Difficult BIL

The trouble with people like is that when you do say something to them they make out that they were only joking... Tell him to get lost and grow up...

Most people bully others because they're allowed to get away with it although more of a reflection of how they feel about themselves rather than you. Surprise him by standing up for yourself and tell your husband you require his support as this behavior will no longer be tolerated. You've got some good lines here!

Amazing library of answers here, if only I could remember them for future use!

There is a reason why most of us don't remember the quick come-backs and sharp retorts, and that is because we aren't going about looking for people to upset for sport.

You can't let these people upset you, imagine the inside of their heads- they are miserable and can't bear others being happy.

I haven't seen the bast--d who called me ugly recently, but I plan to insult him in French when I do: "En culez con." Not sure I've spelled it correctly. He's an under-educated oaf, so he'll not understand, but I think I'll get some satisfaction out of it.

Quote Winston Churchill, loosely
I may be over weight but I could diet, whereas you will always be ugly on the inside

ladyinspain.. I adore you.. is that a song?
What I meant to say was that piperly has posted an update in the thread.

It’s bullying. Not easy to deal with and sorry that he’s doing it to you. Easy for us to say to stand up to him, but I would! And tell your family to tell him where to go too!

Be good to know how it all panned out?

Harry'sgran chipolata,that's all I'm saying

Why men of a certain age feel the need to be sarcastic and poke fun at others to get a laugh is beyond me I think they are insecure with themselves and obviously are not capable of interesting conversation in social situations so cover it up by thinking they are funny all a bit pathetic really

i would ask him if hed like to order my meal for me since hes the one with the problem about your weight . should shut him up when put on the spot

You could always say, ‘I may be a bit overweight, but you’re ugly, but I can do something about it’?

I once read this comeback,
"I make it a point never to argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience!"

Reading this, Piperly, I can't help wondering whether this is the kind of thing your in-laws find funny, because if not, I wonder why neither they nor your husband has asked your BIL what's biting him?

I would ask my husband how to tackle remarks like this from a member of his family, if my in-laws made passed comments like these.

My reason being that yes, you can try turning the tables on him, or making him repeat his rude remarks in the hope that the others will find him as rude as you and we do, but if they don't you might just end up looking to them like someone who can't take a joke.

Love some of the responses on here, definitely some to file in the handbag for later use. Personally I would just very calmly say "why on earth do you always make such rude/impolite/aggressive remarks to me, is there a reason for this?" Also would have thought your DH should have intervened and told his brother to behave.

Some brilliant retorts. Wish I could remember them ,glad to hear all went well give mrP a cuddle for supporting you ?

Maybe along the lines of......Perhaps you have"nt realised how rude and bad mannered you are......BUT now it's been pointed out to you, you can apologize and take it back!
If he says " I'm only joking"...... you can reply " well I wasn't and I'm waiting".

Piperly
So glad to read how well all went and three cheers for wonderful Mr P and his lovely Mum!

This BIL is just a lowlife. With such a gorgeous Husband you may very justifiably look serenely happy and behave with the diginity of a Queen, (as in my previous comment) ignoring the ignorant masses and their stupidity or the BIL to be precise.
Well done!

What an incredibly rude man, so sorry you have to endure him. There are some very good put-downs on here.

Piperly. I hope lunch went well. Sorry I didn't reply in time, I've only just found your message.
I have found rude and irksome people very hard to bear and used to retaliate or try to defend myself when I was younger. I was teased a lot by an older half sister and her friends who made me feel dreadful.
Now I just smile serenely and if I have to answer say something like "Is that what you think?" or "oh yes.." in a rather bored kind of voice as if I haven't really heard what they said.
I would urge you not to retaliate or join the battle. Drop the urge to say something even more clever. That is what he wants. These people exist everywhere. He could even be a narcissist. They love to see you upset and they love even more to enter into a battle of words with you. They thrive on attention and negative energy. You are reacting, showing you are hurt and joining in with the fight. That is giving him a great thrill. Stop doing it.

Here's how: Look serene and a little bit bored but polite. Avoid eye contact with him. Barely say hello. If forced to answer keep it to one or two words, "Oh yes" or "how lovely" "I see". Always in a neutral tone as if not engaging with the subject but just polite. Turn away as soon as you can, straight away if possible but not in high dudgeon.

The moment you turn away as if he isn't even there or, if that is not possible, appear not to have noticed him or what he has said, the more frustrated he will become. He will try harder for a while whereupon you will appear to notice him even less, keeping that benign Queen Mother-like smile on your face and saying "Yes, dear" to him in a very neutral and unprovocative way only hinting at condescension. Focus your attention on others. Appear to have not heard him at all but just act like a dignified Royal Visitor, amazingly polite, yet totally unmoved by any remarks against you as if they were not for you or not even heard.

He won't be able to stand it, I promise. Also, eventually, he might give up.

See, I wouldn't stoop to his level by throwing insults back at him.

I would just turn my back on him and talk to someone else. I wouldn't acknowledge his comments at all.

He wants to see how you will react? Then don't react.

I has a French colleague who was constantly made fun of by a male in the office. After putting up with it many times she said to the whole office “you have to excuse Terry he has no education”. Shut him up for good. Said in her lovely French accent it was priceless.

Daddima love it, that is exactly what I said to my Sil. For years she has commented on my height (4ft 10 ). I was lucky to have an amazing career and lovely family and sadly she had neither. I lost it one day told here where to go and miraciously it stopped. Sometimes a wee bit of aggression works wonders.

You could say something along the lines of
'do you have to practice really really hard at being so rude, or were you actually born that way?' I used this once and it left the recipient red faced and open mouthed! Hope it works for you