I am envious of a woman I have never met!! Why?

wish I had someone like him in my life. Instead his wife is just horrible to him

I'm guessing you would welcome any kind of justification for 'saving' him from this horrible marriage. The fact that his wife may not 'deserve' him however, is not enough. He is married to her, hence he's already taken. No one has the right to step in between and destroy a marriage, because adultery is grounds for divorce.

So here's a reality check: Married men (and women) are off limits and no one will ever get a pass from me for even thinking of breaking up a marriage.

Falling for the boss is such a cliche anyway and you seem like someone who can do much better than that.

ineedamum: agree with all the other comments, you're effectively being groomed.

His wife is so awful it wouldn't be wrong for him to have an affair? As for loyalty, as others say he's not loyal to his wife, mother of his children.

If he's such a good manager how come you haven't had time for leave in seven months?

You seem to be new, could be worth finding out why the others left ... say how lovely he is to other staff and see their eyes roll?

And yes, for goodness sake learn to drive/get a car, it will open your life out tremendously.

He stays because they have children and he is loyal and traditional. Maybe so, but the root of it is that he chooses to stay....

My mum used to envy her sister because she married a wealthy man and never worked in paid employment after that. My mum on the other hand always worked hard both inside and outside the home to pay the bills and put food on the table as dad was a feckless alcoholic.
However, many years later mum died quite suddenly in her late 70’s and her older sister (Aunty) was helping us to sort out mums things. We were gobsmacked when Aunty exclaimed how all these years she’d been really envious of my mum because she had lots of friends, was clever, financially independent, capable of dealing with any mini disaster and how she always dressed so well and could she have some of her clothes please?
It turns out that Aunty felt inferior to mum!
My sister and I had a good laugh about it afterwards and felt grateful that mum had been such a good role model to us.

If he's a multi millionaire why does he only hold the position of manager.

Maybe it's not so much the woman you envy but the apparently easy comfortable lifestyle she has? You've obviously worked very hard for everything you've got, your sons, your house and your career. Give yourself lots of credit for what you have achieved. You've given your son's a much better start in life than you had and you've changed your family story. That takes guts and determination.

Perhaps now is the time to start to think about what you would like for YOU now. Expanding your friendship circle, exploring special interests, trying online dating, travelling. There are lots of companies that cater for single travellers. You've done the hard work creating your garden, now is the time to smell the roses. ?

You have done an incredible job of making the best of things and I don't blame you a bit for thinking the bosses wife has it easy but you only have one side of the story. I agree with everybody saying you need to get out there and mingle, the U3A is open to the retired and semi retired or part time as most of the events take place during the day but I am sure there are lots of other social things going on around you. Do learn to drive it opens up all sorts of possibilities for meet ups. So glad you are not hankering after the boss I worked for a lady who was mad about the big boss and it was an awful environment to work in.

Ineedamum; you have achieved so much through your own efforts; it sounds as though now the responsibility for your sons has lightened you have more time to think about you. Knowing you have paid (are paying ) for the house you are sleeping in, and indeed the bed you are lying on, doesn't cut it in the lonely small hours; of course you envy the sort of life your manager's wife apparently enjoys, and indulge in a little wishful thinking.

I don't think for a moment you are on the brink of indulging in an affair but you are ready for some sort of relationship, and a little cherishing as well that so many smug marrieds take as an entitlement. Keep on friendly terms with your boss whilst being receptive to new opportunities.

I think you are viewing this manager through rose coloured spectacles. If he was truly loyal to his wife he would,nt be running her down in front of you : ie : jetting of on their wedding anniversary with friends : only with him for his money : only staying with her because of the children : I would,nt call those "off the cuff remarks". He is testing the water with you...be very careful you don,t fall in!
Loyalty is much more than remaining physically faithful, but in other ways too. Even "emotional relationships" with other people can cause damage within a marriage. I would completely review everything if I was in your shoes, not only maybe moving house, but moving to another job as well.
Try not to envy his wife, you have not heard her version of their life together....he might not be the paragon of virtue he appears to be.

But he isn't loyal is he? Such conversations do not belong in the workplace and I don't believe he is the man you think he is. If he was you wouldn't know about his marriage.

Have you ever met the innocent party in a divorce? I haven't so unless you have proof do not believe what he says. He may well be a very controlling man who has not allowed his wife to have her own life and career. I used to work for a lovely man who didn't realise how controlling he was, he would have said he was being kind and generous.

Why don't you get driving lessons? That would be the start of getting a life for yourself. Join something or volunteer for something, get involved in something. Don't let this man into your life, he is not to be trusted.

I get a feeling that you are quite lonely ineedamum.
If I was you I'd join Meetup online.
There are lots of different groups with all sorts of things to do, cinema, meals out, walks, Sunday lunches, quiz nights.
For each group you join, there's a small annual fee, usually £4 or something like that.
Then you can pick and choose when you want to go out and meet new people and enjoy yourself.

ineedamum - I jumped of the wheel by leaving my chosen career at the age of 50, retraining in photography and finished up running singing workshops, arts outreach projects for teenagers, photo-editing a magazine, some freelance photography and lots more. Could not have been more different from social work!

We still had children at school at the time and my OH could only work part time because of his health problems, so it was a big risk!

I never regretted it - I treasure that 10 years I had doing what I really wanted to do.

You don't know his wife - you only have his word for what she is like. He could be joking, or he could be painting her in a bad light because he isn't a wonderful person after all. You need to make some life for yourself and stop mooning about this man - it's pretty obvious that you envy his wife because you'd like to be in her position .

ineedamum I think you are grieving the loss of things that are missing in your life, and someone you admire represents these qualities you are grieving.

You have achieved a great deal and are clearly an amazing and strong person, but perhaps haven't allowed yourself time to grieve these losses until now. Be nice to yourself.

Maybe try some online dating? I have friends older than you who have done it and found love.

You have made a happy home for yourself and your sons, and are successful in your career. I think what you are experiencing is loneliness, and you are projecting onto this woman what you would like your life to be: with a loving husband, someone to come home to at night. However, married life isn’t always rosy, as many of the posts on here can attest to. As you realise, you are taking stock of your life, and looking to the future without parental responsibilities. You say you haven’t had a holiday recently- could you take a break, go away and spend some time resting and thinking through your choices? You own your own home, albeit with a mortgage. Could you downsize? Would this allow you to work part-time if you wanted? Life with a partner can be wonderful, but so can life on your own.

Is the U3 just for retired people?

I am so.pleased you have found a safe place here on GN.to share your feelings.
Please read the advice given and take from.It what you feel I appropriate.
Moving house seems a very good idea if you are sure you are ready for that next step.
It will be a good outlet for your negative feelings.
You need positive ones now.
Goodluck.

I am so grateful for posting on here, I could never admit this to anyone in real life.

Missadventure, perhaps i am flexing my romantic muscles

Thank you.

I do think part of it, is that I am taking stock of my life and I will need to work until mid 60s (assuming I stay healthy).
I am leaving for work at 6.30 am arriving home 6.30 pm monday to friday. I don't drive so basics take a little bit longer.

I do need to develop a life but am struggling after work. I also have had not time for annual leave in the past 7 months!

So I am thinking yes my life could have been so different and I am trying to find meaning.

I will not have an affair with him-I don't think he would either as he is loyal.

My new phase has involved changing career- I am now seriously considering moving to get a better house. I do need to get a life though.

Lucky girl what risk did you take?

What a muddle you are in just now - and I can understand why.

I think you are on the brink of doing something you will very definitely regret.

You have done so much in your life and have two fine sons to show for it. Maybe you need to tell yourself that you are ready to embark on a new phase that is perhaps more about you than your parental responsibilities.

Write a list of the things that you might have done if you had not been so busy. Could it be that now is the time to do them? I have experience of taking a risk and jumping off the wheel - it is very liberating.

I wish you lots of good luck in your quest for the right path in this new phase of your life.

You have done an amazing job, but now you are comparing your life to a snap shot, one sided version of someone else’s .it is perfectly normal to feel a bit envious & upset that your life has not been as easy (seemingly) as your managers wife .You are in danger of convincing yourself that she does not value him & that she should & you would. Be very careful not to convince yourself that she doesn’t deserve him & that maybe you do. Best wishes,take care.

^I do wish I had the qualities of my manager in my personal life- loyal, dependable, down to earth and honest.
I suppose that is holding a candle^?

Oh dear, you sound like a lovestruck teenager.
This paragon of virtue is your manager, he is also married to somebody else and therefore off limits.
He may well be flattered by doe eyed adoration , please keep your dignity and self respect intact and try to adopt a more mature attitude in keeping with your maturity and position.

I think its time to develop your own personal life, not necessarily looking for a male companion. Join something where you have the opportunity to make friends, be it voluntary work, U3A, classes, whatever you feel drawn too. Take your time but make the effort. I am really shy and nervous but I have managed. You can too.

but you dont know him or his wife on a personal level so you have no idea what either of them are like ...just HIS version of their relationship.Dont be envious of some fairytale without facts to back it up.I know people who look as if their life is fabulous but I know them personally and I can tell you the reality and the image are not the same .Be proud of who you are and how far you have come and be confident in the future YOU can make for yourself .