First Weeks at School

Oh I agree muffin I wasn't seeking to excuse his actions just to point out that he may not be 'bullying' as many have asserted, he may simply be trying to get attention, and he needs to learn better, but should not be labelled without more information.

trisher I won’t disagree with you at all on that point, but girls are not objects for boys to exercise their feelings on. He will have to learn how to express his emotions in a way that doesn’t involve harming other kids.

Unfortunately for this young boy, if his parents have failed to impart that lesson, the wider world will do so in a hurry. In this case, school will have to teach him the rules around violence to other people.

I despair that kids are left to learn this at school, but there are crappy parents everywhere and someone has to try and help their unlucky kids.

Can I say as well that many do not understand the attitude taken to boys in some communities I remember a young mum desperately asking a reception teacher if it was OK for her to still hug and kiss her son goodbye, the other mums were telling her she would make him a softy. Sometimes boys have little experience of affection.

Griselda is absolutely correct. The best way to deal with this is for the child being hurt to say out loud ‘stop doing that you’re hurting me’. The children involved are very young and need simple, clear direction.

As a teacher I would have preferred the girl's mother to come and tell me what was going on, so I could deal with it, rather than writing a letter, especially if the letter was written to the headmistress or master rather than to the class teacher.

However, as a mum, I would probably have done precisely what your DD did, OP.

I am shocked by the number of adults here who seem to think you can stop bullying by bullying the bully!

Whatever happened to teaching children by your example?

Many many years ago, when I was five and in my first year at primary, we were quite hard up and I had to do pt in hand me down red knickers. One horrid girl came up to me laughing and making fun of me, saying, "Look at her knickers". I asked her to say it again and she did. I then smacked her face so hard she almost fell over. I was never bullied after that day. We were not encouraged to tell tales then. I never told anyone. This is a first. How times change.

Lindyloo - it is over the top and the class teacher will not be pleased that s/he was sidelined without being given the chance to rectify the problem. Tamayra, you cannot under any circumstances approach the boy - as others have said this amounts to bullying. But the issue does need to be dealt with and it is the class teacher who should be approached but the approach should be made in terms of "I don't want to take this any higher up at the moment but my GD reports ………" The teacher then has both a chance and a duty to investigate and it may be that there are other children to whom this boy does the same thing so in reporting the behaviour, your daughter is not only protecting your GD but also other children.

I think it would have been best to speak to the teacher first

its Best to talk to the teacher first, explain the situation but please don’t use the bullying word, you have to say something else like a little lad is being a bit mischievous.
I was a T A for 30 years we were never allowed to say that they were bully’s, difficult yes.

B9 please, please get your daughter to do something to stop the bullying. To think of the poor little thing spending the previous evening crying is heartbreaking. I was relentlessly bullied at school for years, my parents unfortunately told me it was part of growing up and did nothing. Maybe she will need to change schools, push push and push until the school do something, but please don't let it continue as it will possibly effect her for the rest of her life.

A well worded note to teacher is better than a hurried word in the playground or at the classroom door.

This would be my note to the teacher:
"My child is really happy at school and seems to be settling down well; just one thing appears to be upsetting her: she tells me-so-and-so is being unkind to her and 'bending her nails back'. Please would you investigate this behaviour and see if you could discover what is happening. Thank you."

There may be another side to the story; much better not to apportion blame until the incident(s) have been investigated.
These are four year-olds in a new environment, possibly displaying unpleasant behaviour that needs to be brought to the attention of the teacher, but not bullying--- yet.
Hope there is a satisfactory outcome

Sorry - Tamyra I have referred to "you " in my reply . Clearly you are not involved with this scenario directly. Apologies.

@ Tamayra I would definitely avoid having any direct contact with the boy. Your complaint is now in the hands of the teacher and the school. By putting it in writing they will have to use " due process " and abide by the schools rules and regulations about handling the complaint . That will almost certainly mean that the school will need to inform and involve the boy's parents. That is almost certainly the approach likely to resolve this. If you had mentioned it verbally to the teacher there is a danger the school may have dealt with it " by keeping an eye " on the situation - which might or might not help.
Remember - your GD has only just started at the school , the boy in question may have already been there some time and both he and his parents will be known to the school and some of the teachers there.
You don't know - but there may have been similar incidents with other children , there may be significant problems " at home " possibly even domestic violence taking place or parents separated / divorced , recent bereavement etc .

If you speak to the boy directly his parents could be furious with you - and the school for allowing you such access to him . They could accuse you of bullying- or even assault.

Tread carefully.

I agree with jaycee, the letter acts as a record in case this behaviour continues. It is more difficult to deny receiving a written complaint.

If they sit together in class, I would have thought the first step would be to separate them.

I also was sat next to a boy in primary school who was violent towards me. I still have a few small scars from being stabbed with pencils, compass points, etc. It was extremely unpleasant.

In

A friend of mine was being bothered by some unsavoury people hanging around in her street.
The throat slit sign was done to her. She was looking out of her living room window and one if these people did it to her from across the street.
The police considered it a threat of violence a "death threat". An assault.
A statement was taken from my friend and the person taken away by the police.
It ended up on court where this action was evidence.

Knickas - Yes, some, like me, would find the throat slit completely unacceptable in an infant playground. Even the 'I'm watching you' is inappropriate there. If you can't confine yourself to a hard look (like Paddington) keep your hands out of sight.

Not particularly over the top, no one wants their child hurt, perhaps would have been better to speak to the teacher first, without too much accusation, then put it in writing if it continued.

I did say it was many years ago Eglatine and I didn't advocate doing it now! Normally I wouldn't say boo to a goose, but when it is your child, the tiger within comes out. Maybe I should have kept my confession to myself, but then I never claimed to be perfect.

As a retired teacher and ex-governor, I would suggest that if the school is failing to take this seriously then you should approach the Board of Governors who are there to make sure that the Head and teachers live up to their responsibilities. It should be done politely but firmly and don’t take no for an answer. In my experience the sooner these matters are dealt with the better. If this is not successful, then get in touch with your MP and let him/her put their weight behind you. You will probably find that your GC is not the only one being badly treated by this young man!

No bullying is acceptable. Some schools are good at dealing with it, others not. It all depends on the school’s headteacher. My GD is has albinism. She was alienated in the playground by other children calling her a freak. It was heartbreaking. One little girl invited her home to tea and the next day she was relentlessly bullied for inviting a freak to tea. It resulted in nobody going near my GD or speaking to her in case they were bullied for being friendly towards her. The head had all the names of the ringleaders witnessed by staff on duty at break time. The mothers of these children were the active PTA people and absolutely nothing was ever done. My DD changed her DD’s school in year 4 and the new school was fantastic. Sometimes this is the only solution. DGD went from an outstanding school to one in special measures but was happy and thrived.

Firstly Blinko there is no evidence that the school even knows it is happening.
Her mum is of course perfectly entitled to write a letter, but just one warning School is as much about building relationships as any other organisation and talking to your child's teahcer should be part of that. Telling her when your child is happy or unhappy, asking for help offering to help it all makes your child's education more successful. So it mightbe nice if she talked to the teacher as well
And finally a word about the boy. He may be a bully, but equally he may be a boy who has fallen for your GD and thinks the best way to get her attention is to pinch her (boys are notoriously unable to express afection sometimes)
Anyway I hope it gets sorted now.

Amazing how many people who feel strongly about bullying advocate threats and violence as an answer.

What would you call it when an older and more powerful person threatens a weaker, more vulnerable one.

I’ll slit your throat
I’ll rearrange your features
I can do it because I’m bigger and stronger than you and you won’t be able to stop me.

What would you call that?

Disappointing that some schools apparently don't know how to stop bullying when it occurs. Asking the bully if they're doing and taking no further action it is not dealing with the issue.