He soon stopped bothering... I do remember birthdays though.

Maw, so sad so for you. I love 'Im not in love'10 cc
I'm not in love
So don't forget it
It's just a silly phase I'm going through
And just because
I call you up
Don't get me wrong, don't think you've got it made
I'm not in love, no no, it's because
I like to see you
But then again
That doesn't mean you mean that much to me
So if I call you
Don't make a fuss
Don't tell your friends about the two of us
I'm not in love, no no, it's because
I keep your picture
Upon the wall
It hides a nasty stain that's lying there
So don't you ask me
To give it back
I know you know it doesn't mean that much to me
I'm not in love, no no, it's because
Ooh you'll wait a long time for me
....I was with a man I adored for 15 years who now I see was cruel refusing to make a fuss or send anniversary and other cards as he thought it was funny to get me upset and said things like I've read here like 'it doesn't matter, it's only one day' etc etc. It does matter and is deeply wounding to us more sentimental souls. I am now married to the most lovely generous man in the world who buys me flowers, cards, gives money to buy my own presents as his taste is so awful (LOL) and says I love you all the time and shows it. Strangely it wouldn't matter if he didnt as I know he does. Perverse? maybe we all want what we don't have until we get it and then realise it isn't that big an issue. End of philosophical musing...

If this is not his usual way of doing things then I would be disappointed too. If on the other hand he is one of the many men who simply think cards are unimportant or forget them, then have a change of tactics. Next year in good time before your birthday say something like : I thought we might start to do something different for our birthdays now, such as ....see a show....meal out....day away....these just examples etc.
Then specify what your choice will be as your birthday is the first, then ask him for his choice ....mark them on a calendar and book something up in advance so that it is all arranged and you have something that you can both enjoy and look forward to.
Yes you will probably be the one making all the arrangements but he may get to like these new ideas and want to do more when it's not your birthdays

In this abode birthdays have become a problem. Both fed up trying to think of gifts so we "Do something". eg lunch out, visit to gallery with perhaps a coffee and cake. Family's birthday are always marked, card and gift, usually just cash. Think as we grow older we realise how costly and unnecessary some of the fuss is. I would just forget about his birthday and if desperate to mark my own would give myself a treat.

Sat 25-Aug-18 10:01:46
*MawBroon
I feel special every day, not one day a year but then, everyone has their own expectations

Well good luck to you but why the need for the lip-curling put down GabriellaG? Would you extend your logic to your children and grandchildren I wonder?
Why indeed should couples show their love in thoughtful or romantic gestures I wonder, according to you?
Because that is what brightens our lives and to use the cliché “makes the world go round “
There is something cold, unsympathetic and intrinsically superior about your post.

If I may quite OP
its so nice to have a little fuss made of you on your birthday
I won’t argue with that.

My DH isn't good at remembering dates (even his own birthday) so I simply remind him of mine, on a regular basis, from about a month ahead of the date. I suggest a few (small) gifts I'd like - simple things like hand cream. Thus he always gives me a gift and a card. Result! (And we always have cake!) He's a wonderful DH, in so many ways, and I realised early on that his forgetting birthdays isn't done with intent.

My father who, in his last years was unable to shop, used to recycle a card he HAD bought years before to send to my stepmother. For each birthday, he wrote the year on it with a tick. (he could have asked someone to get one for him to send but I think his gesture was not quite as 'Scrooge like' as it appeared).

I was lucky, my DH always remembered birthdays and anniversaries. He was not the sentimental type but knew it meant a lot to me so made the effort.

I have to say I was disappointed this year when not one member of my immediate family (who live abroad) sent me a card - not even my mother! I did make a joke about it with my brother but have to admit to being hurt that my in-laws remembered but not my own family

Pinkshoes - you would be disappointed and upset if you didn't give yourself cards and presents?

Oh dear! This all boils down to the fact that those of us who grew up in a family that made a fuss of birthdays, miss being the centre of attention on that one special day of the year.

Those who grew up in families like my father and my DH were birthdays weren't all that important, never do get what the fuss is all about.

Added to that, that in most marriages it is the woman's job to keep track of birthdays, anniversaries, buying presents and writing Christmas cards, so we wives don't really stand much chance of our birthdays being remembered.

I am a member of the team that shamelessly reminds DH of my birthday, his birthday and our wedding anniversary at the beginning of the relevant months. Christmas he does manage to remember, so I have hopes of us both getting into Heaven one day!

I feel for all of you who feel hurt at having your birthdays ignored and all of you who have lost the ones who made a fuss of you.

He doesn't sound "kind." I'm sorry you have such an inconsiderate husband but how has been allowed to develop over sp many years?

DH was very good at remembering my Birthday but would have to check date & month with me as he got confused between that date & our Anniversary (which were a month apart, we only celebrated 1st Anniversary)

DH worked where he didn't have access to shops so we would have to go shopping together, he would ask me what I would like , luckily for him I collected Lilliput Lane cottages so we would have a look in any shop selling them, I would tell him which ones I already had & then give him a few suggestions of the ones I liked but he made his own decision & often bought one I hadn't pointed out.

I look forward to getting cards from friends & family but gifts are less important

This sounds like my husband.
He has always been the same, never remembers birthdays or anniversaries for anyone but strangely always remembers his own. Now that I am retired and have a lot less cash I now 'forget' his. He's taken to reminding me that his birthday is coming up, I say if you want it remembered organize something yourself - he never does.
Over the years it's been very hurtful.

When the woman of the house does so much for her family, one day a year to say thank you sounds not unreasonable.

For every husband/partner who doesn't or forgets to do something, there exists a mother who didn't teach or encourage their son to be respectful and thoughtful and learn how to do things, like wrap up a parcel, them self!

Birthdays are a big deal in our house and always will be. Some comments on here are really nasty. The OP hasn’t come on here to be verbally attacked she feels let down and probably likes a fuss to be made of her. Not a huge one but a fuss. If Birthdays in your house aren’t a big deal don’t be mean to others who want a bit of fuss. Women can be so bitchy. If you can’t sympathise or empathise, shut up

Haven't had a single card in 44 years ,not bothered at all.I like buying cards and presents for OH and the rest of the family but its not his thing.I knew that when I married him and I wouldn't change him for the world.

If I really want something I'm more than capable of buying it myself.

So he remembered your birthday and thought to pack a card for you?

I would give him a card as usual and plan a dinner in or out, with wine and flowers, etc and tell him it is a joint present for both your birthdays. In my book it is how he treats you every day that really counts.

When I was young and living at home, my dad always used to give me some money to buy a birthday present for my mum. I usually used to buy her a little bottle of ' Californian Poppy' perfume that used to be attached to a card. It cost half a crown if I remember rightly. I knew and must have been told that this scent reminded her of when she was courting my dad. But, and a big but, on mum's birthday, three days after Christmas, Dad would always forget to give her his gift for her. she used to 'fume' all day waiting for him to give it to her. In the end one of us used to remind him to get it out of the wardrobe. Even when I married and left home I always had to tell him before hand so he didn't get into trouble, right up until his dying day. Dad would have given his life for my mum and us five children, but to my mum it did matter to have a card and a gift. I on the other hand, although divorced with three adult children, It wouldn't bother me at all.In fact every year I tell them not to get me anything. They do and they spoil me.

We got married on my 40th birthday(my husband never forgot) however after our first anniversary I only got 1 card each year, one year it would be a birthday card, inside he would also wish me a Happy Anniversary then visa versa the following year. On my 50th birthday I received 2 cards which I cherish as they were the last I received, he died before our next anniversary/birthday.

Not getting a card/present/sincere birthday/Christmas wish in itself is not the issue surely - isn't the issue, the change in behaviour? If you choose a relationship with someone who does acknowledge such occasions then the big question is, why has he stopped doing that? If your OH has never done it, then there's no problem - no change in the relationship. Reasons for changing and ignoring birthdays are either that he is genuinely becoming forgetful, in which case see a doctor, or he has become mean and complacent - like my OH - in which case you need to tell him in no uncertain terms how you feel and if there's no change, alter your own behaviour towards him - that's not childish, it's merely retaining your own self-respect.