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Xmas rules

(47 Posts)
Treelover Wed 07-Nov-18 10:22:58

Seems that as I have dogs and don’t eat meat I am required to get rid of them and provide meat for Son and family or not get visited at Christmas. Is this fair? I hate it.

Missfoodlove Wed 07-Nov-18 10:36:32

I would make those sacrifices to have Christmas with my family.
I guess it’s down to how often you see them and how much you enjoy each other’s company.

mcem Wed 07-Nov-18 11:01:34

I assume there is no direct link between getting rid of the dogs and providing meat!!!!hmm
When my family visit I often fancy cooking a big steak pie but DiL doesn't eat red meat so it's more likely to be chicken n leek !
Not a big deal.
A friend who has a real dog phobia doesn't cancel visits to DD because she knows the dogs will be shut away.
It's about a. Priorities b. Compromise.

suzied Wed 07-Nov-18 11:06:25

a) perhaps son could provide meat as their contribution
b) find foster home or kennels for dogs for the few days son is visiting

Dolcelatte Wed 07-Nov-18 11:10:34

'Love me, love my dog'!

Maybelle Wed 07-Nov-18 11:10:53

Can you ask a friend to have the dogs, or book them into kennels for the few days over Christmas? As much as I love my animals i love my family more.

As to providing meat for them can you not compromise. Cook a meal that is complete for a vegetarian or vegan (as required) but also cook an add on meat component for guests.

I am not vegetarian but will happily cook a special element to add to a meal to make it acceptable for a vegetarian visitor.

MawBroon Wed 07-Nov-18 11:12:03

I used to put Gracie into Kennels when the little DGC visited, fortunately she was not unhappy about it, but I was. DD who should know better was “nervous” she might snap at them - as if.
Latterly I just said I would undertake to keep her behind a babygate in the utility room and actually they grew very fond of her.
Hattie STAYS (but might be shut away as she can get quite boisterous initially) she just loves people .
It depends on the dog.
As to serving meat, if you are a vegetarian by principle they should provide/cook it for you. If it is just preference, I would make the sacrifice.

Or you could compromise and invite them to tea (as in afternoon) or a Boxing Day buffet. It is really a question of your priorities and how far you are prepared to compromise.
Alternatively you could suggest going to them (minus dogs) or eating out.
Whether or not it is a big deal is very much up to you.

FlexibleFriend Wed 07-Nov-18 11:13:14

I too have dogs but won't be getting rid of them for anyone. I think the information provided is a bid basic to say the least. My dogs aren't allowed to bother anyone ever. They are in a different room when we eat and if anyone visiting has a phobia they'd be behind a baby gate. I have baby gates set up even though there are currently no babies around, they are not allowed free run of the house and certainly not allowed anywhere near the front door. I can't imagine being in your position as I already have gates in place but would you getting a few gates solve the problem?

NannyJan53 Wed 07-Nov-18 11:32:24

My Brother and Sister in Law are vegetarians, but whenever they have the family over they provide both meat and non meat food.

I do the same when they visit a choice of meat or vegetarian. It is no big deal!

pensionpat Wed 07-Nov-18 11:57:41

Surely there could be compromise. It’s about respect for everyone. Could you provide some ready-cooked meat. Vegetables are easy, get some gravy granules, or ready made gravy from supermarket for the family. It’s one meal. And they need to say what they would expect you to do about the dogs. Who are your daily companions and part of your family.

annodomini Wed 07-Nov-18 12:03:00

I'm a veggie, but if my carnivorous son comes to visit he cooks for himself. He trained as a chef. No problem!

notanan2 Wed 07-Nov-18 12:22:45

The vaggies in my family cook meat options when hosting just as the rest of us cook veggie options when we host them.

If you are the host you cook for your guests not for yourself IMO.

E.g. I love spicey food and dont love stodgy bland food (eg not a fan of the traditional roast) but if I have the ILs who like bland and traditional that is what I cook.

Its about showing your love through food and making THEM feel catered for & welcome.

If you don't want to do that, don't host!

As for the dog. Whether or not I would object to the dog being around my kids depends 100% on the owner NOT on the dog.

notanan2 Wed 07-Nov-18 12:30:11

I think TBH it WOULD be fair for them to conclude that you dont sound keen to have them if your OP is anything to go by, and for them to make other plans.

I have a relative like this, we love them but they will not make ANY concessions for guests at all (e.g. if you arrive in the afternoon after a long journey they won't feed you because you missed lunch etc, and they can't possibly have lunch late).
I know not to spend the main holiday with them but do make sure to pop in en route else where (and feed ourselves at service stations).

Its fine they are who they are and hosting is not their thing, but if you are like that then people WILL take the hint OP

Teetime Wed 07-Nov-18 12:35:17

Sadly my daughter can no longer come to us for Christmas as she has a large Golden Retriever who is gorgeous and we love him, but they allow him to jump on all the furniture and beds and that ain't gonna happen here. Her solution is well you can always come here so that's what we will do. I used to love doing Christmas for the family. sad

DIL17 Wed 07-Nov-18 12:40:47

I have to say when we visit in laws at christmas I make it clear I'm only bringing myself ands daughter if the dogs are kept in another room.

I don't really like dogs being around young children anyway and at times like Christmas with the heightened excitement, they become even harder to control. I also, personally can't stand being in the same rooms as dogs. I've (literally) been bitten before and it makes me unable to relax and I end up hating the whole day.

Also if you're hosting, I think you should provide food that suits a variety of tastes and diets not just your own.

BlueBelle Wed 07-Nov-18 13:30:15

Well if you can’t make cnssessions for your own family at Christmas then you don’t really want to see them do you?
He’s asked you in plenty of time presumably you don’t see them much or this would have come up before now
Sounds reasonable too me either tell them you will keep them in anothe4 room for their visit or Find a friend relative or kennels for a few days and he’s not asking you to eat meat just that they want it for their Christmas Day sounds reasonable to me decide whose most important your family or your dogs

kittylester Wed 07-Nov-18 16:01:36

We have the opposite problem. We have 3 cats and we ask my sister in law not to being their dog when they visit. They come, leave the dog in the car and then go and bring the blessed thing it 'as she's very gentle'. It takes ages for the cats to recover!

cornergran Wed 07-Nov-18 16:14:36

There is an issue about the ‘why’ of being vegetarian. We have a friend who holds very, very strong beliefs about eating flesh. She will not permit her cooking utensils or oven to be used for meat, ever. She also makes it clear to everyone and cooks absolutely delicious meat free meals. It sort of depends how much it matters to you treeloverr. How have you managed in the past? There have been some excellent suggestions here to get around the issue, I hope a compromise can be found as its easy to fall out with family but oh so much harder to mend bridges.

Telly Wed 07-Nov-18 18:35:16

I am a vegetarian and I don't cook meat. I buy Quorn roasts to take up the meat shaped gap and then make the usual to accompany. No one has ever gone hungry or complained. As for getting rid of the dog, I can't believe they are serious? Unless there is a problem with it? In which case you need to look at making alternative arrangements. Which you need to do now of course!
I would ask myself though, do they really want to come??

Luckygirl Wed 07-Nov-18 18:45:39

Information is a bit thin here, but if you really want to see them at Christmas then you will have to adapt. If you are not too bothered then have your own veggie Christmas + dogs, and they can stay at home.

Christmas is supposed to be a day of celebration, so if being dog-free and eating meat are how your family wish to celebrate, then that is just how it is.

How strict a vegetarian are you? Would you find it offensive to have meat cooking in your oven and your pans, or are you willing to be a bit flexible over that?

Not everyone likes dogs and they spoil a happy day for some, so it is not unreasonable that they have stated how they feel. It is not your view - but it takes all sorts.

Can you not visit them, clutching a veggie roast for yourself?

sodapop Wed 07-Nov-18 18:54:00

That last comment seems like a good option Luckygirl.

M0nica Wed 07-Nov-18 20:15:30

It is not a question of fairness, surely, it is a question of your relationship with your son. Has he always treated you as a menial to run his life for his convenience? In that case the problem is somewhat deeper than this manifestation of his expectations.

When you speak of Christmas, do you mean the season or the day? If the day I can understand that Christmas for him and his family may mean a turkey, in which case why not get together on Boxing Day or Christmas Eve or even New Years Day instead. That way you each stay in your own homes on Christmas date and eat as you wish, and when he visits on another day the family can reasonably be expected to eat your preferred food.

Personally, I will always trim my food offering to meet peoples restrictions - vegetarian, vegan, allergies - but I would not expect them to demand that they be fed food I would not normally eat - battery reared chicken or pork, rather than free-range and organic alternatives, for example.

notanan2 Wed 07-Nov-18 20:19:48

I would ask myself though, do they really want to come??
Seems to be a lack of enthusiasm all round.
I would happily be veggie for the day if the company was good. Likewise I would happily cook something I wasnt going to eat for company coming to me

But I would not compromise on the dog issue. Most dogs will have some level of stress if their home becomes unusually busy. I trust some dog owners to keep the dogs out of the way when this happens. If I didnt trust the dog owner to do this TBH I probably just wouldnt go

lemongrove Wed 07-Nov-18 20:59:20

Good advice from all on here, and remember....a dog isn’t just for Christmas, with any luck there’ll be some left over for Boxing Day! (Mel Smith and G Rees Jones sketch.)tchgrin

M0nica Wed 07-Nov-18 22:46:09

As for dogs, unless you have a huge dog or anyone in your son's family have allergies. I am sure you can find a way to limit contact with the dog on your part, and some toleration on his.

I am not fond of dogs myself but can adjust to small dogs about the place, but would not be happy with anything the size of a labrador or larger, but would be extra careful if a baby or toddler was in the family.