Husband hates kids

GrabriellaG The original post says her grown up children made her a gran this year so obviously a very young baby under a year so hardly children running around the husband so I stand my by post and not sure who
it is the husband doesn’t like her children or a little baby

as the original poster hasn’t come back to add anything else to make the situation more understandable we may never know

He is not a nice man, not because he doesnt like your kids (we all have rellies/inlaws that we are less keen on than others), but because he makes such a point of making sure you/they know it.

Ironmaiden I agree re ASD. Its very difficult/impossible to change if this is the problem.

He's not a children person. My husband isn't either but he makes a big effort. Maybe your husband just can't. I'm sure he does not really ^ hate^ children. He sounds like he is lacking in some emotion. Not his fault if he is born that way. I'm sure he has his good points. I would never dream of leaving him unless he was unloving to me or openly rude or unpleasant to my family?

Isn’t this something you should have discussed wth him before you got involved.
It’s very sad that you have this situation in your life.

Well said EthelJ!

I have hear this once before but happy ending,once the guy saw one of those first gummy smiles he fell in love so you may have a happy ending in the future.Or in the future ask could he teach one of the grandchildren to play soccer,or some such.Good luck,we are all different.

I can understand people not wanting to have children but to be honest I don't understand people who say they don't like children. Unless they also say they don't like people. Children are simply younger people and like grown ups they are all individuals to say you don't like any seems odd as they are not a strange species,after all we have all been one!

When my 2nd DH asked me to marry him, I told him that my children and grandchildren are a BIG part of my life and that by marrying me he was becoming part of my family. He made a big effort and is now an integral part of my family . I'm sorry for you if your DH can't manage to tolerate people who are your flesh and blood.

Hmmm, I am sorry but I cannot get my head around having a relationship with someone that opposed to something important in my life. Perhaps its because of experience with 1st H - decided he did not want children once I was pregnant, but really it would have been a deal breaker for me. When I met 2nd H....he had to pass the 'does he like children and animals test ' on the first date.
This really sounds like a major issue that needs addressing....marriage guidance or similar. You love your children and grandchildren so the problem is going to get worse if not addressed.

Divorce ?

I have several friends with partners who have no children. If you've had no contact with kids for 50 yrs, it's very difficult for them. The noise, the attention that all kids need almost immediately is hard, and you need to try and educate him but it will take time.
Men also seem to relate better to toddlers than they do to newborns.
Important question is does he want to integrate with the children (and does he get on with your children)?

My DH is not a "children" person - neither does he really like large family gatherings. He's quite happy to sit quietly in his study after family dinners (although he does join in with the meals). It's just the way he is, and no one expects him to be otherwise. My stepfather is the same, although we have a great relationship in other respects. My grown up children have always accepted that Dad is quiet and won't go out of his way to interact with their children. Funnily enough though, it's him they go and seek out when they want advice and a quiet sensible word.
We're all different, and I don't think it matters as long as it's explained to them in a positive way. Not everyone finds it easy to be with little ones.

Presumably you knew this when you married him (you must think he's something really special to overlook it). I would stick to your guns and invite them over, and maybe tell him it would probably be better if he went out when they are here. If he doesn't, please don't cover for him - he doesn't deserve that - so that they know what's going on (and he must live with the consequences of his actions). Personally, I think he's acting like a spoilt child and needs to grow up. Sorry if this offends you.

I presume OP you know why your husband doesn't like children and he knows that you have adult children and now grandchildren and that you want to be part of their lives. I think you need to sit down with your husband and have a talk about your differing attitudes to this extremely important issue.

Do you know for certain that your family are coming on Christmas Day? Surely you have discussed this with your DH? Are they all coming for Christmas Dinner, or just popping in to hand over presents and eat a mince pie?

To me it would make a difference. I could accept DH taking his afternoon nap while someone was downstairs we me drinking a cuppa, but I would be embarrassed if he did a bunk from Christmas dinner with my family.

If your family lives nearby, could you not pop round to theirs in the afternoon of Christmas Day or Boxing Day and leave your DH at home, in what is after all, also his home.

I also assume that your children know of your DH's attitude to children and won't be surprised by him not being on parade when they come.

My brother and I used to visit the home of a married couple , friends of our parents . We were always told to be on our best behaviour as she liked children but he didn’t . To us this was a challenge , even from quite young , and with them we learned to interpret and respond to faces , body language and voices . As children we had to make an effort , and learn that we were not the centre of the universe . Years later we were told that his dislike of children never included us , and we learned to like and respect him.
Thankfully our grandchildren are the centre of our universe , but maybe they don’t always need to know it .

It needs a conversation.....a long one. It's awful for your children to know he s upstairs and not wanting to see them It's pretty obvious to them they are not wanted. You must feel stressed when they come around and that's awful too. Marriage is about love why else would we do it. Loving someone means making sacrifices. He obviously can't or won't do this for the woman he loved......I would be talking talking and more talking to him about this

My adult son hates kids. He has ASD and it’s the noise he can’t handle. He stays in his room when the kids are here. Now they’re a bit older (5 and nearly 7)it’s easier for him but he found it really difficult when they were toddlers and babies. So I just wondered if it was a sensory issue for him. We shouldn’t judge something he may not be able to help.

Dont fancy being married to your husband, what a selfish person!

Just let him get on with it, it’s him who’s missing out.

Total lack of respect for you and your feelings. He doesn’t have to play with them just be present and polite and if he cannot do that for you, then there is something seriously wrong with him .....

Buy him a DVD of any one of several excellent adaptations of A Christmas Carol
Get him a nightshirt and nightcap and teach him to say "Bah! Humbug" at every opportunity

I'm not sure I could live with that. Try not to let it spoil your enjoyment is all I can say.

Is there really a problem here? Someone doesn't like children so he avoids them. That seems reasonable

My sister doesn't like small children and chose not to have children. We saw less of her when our DC were tiny, but they all get on very well as adults.

I think many of you are being a little unkind in your remarks. If you are not used to children, they can be overwhelming, very noisy, messy, demanding and difficult. If a man is used to a quiet, well organised life - kids are threatening. My OH tolerates them but disappears if the noise level gets too much. He is a kind loving person who feels he has done his bit coping with three children and he was much younger then.