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Non grandad name please

(70 Posts)
Flaxseed Sat 20-Oct-18 16:47:29

I’m neither married to nor do I live with my DP of almost 5 years.
He’s not often around when I look after DGS (13.5 months) but there are times such as birthdays, Xmas etc when we are/will be all together.

I’m constantly talking to DGS (as you do) but am at a loss as to know how to address DP when we are with him!

Grandad doesn’t seem right especially as DGS knows and sees his biological grandfathers often (maternal grandfather is ’Pops’ and paternal one is Grandad)
Saying DP’s Christian name doesn’t feel right either!

Any ideas please?

Grandad1943 Mon 22-Oct-18 18:03:19

My wife Carol and me have four Grandchildren by our three daughters. In that, the youngest one for some time has addressed me as "Nanfer". I do not know where she got that from, but she has used the name since making her first real friends at the age of three.

I like the name, and two of the other grandchildren also turned to addressing be in that term.

Perhaps that term could be used by the OP

I find the name LOVELY.

Sazz1006 Mon 22-Oct-18 17:52:14

My grand daughter was only 2 when I met my husband. He was referred to as Paul as it didn’t seem appropriate to call him any variation of granddad at such an early stage. She’s 9 now still calls him Paul as it never seemed right to ask her to call him something else.

yggdrasil Mon 22-Oct-18 16:29:34

We are in the same position, but have no problem using given names. His grandkids know I will act in Granny mode, and respect me in the right way.
We don't see my grandchildren very often, but they know Granny & Mark go together. :-)

gmelon Mon 22-Oct-18 14:13:30

I think It depends on the biological grandparents being in the picture or not. It may need the child to differentiate between everyone.

I have a friend whose sons call her husband, who is their step dad, by his name. He has been the only father they have known but never called him Dad.

However the grandchildren call him Grandad. Just Grandad.
Even though they don't hear him called Dad by their own Dad.
Another friend has her husband called GrampyBob. Bob being his name, obviously!

Megland Mon 22-Oct-18 13:58:42

Let the grandchildren choose. They may like Papa, or try Babu (Kiswahili for granddad.) Our grandchildren, a variety of ages, chose Grampy and Sarah Grannie for paternal grandparents, Pops and Grannie Annie for maternal or, for older grandchildren, ynnarg and spop!!

absent Mon 22-Oct-18 05:12:11

My grandchildren just call my husband (not their grandfather) by his given name. He's quite happy with that, they're quite happy with that, I'm quite happy with that, absentdaughter is quite happy with that and ex-Mr absent (their grandfather) is quite happy with that. Seems obvious.

sluttygran Mon 22-Oct-18 02:13:43

My little granddaughter calls my gentleman friend ‘Mr Joe’.
She decided on this herself, but it seems to work pretty well.
It’s respectful, whilst acknowledging that he is a friend, and not an uncle or grandparent.

GreenGran78 Sun 21-Oct-18 20:06:01

Our first GC decided that my husband was "Grallag". and that stuck. Though they are grown up now, and he died 3 years ago, they still call him Grallag.
My little Aussie GD isn't 2 yet, and sadly will never know him, but she will see pictures of her Grallag when she's a little older.

Cabbie21 Sun 21-Oct-18 18:22:51

My husband’s granddaughter ages 3 has no other grandparents, so there is no conflict of names. He is Grandad, but my stepson refers to me as Granny Cabbie ie uses my first name, as he always calls me by my first name. Somehow in my family we have never been very good at calling each other by our first names. I don’t know why.

My daughter’s children have about ten people of my generation in their lives, given that there have been a number of remarriages, then there are the grandparents of their cousins. They have two Grandads, one Grandma, one Granny ( me ), one Nanny , one Pop, one Oma, one Opa. The rest ( step grandparents/ partners) they call by their first names.

PECS Sun 21-Oct-18 17:26:39

DH is called Gaga! Or now they are older Gargs! grin

yellowcanary Sun 21-Oct-18 17:21:00

I'm known as Nanna (name) to my step-grandchildren - bearing in mind I was only in my early 30's when the first one was born - my (late) husband was Gramps/Granddad (he was 15 years older than me)

Jalima1108 Sun 21-Oct-18 16:14:30

Flaxseed grin

Grandmama Sun 21-Oct-18 16:01:23

My DH was known as Gaga for a time!

Flaxseed Sun 21-Oct-18 15:40:33

The ‘ie’ add on is actually a name that he is called by others.
Think along the lines of ‘Alf/Alfie’

DD & partner are happy to leave it up to us.

I asked DP this morning and he’s happy with the ie add on - so alls good!

Thanks for all your suggestions and sorry some were frustrated by the thread grin
I didn’t mean for it to be taken quite so seriously! hmm

Tillybelle Sun 21-Oct-18 15:39:31

As children growing up in a village, every friend of the family was Uncle or Aunty whether actually related or not. That included Uncle Tom who was the same age as my Grandad. So would Uncle .... work?

Grammaretto Sun 21-Oct-18 13:37:03

I have the same first name as one of my counterpart GPs. So for convenience sake those DGC call me by my surname as in granny smith
Therefore you could choose papa smith for him.

icanhandthemback Sun 21-Oct-18 13:20:51

I think you should ask the parents what they would want. My DD's MIL tried to get my DGD to call her husband Grandad which made my SIL furious as he was very attached to his late father. However, my DD was happy for her daughter to call my husband Grandad xxx (insert first name) as she wasn't that attached to her father. You can cause real resentment by getting it wrong!
I have many step grandchildren and I always ask them what they would like me to be known as. If they wanted me to be known by my first name, that would be good enough for me but all of them have asked that I be called Nanny xxx which I take to be a compliment.

sarahellenwhitney Sun 21-Oct-18 12:55:34

Flaxseed At your grandchild's present age he is hardly likely to be asking questions on whose who.
Neither are you married to, live permanently with or as you claim DP is not always around then what do you call DP.? Unless it is a name you use for him hmm, grinthat would be embarrassing to DP were you to call him that in front of others then why can't you let your GS use DP's christian name.?

Jalima1108 Sun 21-Oct-18 12:53:09

If anyone added an ie or y to my name I would be very cross.
As I said previously, the DGC called their 'step-grandad-who-wasn't' - other Granny's friend - by his first name from when they could first speak. It wasn't at all rude or disrespectful and he was happy with that.

Theoddbird Sun 21-Oct-18 12:48:55

Oh and adding ie is like giving him a childish name...for goodness sake...his first name as it stands is most suitable

Theoddbird Sun 21-Oct-18 12:46:31

I see no reason why his first name is not suitable. If I had a partner I would want my grand children to call him by his first name rather than something made up. I would want a partners grand children to call me by my first name as well. No big deal....

NotSpaghetti Sun 21-Oct-18 12:38:03

I like my husband, children and my grandchildren to call me by my "real" name. After all, I don't call them "husband" "daughter" "grandson" etc....
Maybe because of this I think his actual name is best - but love, close bonds and respect isn't bound up in people's names, its in what we do and say and in our feelings and memories - so whatever you decide won't matter so long as they grow to care for him.

oldmom Sun 21-Oct-18 12:29:22

I think you should ask the parents of your grandchild how they feel about it. They may not be OK with any kind of nickname or special name, and just teach your grandchild to use his first name.

It's up to your son/daughter to decide whether your partner is regarded as a relative, or part of your grandchild's family.

Flaxseed Sun 21-Oct-18 12:19:47

His first name IS an obvious choice of course and it’s not as if I hadn’t thought of that hmm

However, I just wanted something a bit more fun/special so thanks to all who suggested other names.

Although he isn’t involved much at the moment, we have lots of family events coming up and DGS is starting to associate names with people/objects which is why I have just started thinking about this.

DP’s children call him Pa or PaPa so that one is off the list.
My DD’s call my father Gramps so that one will be probably be ruled out too.

However, I think we are leaning towards adding ‘ie’ to his first name which works quite well

Thanks again for your suggestions

Overthehills Sun 21-Oct-18 11:38:40

His first name.