Retired but no time to myself

have you not heard of the word NO.. have children at weekends only... the rest of the time is yours. what did they do before you retired? speak to social services about carers..or tell people you need paying........dont give in ,they using you for free...

I also wonder how your family/friends managed before you retired from work,who did the running about and caring then ?
My family don't ask for help at all as they know their father and I will refuse (except emergencies) they respect the fact that we have both always worked when they where younger and did not expect help from anyone we worked it out for ourselves.

Yes! Get your husband off couch and do the running around. Lazy sod!

Why?
Just because the OP has over committed herself doesnt mean she gets to commit him too!!

You are me! Childmind DGS , look after 93 mothet, am tun more ragged now than when at work, and sm not alone, most friends in say situ.

Yes! Get your husband off couch and do the running around. Lazy sod! Turn your phone off or screen calls. Do not be at others’ beck and call. They are taking you for granted. Time to woman up! Do what you want to do to help out, but no more. Then do the rest for yourself. You’ve worked, raised kids. It’s their turn to do it.

As others have said, they managed before you retired so they can manage now. It’s nice to help when you can but you must learn to say ‘no’ and enjoy time for yourself.

How has all this come about? Did these people expect you to help them out when you retired without discussing it first with you. Too many people make assumptions on other people"s time and energy. You really need to be more assertive and decide if and what you are prepared to do or not.
If you carry on doing it, it will be much harder to stop. Doing a favour now and then is one thing....being taken for granted at everyone"s beck and call is something else again.

How did these people manage when you were still working? Presumably they sorted it out for themselves.

It's nice to give people a hand now and again but I think you need to be firm about this and say you can't spend all your retirement running round after other people. Tell them you are finding it more exhausting than being at work and that if this carries on it will affect your health.

Theorem, even.

Pythagorus
That is your theorum.

It happens to many of us. I was asked to be Secretary if this, Treasurer if that. Eventually I decided to choose the five things That were really important to me and spend time on those only! Mine are home, family, friends, health and fitness, my finances! That’s all I can fit in and do well!

Upon retirement the safest approach is firstly not to commit oneself to anything new during the first year. There are all those things you were doing while at work and a list of those things you wanted to do when you retired but it takes time to adjust. Making decdisions and doing new things straightaway can mean you never give yourself time to adjust. Then after a year you can find yourself thinking I wish I had not done that, committed myself to that.

Best thing you can do now is to tell everyone you are off on a holiday and do go away. Do not mention any date for your retturn!! Start a new life as that is what retirement offers.

Even podium

When I retired, I stepped up to 1st place on the poduim.
Now AC and GC variously occupy 2nd and 3rd. There might be exceptional circumstances when I step down however, none to date.

Those posters who enjoy helping out regularly, fine, but Chris doesn't seem to be happy with all the expectations that gave been placed on her, and really does need to say "no" more often. These people will find a solution. They did before she retired. I don't think it's fair to automatically assume that because Mum ( or dad) has retired, she/he should be at the beck and call of others. Ground rules need to be set before resentment and ill health kick in.

...and whose fault is it?
Fill your diary and let everyone who managed their own lives before you retired, continue in their previous manner.
The more you do, the more will be expected.
Good luck. 'NO' is your friend.

Chris419 - no use moaning when you allow yourself to be put upon.

Sorry, but whilst I empathise with the feeling tired bit, I'm beginning to suspect that you enjoy being "needed" really.

Make your mind up about how you really want to spend your retirement - you're in charge! And get that husband of yours to be more active. Unless he's disabled or not well sitting in front of a TV every day can't be good for his future health.

Do,please ease up, Chris. You will get run down and prone to illness. Set limits and stick to them.

I'm normally (touch wood) pretty healthy, but last year I was so shattered after a lot of very small child care (it was an emergency situation when the even smaller one was in hospital for a week) that I felt like a wet rag afterwards, promptly caught a really awful cold, which was followed almost immediately by shingles!
Which meant I was no use to anyone for quite a while.

I'm convinced it was only because I was so worn out to start with.

For those saying “just say no”, it is not that simple depending on your upbringing and personality. I was brought up to say yes to all requests and was so afraid of the consequences of saying no that it has become the habit of a lifetime. Dealing with guilt tripping, sulking and bad temper after saying no makes it easier to say yes. But it is possible to change ..... I asked someone I had helped a great deal for years, for a favour when my parent was terminally ill (the first time I had asked and I was desperate). When my request was refused (would have taken an hour and a half at a critical time) I suddenly found myself able to say no. Now I ask myself, would they help me in return? So I only help in real emergencies or if it is something I would enjoy doing. Ie boring things like staying in all day for deliveries, cleaning, shopping. Get items delivered in the evening, pay a cleaner, or keep it clean yourselves, shop online. Emergencies always excepted. I am actually more appreciated and wish I had realised sooner.

For goodness sake woman, stop being such a doormat. Go on an assertiveness course, boot your husband off the sofa (cut the plug off the TV if you have to), and make sure that you fill YOUR time with things YOU want to do. Stop whining "poor me" and grab your life with both hands. You've obviously been a martyr to your family all your life and they still expect you to be. Disappoint them!

Having lived through the exact same problem.
First say I'm not going to be free Wednesday ever that's my day,then tell each older family member exactly when you can take them anywhere i.e.I can take you shopping Monday a.m. otherwise I'm not free due to other commitments,do the same for each person and they get used to it,you sort of have to train them.See if you can then re-train your husband,I fractured my arm and it was amazing how much my husband had to do and after that he actually started to help with driving--------the family is his too,next join a fun group that you HAVE to go to and start to enjoy yourself,arrange coffee with friends then you just say I have an appointment if anyone ask you to do stuff.The very best of luck.

How could they all be so selfish to take such advantage of you?
Maybe they're just not psychic!
If you ask someone about something and they sound keen and willing, why wouldn't you believe them?

Learn to put yourself first and say no, no and no again!
As has already been mentioned, how did they all manage before you retired?
You will soon suffer burnout and make yourself ill.
Continuing being a martyr or start living your retirement as you had planned.
I don’t blame your husband. If you want to spend your life running around others that’s your choice.
What does he say about your situation?
I hope that you make the right decision for yourself . You have worked hard and now it is time for “ me time “

I'm feeling soooo tired just reading all that. Just say no.

How did all these people manage before you retired? You remind me of my own mum who could never say NO or often volunteered her help before it was even requested, then grumbled about how busy she was with no time for herself. She was so kind but maybe enjoyed being a bit of a martyr really.