Gransnet forums

Husband hates kids

(141 Posts)
Notthecatsmother Mon 03-Dec-18 15:30:50

My 2 children from my first marriage made me a Gran this year. My husband hates kids and wants nothing to do with them. If he is in when they visit he disappears upstairs, if he knows in advance he goes out to avoid them. My problem is if they visit Christmas day it is going to be obvious he is in the house. Anyone have any suggestions?

maryeliza54 Mon 03-Dec-18 15:37:27

Just ignore him - what a horrible man.

chelseababy Mon 03-Dec-18 15:41:50

Did you know he hates kids when you married him?

BlueBelle Mon 03-Dec-18 15:42:51

Yes let him spend the day in bed and enjoy your kids and grandkids Miserable man

BlueBelle Mon 03-Dec-18 15:44:19

Anyway they are not kids if they ve made you a gran so why would he hate your grown up offspring ?

EllanVannin Mon 03-Dec-18 16:00:38

Narcissist ? Because his attention is taken away !

Luckygirl Mon 03-Dec-18 16:12:51

Let him stay upstairs for good I say! His loss.

Granarchist Mon 03-Dec-18 16:13:21

when a friend of mine's daughters and grandchildren come to stay her husband books into a hotel!!!! Speechless.

TerriBull Mon 03-Dec-18 16:13:34

Commiserations! I wouldn't like to be married to someone who hates kids. I think you need to ask him to be a bit more gracious, your children were in your life before he was. Did you ever discuss the fact that there was a likelihood that grandchildren could well be a part of your life when you decided to marry? What about his extended family any children there ?

Grannyknot Mon 03-Dec-18 16:19:44

I was in a meeting the other day for work with a group of experienced consultant psychologists ... and one of them said: Not everyone's a narcissist. Some people are just "bad" not "mad". So can we please stop saying 'narcissist' for every incident. (It was in the context of the meeting - a panel considering a complaint).

're the OP, I'd carry on regardless and inform my guests that he is "frigging in the rigging" upstairs. I definitely wouldn't let it spoil my day.

SpringyChicken Mon 03-Dec-18 16:20:17

Surely he could make the effort for your sake. That's what being married means - putting you before himself sometimes. You need to have a little chat with him - he has to hide his feelings, buzz of for the day on some pretext or you tell your children how it is. I certainly wouldn't pander to your husband and stop your family visiting.

MawBroon Mon 03-Dec-18 16:34:28

If this were Mumsnet they’d say LTB
(And they might have a point)
Presumably he has some other redeeming features? hmm

NanKate Mon 03-Dec-18 16:37:05

The name Scrooge comes to mind. I hope he doesn't expect any presents.

maryeliza54 Mon 03-Dec-18 16:49:49

Don’t humour him - don’t try and talk him round. Just ignore him. What would you do in a family emergency and one of your dc needed help with child care?

oldbatty Mon 03-Dec-18 16:56:07

is this real? Why would you have anything to do with somebody like this?

sodapop Mon 03-Dec-18 16:56:28

Totally agree grannyknot

This must have been happening for some time notthecatsmother what have you done on other occasions ?
Would it be better for you to visit your family in their home? If not, talk to your husband and say the family are coming if he is not happy with this then he can go out or stay upstairs. Don't put off seeing your new grandchild at Christmas.

KatyK Mon 03-Dec-18 17:02:52

I've seen some grandparents being really horrible to their grandchildren when I've been out and about. It really upsets me. To me they are so precious.

M0nica Tue 04-Dec-18 08:17:27

Presumably your DC know he hates children so his anti-social behaviour will not be a surprise to them.

If anyone asks just tell them the truth. Your DH doesn't like children so has gone upstairs to be out of the way.

There is no law that says you have to like children, whether you are married or not.

Anja Tue 04-Dec-18 08:24:25

🙄

Shortlegs Tue 04-Dec-18 09:56:50

Aren't relationships all about compromise? He sounds a very selfish sort.

gillybob Tue 04-Dec-18 10:03:30

I think as others have said notthecatsmitger your DH is probably jealous of the time you give your DGC DGC, time that should ( in his mind) be his! It’s a bit sad really. If I were you I would carry on as normal as possible . Let him hide away upstairs or go out . His choice . Let him be a sad and miserable old git . Infact if st all possible I think you should go to visit your DGC as often as possible (even on Christmas Day if you’re invited ) . His choice to be on his own .

grannie62 Tue 04-Dec-18 10:06:47

Remember the 1950s and 1960s anyone? It was then considered quite normal for men to behave like that - with their own children as well as their grandchildren.

Grampie Tue 04-Dec-18 10:08:27

I guess it’s too late to confirm your mutual love of children before accepting his marriage proposal.

Are there any other unmentioned beliefs that he holds dear but you don’t?

You may just be incompatible.

luluaugust Tue 04-Dec-18 10:10:41

I have noticed many men find it "stressful" to sit around all day entertaining the family and you don't say if he has any children of his own that he hates or whether this is his first marriage, he may genuinely find the whole thing too much. I guess he married you and not the family. Have another go at talking this over and try to find out where the problem is coming from and what if anything he is prepared to do about it in the form of compromise. Otherwise tell him Christmas Day is non negotiable and leave the miserable old so and so to it.

4allweknow Tue 04-Dec-18 10:11:28

Perhaps he hasn't had any experience of babies and children and may well feel overwhelmed. If it is your adult children he shuns he has a relationship issue and you should discuss the problem with him.