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I am envious of a woman I have never met!! Why?

(46 Posts)
ineedamum Sat 03-Nov-18 19:17:59

I am nearly 50 and have managed with no support to raise two wonderful sons, get my first ever mortgage and am successfully changing career. I am healthy.

I am therefore independent, strong minded and I suppose spiritual to break the cycle of my abusive background.

My manager's wife has never worked and according to my manager is only with him for his money. He stays because they have children and he is loyal and traditional. On their wedding anniversary she jetted off abroad with her friends!

However, I feel envious of her and I'm not proud of it.

I just wish my life had been easier. I know I have done the best in difficult circumstances and I truly hope that the second part of my life will be peace and happiness instead of struggling day to day.

I also admire my manager and wish I had someone like him in my life. Instead his wife is just horrible to him and I don't think either of them are happy despite their image.

oldbatty Sat 03-Nov-18 19:23:09

to be fair, she probably has piles.

ineedamum Sat 03-Nov-18 19:25:53

Ha ha x

Thank you . I don't like this side of me but you're probably right

Eglantine21 Sat 03-Nov-18 19:25:57

Why would you envy her? She’s married to a man who has affairs with his female employees.

Surely you can see this one coming..........

annsixty Sat 03-Nov-18 19:28:00

Envy is destructive.
It is so easy to feel envy but we never know the story behind any door or any scenario.
You have acheived so much, be proud and happy.
Many will envy you and your achievements.
Don't waste your life being envious. It will just make you unhappy.

ineedamum Sat 03-Nov-18 19:28:59

No, he doesn't have affairs nor am I the type to have an affair. He is traditional, loyal and adores his kids. The divorce laws are in the woman's favour (he is a multi millionaire by the way)

Anniebach Sat 03-Nov-18 19:31:09

Do you have feelings for him ?

MissAdventure Sat 03-Nov-18 19:31:56

He isn't very loyal, is he?
What is he doing discussing his marriage with a work colleague?

annep Sat 03-Nov-18 19:31:59

Try not tj be. It will only destroy you. Be proud of yourself.

ineedamum Sat 03-Nov-18 19:33:17

I know annsixty, I'm not proud to be envious.

I think it is a reflection on my life, I am working very, very hard but am lonely now my sons are finding their path in life.

MissAdventure Sat 03-Nov-18 19:37:04

I think its an indication that perhaps you should try looking for love, or at the very least some male company.
You've done a lot, but nothing that's personally for you.

ineedamum Sat 03-Nov-18 19:39:37

Anniebach, he is the best manager I have ever worked for and I have a lot of respect for him. We are similar ages.

Miss adventure, it was an off the cuff comment said in confidence. I rarely see him

I think it is more about me

ineedamum Sat 03-Nov-18 19:42:35

Missadventure, i think you're right. How can I do this?

MissAdventure Sat 03-Nov-18 19:42:44

I think the fact that he is in a managerial position is attractive to you.
Probably you would like to be 'looked after' by someone who is man enough for the job.
I don't mean that in a derogatory way; I wouldn't mind someone looking out for me, being on my side and supporting me, too.

MissAdventure Sat 03-Nov-18 19:44:16

Well, I suppose the most common way these days is online dating.
I think there are some people here who met partners online.
Its just a bit of a mixed bag.

Cherrytree59 Sat 03-Nov-18 19:44:29

Hello ineedamum
What is there to envy?
You have achieved so much without help!
On the other hand the woman you describe
has had a free ticket.

The grass on the other side can always seem greener.
But who knows what goes on behind closed doors.

I hope you don't mind me asking ineedamum but do you hold a candle for your manager and this is where your envy lies?

Your GN name suggests that you are missing an important person in your lifeflowers

MawBroon Sat 03-Nov-18 19:50:40

I too think I am detecting an element of crush/hero worship.
You are a grown woman ineedamum and I would hope that this sort of adoration was years if not decades behind you. You know nothing of what makes your manager’s wife tick, of what their life is really like, whether he farts and snores. What is it about her that you envy?
I think you need to wake up from your daydreams or misty eyed idea of their relationship and focus on your own life.

KatyK Sat 03-Nov-18 19:52:11

Her life is probably not so great. What is it they say - believe none of what you hear and half of what you see. A bit cynical I know.

MissAdventure Sat 03-Nov-18 19:53:53

Of course, another way of looking at it is that your are flexing your romance muscles in a safe way, as it were.
Dipping your toe into the waters, testing to see if you would like a nice partner of your own.

ineedamum Sat 03-Nov-18 19:58:43

MissAdventure and cherrytree59 , yes.

I have been estranged from my family for many, many years and will be for ever. So I am very independent, to the point that in emergencies I only have my sons to call, but I wouldn't.

I would love support occasionally just to make life easier.
I do wish I had the qualities of my manager in my personal life- loyal, dependable, down to earth and honest.
I suppose that is holding a candle?

Anniebach Sat 03-Nov-18 20:12:06

ineedamum, take care, you are vulnerable x

paddyann Sat 03-Nov-18 20:18:05

but you dont know him or his wife on a personal level so you have no idea what either of them are like ...just HIS version of their relationship.Dont be envious of some fairytale without facts to back it up.I know people who look as if their life is fabulous but I know them personally and I can tell you the reality and the image are not the same .Be proud of who you are and how far you have come and be confident in the future YOU can make for yourself .

annep Sat 03-Nov-18 21:01:14

I think its time to develop your own personal life, not necessarily looking for a male companion. Join something where you have the opportunity to make friends, be it voluntary work, U3A, classes, whatever you feel drawn too. Take your time but make the effort. I am really shy and nervous but I have managed. You can too.

MawBroon Sat 03-Nov-18 21:17:49

^I do wish I had the qualities of my manager in my personal life- loyal, dependable, down to earth and honest.
I suppose that is holding a candle^?

Oh dear, you sound like a lovestruck teenager.
This paragon of virtue is your manager, he is also married to somebody else and therefore off limits.
He may well be flattered by doe eyed adoration , please keep your dignity and self respect intact and try to adopt a more mature attitude in keeping with your maturity and position.

Bridgeit Sat 03-Nov-18 21:18:18

You have done an amazing job, but now you are comparing your life to a snap shot, one sided version of someone else’s .it is perfectly normal to feel a bit envious & upset that your life has not been as easy (seemingly) as your managers wife .You are in danger of convincing yourself that she does not value him & that she should & you would. Be very careful not to convince yourself that she doesn’t deserve him & that maybe you do. Best wishes,take care.