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Husband hates kids

(147 Posts)
Notthecatsmother Mon 03-Dec-18 15:30:50

My 2 children from my first marriage made me a Gran this year. My husband hates kids and wants nothing to do with them. If he is in when they visit he disappears upstairs, if he knows in advance he goes out to avoid them. My problem is if they visit Christmas day it is going to be obvious he is in the house. Anyone have any suggestions?

sodapop Mon 31-Dec-18 15:03:08

That sounds like he found a good solution Notthecatsmother everyone was comfortable.

MissAdventure Mon 31-Dec-18 12:20:21

Glad it went well.

Notthecatsmother Mon 31-Dec-18 11:49:09

I am happy to report that Christmas day went well. When DD sent a text to say she was on her way I didn't tell DH. When they arrived with GD he was welcoming then went into the kitchen to prepare veg. I got to spend time with my family and DH was not stressed out.

Oakleaf Tue 11-Dec-18 10:41:03

I believe the OP came back a while ago and more or less said she had overstated the case. There's no hate here. He is just a man unused to and perhaps not yet as ease with young children. Not everyone is.

I agree, Grannyknot. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is far more complex than leaving the room because there are small children around.

Grannyknot Tue 11-Dec-18 10:30:56

Ellan as far as I know, a diagnosis of narcissism is a complex matter. So my point is that unless people are qualified to diagnose narcissism, it's probably wise not to attribute that - or any other label for that matter - to people that we don't know.

EllanVannin Mon 10-Dec-18 15:00:44

GrannyKnot when it's all about " them " they're controlling narcissists !

Mycatisahacker Mon 10-Dec-18 14:57:14

And yes to riverwalks point. Shocking

Mycatisahacker Mon 10-Dec-18 14:56:27

What is attractive about this man op.

If he can’t act graciously for one day to facilitate your happiness really he sounds a selfish nasty fit.

MissAdventure Mon 10-Dec-18 13:39:55

Other peoples' families are usually shocking, compared to our own.

pensionpat Mon 10-Dec-18 13:25:25

My thoughts exactly Riverwalk!

ReadyMeals Mon 10-Dec-18 13:18:33

Icanhandthemback yes that's very similar to mine. No one seems to mind in my family. I guess it depends on the individuals who make up the family.

Riverwalk Mon 10-Dec-18 11:18:13

The rest of the year round, he will disappear as soon as he is able to but will come down at odd intervals when I am minding one of GC's to let me use the loo or make lunch.

Icanhandthemback I'm more shocked by this than the OP's problem! shock

Margs Mon 10-Dec-18 10:56:36

You really need to take a serious look at this man.......perhaps he needs to be made familiar with the word "diplomacy"?

Goodbyetoallthat Fri 07-Dec-18 13:17:41

The title of this thread is what bothers me "husband hates kids" I can understand not being a "children person" but to use the word hate particularly in relation to your spouse/partners children seems to be rather extreme.
We live close to my 92 year FIL & take the bulk of responsibility for him.
He has always been a difficult character & never helped us out in any way but I wouldn't think of saying "I hate very elderly people" & hiding in my room every time he comes round.
Surely that is what family support is about?

icanhandthemback Fri 07-Dec-18 12:24:20

My DH isn't overly impressed with small kids. He likes babies but when they get slightly bigger and noisier he says the noise just goes right through him. However, he makes an effort with them at Christmas. The rest of the year round, he will disappear as soon as he is able to but will come down at odd intervals when I am minding one of GC's to let me use the loo or make lunch. There are times I find it frustrating but I find it more comfortable that he is happy elsewhere than looking pained around the children.

BlueBelle Thu 06-Dec-18 17:28:52

Moggie57 there are only 2 and both a few months old, just small babies

Deedaa Thu 06-Dec-18 16:57:25

DH was never wild about his own children, doesn't like socialising, and always finds Christmas an ordeal. After over 40 years of him our family know what he is like and, now he is ill, he has the perfect excuse to disappear upstairs when it all gets too much. The GSs seem quite happy with the contact they have with him.

moggie57 Thu 06-Dec-18 12:51:41

ignore him... tell him go take a hike....some people feel panicky with a lot of kids. maybe you can get him to read them a story, get to know him better..

Luckygirl Thu 06-Dec-18 09:49:48

My OH finds it quite hard when the GC are here (which they are quite a lot as I do some care and school runs). It is excusable as he has PD and is very frail. He does slip off to the bedroom some of the time, or simply sleeps in his chair.

I am afraid I do not stop doing the care and having the children over, as this is one of the factors in my remaining passingly sane in this difficult situation.

ReadyMeals Thu 06-Dec-18 09:44:35

I have been thinking about this overnight. I wonder if it came out in the open that he doesn't like being around children much, he might feel able to socialise with them for half an hour and then excuse himself to upstairs. The reason he might disappear before even greeting them is that he needs to pretend he's not in, in case if they knew he was in he'd be trapped for the entire visit. What I am saying is the secrecy might be making the situation a lot more extreme than it would be if could chat for a bit then affectionately say "ok guys excuse me now if I go and get a bit of peace" and then come down at the end to say goodbyes. This is pretty much what my husband does and everyone seems happy with it.

Bighorse Wed 05-Dec-18 22:19:16

He doesn’t have to like kids. It’s really ok .

Izabella Wed 05-Dec-18 19:33:43

Agree Misadventure

CanOnlyTry Wed 05-Dec-18 19:22:29

Bit of a turnaround all of a sudden Notthecatsmother?
Perhaps you now realise just what a selfish man you're married to and it's put you in a quandary? To me, it makes it even worse that you're talking about "babes in arms". He doesn't need to have anything to do with them ... heaven help you all when they're noisy toddlers!!!

Alexa Wed 05-Dec-18 16:18:22

Notanan2, what a good reply! It reminded me of how, in the television Pride and Prejudice, Mr Bennet was out at the front of his house to receive nasty Wickham .

Lazigirl Wed 05-Dec-18 13:36:11

I personally couldn't and wouldn't tolerate such a situation but the differing responses on here just go to show that all families are different, and what is ok in one family is intolerable for another. Only the poster knows whether her partner's feelings about her grandchildren are manageable and worth it for the positives in their relationship.