First Weeks at School

As a teacher and head of many years - retired now of course- I will reiterate that this behaviour needs dealing with. All aspects of bullying need to be addressed ASAP for the sake of the victim as well as the bully. Bullying can start early - as indeed it has in this case - any secrecy or underhand behaviour needs to be given the full light of day, brought into the open and discussed. The school should have an anti bullying policy which can be viewed I’m sure.

Oh dear, it is so awful when your kids get bullied. It makes you feel hurt, angry and helpless, especially when the school doesn't take any action. I remember my daughter being bullied by a girls when she started senior school (many years ago!) She told me the girls name and said she had told a teacher, but it continued. Now I confess - as I dropped her off at school looking very sad one morning, I quietly asked her best friend to point out this bully to me. I said 'Would you please give her a message for me? Tell her if I ever see her within 20 yards of my daughter or hear about any more of her nasty behaviour, I will personally find her and rearrange her features! And that is not a threat - it's a promise!' The friend looked aghast and said a breathless 'ok!' I watched her walk over and tell the bully what I had said. She looked at me and went very red before walking away. It worked and we never had any more trouble, but I cringe when I think about it now. I wouldn't advocate it - you would never get away with that these days!

5 year olds do that sort of thing without it necessarily being a big deal, so it should definitely be nipped in the bud by some means of contacting the teacher. Not all mums can be present to have a word, so a letter is the alternative

Imho the only thing that will stop it is if the child fights back. Barbaric I know but my daughter was bullied in junior school and after talking with teacher, head, parent, and child it continued. School set up mediation still continued in the playground out of sight. One day after several months I told my daughter the next time they hurt u give one of them a slap across the face but don't punch. She did and it stopped. No more kicks bruising dig marks etc. Friend's daughter was being whipped with a skipping rope and she told her to do the same and it stopped. We both tried all the propper channels first for months with no effect HTH

I think it's a home thing if a child starts it that young.
I have 5, boys and girls and none of them have ever bullied anyone, in or out of school, nor have they ever been bullied. Likeable kids and good as gold, just hardworking children who grew into decent well rounded adults. It starts at home, giving them fair rules, good values, worthwhile aims and a loving stable atmosphere in which to blossom.

If a school is allowing bullying to continue then it is failing in its duty of care; the staff are in loco parentis while they have the child. I would kick up such a fuss - without trying to sound too dramatic, some children kill themselves after years of bullying. Often the school bully is the product of a loud, aggressive and unpleasant parent who will insist that the other child is lying, is a wimp who can't take some teasing etc. If a child is being physically abused by a bully then this is assault and is an offence, however young the perpetrators.

She has every right to do this. This boy is going to turn out to be a bully if he's not stopped now.

A letter is not over the top. A word is fine as long as it not as all the children are coming in. You can’t listen and settle 30 children at the same time.

We are talking about a little boy who has to be stopped from doing nasty things. It’s not appropriate for adults who are unknown to him to approach him and threaten him, saying they will cut his throat!!

I would say that’s an even worse case of bullying.

Absolutely the correct thong to do. The school is responsible for your grandchild while they are there. I do hope the letter helps sort this out.

Tamayra
Oh NO! Never approach the child re bullying. You could be accused of bullying a small child yourself . Teacher or, if not school related, the parent(s).

A few words with her teacher in private should, hopefully, nip any future bad behaviour in the bud.
If more unacceptsble behaviour was met with stern disapproval both at school and in the home and indeed, socially, then we might stand a chance of future generations being more respectful in word, thought and deed.

I don't think she over reacted. With children of that age, the teacher will hopefully keep a close eye on them and try to catch him and then explain why it is wrong. There is nothing wrong with a letter as long as it is in the right tone and it is a record so the school can't later claim not to know about it if it carries on. It also shows the child that the parent has listened and taken action.

Having been in the profession I would advise a quiet word with the class teacher as this is bullying.

Give teacher the opportunity to respond to the letter and put a stop to this bullying which is what it is. Failing that go to the head teacher. I am sure your GD will let you know if the child has stopped this bullying.

PS
GS didn't complain , it was another child text his own mum asking about what to do and she contacted GS s mum

Ref OP - then I think a quiet word would have been better. B9 - totally wrong I know - but I would make sure that as a parent I got eye contact with the bully - made a definite glare and I am watching you sign. I would have even done the 'throat cut' sign - or something similar. I would make sure she thought that if the school wouldn't do anything - I would. Don't care if it is unacceptable to some. 5 years is too long for that little life to be blighted!

GS was being bullied at primary school , the school dealt with it in minutes , but the child has followed GS to secondary school and the bullying started on the school bus , one phone call to the form teacher and it has been nipped in the bud and senior children are watching out for him . Mum felt it important not to get her son labelled as a soft touch and other kids might have joined in , so I say talk to the teacher ASP

I think you have to be a bit careful when the children are little as you dont always here the whole story. A child is not going to say they started it and they can exaggerate what has happened.

I agree it needs dealing with but not to make it a big deal. A friends grandaughter said she was being bullied got lots of sympathy and attention and even a present to make her feel better, turned out that it had not happened at all. They are quite rightly taught about bullying at school but sometimes they do not realise what is bullying and what is normal child fall outs.

Good news Lindyloo that your granddaughter is enjoying school but this behaviour of her classmate needs to be sorted out quickly.

Personally I wouldn’t write a letter and I certainly wouldn’t talk to the offending boy but I would talk to the teacher asap. This is a reception class and talking to a 4 or 5 year old about something he is doing wrong in school is just not appropriate in my opinion.

My GC has also just started in Reception at nearly 4 and a half. We are encouraged to speak to the teacher after school not in the morning when they are trying to keep an eye on the whole class. We just ask briefly if we can have a word after school and then we get her undivided attention.

I hope the school receives and responds to the letter.

No, IMHO she's not being over the top. She needs to stop this nasty and bullying behaviour before it starts! You not, Lyndiloo, that this little git "keeps" doing it so obviously whilst he thinks he can get away with it he'll go on and on and on.

He sounds pernicious and peevish individual. I wonder what his parents are like......?

Not at all over the top -

a word with the teacher might have been best but this boys behaviour needs nipping in the bud - it is quite unacceptable bullying and needs a firm and consistent response- he needs to know that. Perhaps the little girl will tell her teacher at the time it happens.

No, she's not being over the top. This sounds very unpleasant, and could put her little girl off school.

One GD was bullied by a particular girl from the moment she arrived in school. Recently she said to me 'I don't want to become 10 years old, because it means '*' has been bullying me for half my life'. For a few years she was able to cope with it, but it is relentless, and has worn her down to the extent that she spends Sunday nights crying that she doesn't want to go to school. DD has tried talking to the teacher each year, talking to the head teacher, but the school only asks the other child if they have done what ever it is, and when they say 'no' it goes no further. DGD has kept a diary and shown it to the school, but only gets the same reaction.

Nothing brutal, just treading on her heels, sticking an elbow in her ribs, pulling her hair, calling DGD a 'brat' and a cry baby. She has two more years of this before secondary school, when they will be going their separate ways. One girl has actually had to move schools because of the bully, you would have hoped the school would have done better.

But for that reason, I would advise a very early approach to the school to nip it in the bud.

I would have a word with both the teacher & the boy
Nip it in the bud

This sounds so similar to an incident at my granddaughter's ballet class. She was about four and she said when she had to hold hands with another girl, the girl dug her nails into her hand. My granddaughter refused to go back to the class. As long as the teacher in the OPs case knows whats happening she/he will be able to deal with it.