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First Weeks at School

(80 Posts)
Lyndiloo Tue 25-Sep-18 03:37:53

My granddaughter, who is five in October, started school two weeks ago. And she loves it! Comes home every afternoon, full of what she has been doing, and what she's learnt.

Fly in the ointment - a little boy who keeps pinching her wrists, and trying to, in her words - "Bend my nails back."

Her (very protective) mum is furious! And has, today, written a letter to the teacher, complaining about this.

Is she being over the top?

ChaosIncorporated Tue 25-Sep-18 04:57:36

I would have been more inclined to have a quiet word with the teacher as a first step.

Nanabilly Tue 25-Sep-18 08:45:57

I would have had a quiet word with teacher too but then I don't know how chaotic class is in a morning or how approachable teacher is at that time . He / she may be just too busy to take much notice of parents so a letter is probably best . As long as it is a constructive one. It needed dealing with though as little girl is upset by it.

Willow500 Tue 25-Sep-18 10:01:04

Aw bless her - it's lovely she's enjoying school though so it is best that her mum has brought it to the teacher's attention. Children can be cruel without really understanding why. I hope the teacher manages to stop the little boy's behaviour.

Griselda Tue 25-Sep-18 11:07:17

In an ideal world you daughter would have taught your DG to deal with it herself. E.G. saying loudly, Don't bend my nails back it hurts."
So easy to think of when you're sitting quietly at home and the child isn't yours.

inishowen Tue 25-Sep-18 11:09:40

This sounds so similar to an incident at my granddaughter's ballet class. She was about four and she said when she had to hold hands with another girl, the girl dug her nails into her hand. My granddaughter refused to go back to the class. As long as the teacher in the OPs case knows whats happening she/he will be able to deal with it.

Tamayra Tue 25-Sep-18 11:11:07

I would have a word with both the teacher & the boy
Nip it in the bud

B9exchange Tue 25-Sep-18 11:15:32

One GD was bullied by a particular girl from the moment she arrived in school. Recently she said to me 'I don't want to become 10 years old, because it means '*' has been bullying me for half my life'. For a few years she was able to cope with it, but it is relentless, and has worn her down to the extent that she spends Sunday nights crying that she doesn't want to go to school. DD has tried talking to the teacher each year, talking to the head teacher, but the school only asks the other child if they have done what ever it is, and when they say 'no' it goes no further. DGD has kept a diary and shown it to the school, but only gets the same reaction.

Nothing brutal, just treading on her heels, sticking an elbow in her ribs, pulling her hair, calling DGD a 'brat' and a cry baby. She has two more years of this before secondary school, when they will be going their separate ways. One girl has actually had to move schools because of the bully, you would have hoped the school would have done better.

But for that reason, I would advise a very early approach to the school to nip it in the bud.

Kerenhappuch Tue 25-Sep-18 11:16:48

No, she's not being over the top. This sounds very unpleasant, and could put her little girl off school.

montymops Tue 25-Sep-18 11:18:17

Not at all over the top -

a word with the teacher might have been best but this boys behaviour needs nipping in the bud - it is quite unacceptable bullying and needs a firm and consistent response- he needs to know that. Perhaps the little girl will tell her teacher at the time it happens.

Margs Tue 25-Sep-18 11:19:42

No, IMHO she's not being over the top. She needs to stop this nasty and bullying behaviour before it starts! You not, Lyndiloo, that this little git "keeps" doing it so obviously whilst he thinks he can get away with it he'll go on and on and on.

He sounds pernicious and peevish individual. I wonder what his parents are like......?

Minerva Tue 25-Sep-18 11:29:19

Good news Lindyloo that your granddaughter is enjoying school but this behaviour of her classmate needs to be sorted out quickly.

Personally I wouldn’t write a letter and I certainly wouldn’t talk to the offending boy but I would talk to the teacher asap. This is a reception class and talking to a 4 or 5 year old about something he is doing wrong in school is just not appropriate in my opinion.

My GC has also just started in Reception at nearly 4 and a half. We are encouraged to speak to the teacher after school not in the morning when they are trying to keep an eye on the whole class. We just ask briefly if we can have a word after school and then we get her undivided attention.

I hope the school receives and responds to the letter.

JudyJudy12 Tue 25-Sep-18 11:30:26

I think you have to be a bit careful when the children are little as you dont always here the whole story. A child is not going to say they started it and they can exaggerate what has happened.

I agree it needs dealing with but not to make it a big deal. A friends grandaughter said she was being bullied got lots of sympathy and attention and even a present to make her feel better, turned out that it had not happened at all. They are quite rightly taught about bullying at school but sometimes they do not realise what is bullying and what is normal child fall outs.

aggie Tue 25-Sep-18 11:38:06

GS was being bullied at primary school , the school dealt with it in minutes , but the child has followed GS to secondary school and the bullying started on the school bus , one phone call to the form teacher and it has been nipped in the bud and senior children are watching out for him . Mum felt it important not to get her son labelled as a soft touch and other kids might have joined in , so I say talk to the teacher ASP

knickas63 Tue 25-Sep-18 11:39:01

Ref OP - then I think a quiet word would have been better. B9 - totally wrong I know - but I would make sure that as a parent I got eye contact with the bully - made a definite glare and I am watching you sign. I would have even done the 'throat cut' sign - or something similar. I would make sure she thought that if the school wouldn't do anything - I would. Don't care if it is unacceptable to some. 5 years is too long for that little life to be blighted!

aggie Tue 25-Sep-18 11:39:22

GS didn't complain , it was another child text his own mum asking about what to do and she contacted GS s mum

sarahellenwhitney Tue 25-Sep-18 11:40:48

Give teacher the opportunity to respond to the letter and put a stop to this bullying which is what it is. Failing that go to the head teacher. I am sure your GD will let you know if the child has stopped this bullying.

mabon1 Tue 25-Sep-18 11:43:33

Having been in the profession I would advise a quiet word with the class teacher as this is bullying.

Jaycee5 Tue 25-Sep-18 11:45:38

I don't think she over reacted. With children of that age, the teacher will hopefully keep a close eye on them and try to catch him and then explain why it is wrong. There is nothing wrong with a letter as long as it is in the right tone and it is a record so the school can't later claim not to know about it if it carries on. It also shows the child that the parent has listened and taken action.

GabriellaG Tue 25-Sep-18 11:47:15

A few words with her teacher in private should, hopefully, nip any future bad behaviour in the bud.
If more unacceptsble behaviour was met with stern disapproval both at school and in the home and indeed, socially, then we might stand a chance of future generations being more respectful in word, thought and deed.

GabriellaG Tue 25-Sep-18 11:53:09

Oh NO! Never approach the child re bullying. You could be accused of bullying a small child yourself . Teacher or, if not school related, the parent(s).

Theoddbird Tue 25-Sep-18 11:53:24

Absolutely the correct thong to do. The school is responsible for your grandchild while they are there. I do hope the letter helps sort this out.

Eglantine21 Tue 25-Sep-18 11:54:50

A letter is not over the top. A word is fine as long as it not as all the children are coming in. You can’t listen and settle 30 children at the same time.

We are talking about a little boy who has to be stopped from doing nasty things. It’s not appropriate for adults who are unknown to him to approach him and threaten him, saying they will cut his throat!!

I would say that’s an even worse case of bullying.

Rondy Tue 25-Sep-18 11:58:17

She has every right to do this. This boy is going to turn out to be a bully if he's not stopped now.

Rosina Tue 25-Sep-18 11:58:32

If a school is allowing bullying to continue then it is failing in its duty of care; the staff are in loco parentis while they have the child. I would kick up such a fuss - without trying to sound too dramatic, some children kill themselves after years of bullying. Often the school bully is the product of a loud, aggressive and unpleasant parent who will insist that the other child is lying, is a wimp who can't take some teasing etc. If a child is being physically abused by a bully then this is assault and is an offence, however young the perpetrators.